RaBiA's BlOg

hola peeps!

2009-12-01T12:35:00.004+04:00

its been sucha loooong time now, most of my fav bloggers dont even blog anymore :( so i cant trash their comments section.

so im still stuck in school, and i still have no idea bout the future...studies are detestable and yet i dont feel like frowning. i can finally say gd bye to the emo me...or can i? meh.

i must have failed all my practicals, its inevitable...i knew it before i gave the exam, so with that all cleared off whats the point in getting nervous and tensed when you already know whats going to happen? ahh pessimism is a great way to calm my nerves, if only i could be more optimistic, but i cant since i have seen my previous performances during the practicals and oh well they were quite up to the par, actually they were quite horrible.

so why worry? and i enjoyed watever time i had before the exam chatting and laughing. i guess this is how the failures in previous classes felt, condemned to fail so whats new bout that? and somehow you get used to it.

ah repeating the same thing again and again, a horrible habit that has been passed on by my bio teacher,

so wats new?

i finally got a mobile, frankly speaking it was quite embarassing when 8 and 9 year old kids would ask me "do you own a mobile?" i would sigh and melt with humility as i said "no i dont" and theyd go like "oh i own one!" -_- cheers for you buddy. forgodsake one kid was even roaming around with an iphone! whats wrong with parents these days?! dont they realize if they spoil their kids at such young age they wont be able to tackle tough situations, cuz let me tell you, you wont always get what you want but you will get what you need. meh so after 17 years well almost 18 since im gonna be 18 after a month. i finally got my own personal mobile. to be honest its not quite an achievement since i never begged my parents for one, i am not much of a talker, (typing is a different story!) so having a phone is just a necessity, not really a want. although im glad my phone has a 5mp camera! XD i got nokia 6600i as a gift for getting such awesome grades.

the phone is great but heavy, cant turn the shutter sound off, searched the whole place, sound recording quality sucks, the camera cant really focus properly at times. but its still gr8 :)

i always talk bout how gr8 pigeon fights are

well i recorded one here with my mobile,

and i finally saw a new side to our principal, the ever soo friendly and cool person,

lost his cool with the kids, he was really stressed out that day...we had to pin up some canvases and he was showing us how to hook them up, well all this was taking place during the kids break, so obviously since hes already the local celebrity, he attracted quite a crowd, kids stopped and started to stare as to whats going on, one kid was just standing right above him and was staring as he slurped his juice, the principal gave him the nastiest glare and when the kid didn't budge, he said "dont you have somewhere else to go? go on shoo!" and the kid went trotted off, and then the principal muttered "yah get lost, come back when you're 15" oo harsh, but then i guess when you're really frustrated you say out things you dont really mean. and me who couldn't know differentiate the better from worse, spoke "ahhh the big bad wolf finally shows his face" and he agreed "yah the big bad wolf" its an inside joke since hes created this school mascot called wilfred the wolf, whose really friendly....so the big bad wolf is another play on words...remember the story the little red riding hood?

we were actually planting seeds for advertisement on the clipboard, for our Festival of Masks, the whole school is making masks, and we had put up some masks on the boards, away from the reach of kids. who knows some might steal it, the on lookers were pretty interested >>

2009-06-12T22:35:00.002+04:00

so its finaly over huh?
i walked out of the auditorium after finally finishing my exam, into the silenced hallways, how i wish i could have been there when all me friends ran out of the auditorium with grins stretching wide from one ear to the other, and the uproars and cheers of finally finishing the part of life that seemed to stretch to eternity...the celebratory hugs, jovial talks bout summer plans, a certain noise resonating that was still lingering even after everyone had left...
i could feel a tinge of happiness, as i smirked to myself saying 'its finaly over'.
as i turned to get my bag from the labs...i never realised the horror that awaited me, my bag was gone and the doors were locked.... -_-; soo much for a happy ending, if not a perfect one.
well i later found out that a friend of mine had taken my bag cuz they were goin to lock the labs...so i found her, along with the crowd of people awaiting for their parents to arrive to drive them back home. and well some other students were arriving for their afternoon exams.
i silently went and sat on a bench where my bag was kept and was about to call my dad, when i was interupted by someone who squeled my name so loudly that it left me shocked for a moment, and saw another friend of mine, i could really feel the aura of genuine happiness emanating from her quite strongly, "huggles to you too my friend" and then i realised my friends were head over heels by the fact that school's finally over...O_O hmm am i the only one who feels indifferent? somehow, i just cant imagine not going to school anymore, haha feels wierd, i guess my mind just cant register the fact that its over...and it aint never a good-bye but always a see-you-later.... it still is.
i am kinda tired feels like a long joruney has finally ended, litterally...i came home from skool, went straight to bed after a shower, woke up again, ate lunch, and slept again...woke up at evenin and felt like sleepin again, but i finally gave myself a break...guess i'll be awake all nite tonite...

2009-05-16T21:22:00.002+04:00

yesh yesh i kno board exams are going on and just wth am i doing here right now?
well it was quite difficult to find any means of entertainment, since everything is banned for me litterally, :\, i dont really know how one is supposed to treat their board exams, i just treat them like normal ones...except for the fact that these grades are gonna stick with me for life and that theres no returning back to school after june 12....which scares the crap outta me. but its like this, one minute the feeling is there and the other min its gone *poof*
so what brings me to blogging even knowing the fact that no one is really going to come during these days cuz of the exams...well i dont know, the blog has been left barren for soo many days...
maybe just one post of randomness doesn't really affects now does it.

i was just getting my clumped up with maths when suddenly the wierdest most nastiest thought entered my head. clothes made outta human skin...how gross can my mind get? blame it on stephen king. lately i've been pretty interested in the legend of hitler, man why do they teach lame history topics at skool, just got a whiff of it when i read apt pupil, and since then im looking for fiction based on nazis...unfortunately, novels have also been banned, plus all my dan brown collection has been forcefully donated to the library where im sure it will be abused and lost by future students.
i usually watch my bro play games cuz i basically suck at them, i am sure the game Grand Theft Auto is known by all guys...amazingly every sentence they speak consists of a swear, and the radiostations are just hilarious to listen to. what i dont understand is, some swears dont even make sense when you think bout it...the basic 'eff u!" so ur telling the person to go have sex when your angry? like wth? plus its ok to say sex but wrong to say eff....when they both exactly mean the same thing, who created this unseen law of discriminating words?
so is it ok for me to use words that exactly mean the same thing yet dont contain any vulgar words?
sigh these are one of the unexplainable things that i ponder of, its there and everyone folows it but they dont really know why.

theres a food for thought for anyone who reads this blog.

2009-02-04T21:37:00.002+04:00

cough*cough*

i know its been a looong time...to be honest i had completely forgotten bout it. but when boredem strikes you start to find the most absurd things to be entertaining. like studyin! whoever knew wracking your brains over a question could be soo exhilirating, but its starts to become frustrating to the point where you feel like slamming the book shut and throwing it against the wall. sadly it cant be done during exam...*off goes to imagine the scene* ohhh my maths paper hits mariama right on the face...! *_*

well the thought of blogging just hit me randomly. so this would be my first post of the year!

my year started off with whipped cream stuffed up my nose by 2 handsomely giagantic men...yes MEN. one guy even has a kid. haha then came up the flair fusion, and i must say the crowd was heavier than last year or was it just the stalls taking up more space making the crowd seem bigger? well my lucky ticket was called out on stage, i cant believe i just read it once and had it memorized. 2558. haha still remember it, how can i forget? when my ticket was called out the number sounded familiar, and i did say that i think thats my ticket but there was just one prob, i was on the other side of the field and by the time i reached it was already too late...its just one of those things that you nearly miss it. and that was the day when i was first hit by random guys...hmm, wierd and annoying experience hehe well atleast i wasnt alone, just the thought of someone whom you know standing next to you but whose mute during the action is enough to give strength.

then came the lunch, i knew it was the season of catching colds, i was suffering the earlier symptoms of it, and took it to a whole new level on that day. its strange how each individual's body reacts slightly different when straining their body. haha i cheered and screamed for all my friends who went up on the stage to perform, everyone was amazing, the atmosphere just bedazzling, and you keep on wishing to yourself that this day would never end. the frenzy inside the labs and backstage. One of the highlights of that day was mr. neville sherman turning bright red when asked to come up stage and dance, ahh even though it was dark i could clearly see those cheeks turning crimson.

then came the lunch, the food uh not soo great but a wonderful opportunity to take pics with friends and teachers. and it was during the lunch i realized the my voice, was toning down. its almost impossible for a girl to make a guyish voice, so sorry czarina when i just wasn't able to believe that your soft whispy high pitched voice was just occuring naturally...now when i compare it with my case, yah its pretty much possible. strange how everyone reacts differently

the after party was wonderful, cruising off to jumeirah and standing out with heads tilting as we strolled by...

tomorow is the sports day, im looking foward to some sweat and an awful lotta cheering...most of my friends are participating in the march pass mainly to skip classes, would you believe if i told that only 5 girls were left in our class? i was too there in the march pass initially but it was just too much for me during the practice...plus 10 dhs for a cap and white gloves, aint walking like a jackass infront of friends and sweating like pigs a price high enough to be paid?

haha all those not participating were asked to go to back to class, but what can i say there was nothing to look forward in class, so i just strolled around the school, watched the practice, hoping none of those inquisitive nosy teachers would notice me...all in all it was a success bunking first 5 periods of tuesday. i even asked some random girls to let me try hopscotch, wished good luck to a bunch of 7 and 8 snotty brats in bunking classes, i couldn't care less, with badge or without badge none of it really mattered...plus i never knew that our school cupboards were in such a bad shape that they could be opened with any key, hehe

this month had seemed to be filled with soo many events that the atmosphere was just so festive and cheerful, makes it really sad to know that all good things must come to an end, and the seriousness of studies might actually sink into the skin,

but all is not lost theres still the actual graduation to look forward too, i say that in a vague accent of irony

the rise of the mushroom head

2008-10-31T10:02:00.002+04:00

yawn*
>>
<<

alrite, i know there a ton of things that i can do instead of sitting on this chair and staring at the screen. meh...

so i have found my new unofficial art period! :D last year it used to be english
this year its chemistry! the most boring and difficult subject outta all the rest~!
arabic would come next to it, but the teacher is much more alert and god i hate it when they scream, seems like they have a mini speaker that produces sound equivalent to the ones found in concert halls.

anyways...i would have posted my doodles if only i could find the plug of the stupid scanner...
oh well i'll just list them out, for one whole week i used to draw myself in small cartoon form and what i really felt like doing. around 5 small drawings on a page, 1 for each period.
the next week i drew i comic (took the whole page) about me dreaming myself getting caught by the chemistry teacher, and the comic is titled "Dreams do come true.." sometimes sooner than you can expect.

after that we started doing something interesting like forming wierd formulas and names of acids and alcohols.

just when i was staring mindlessly into the air, an image of an amputated head flashed into my mind. the head was cut off from the top, which allowed the brains to be shown and there were flowers growing out of it. i thought of drawing roots out of the neck to show where the plants are getting its source of energy. oh yah n then theres the part of the head thats been cut off placed at the side...and the drawing definitely would look wierd without traces of blood. so i drew some of that along with some sweat beads on the face, and the eyes rolled up to add to the effect.

hmmm, it might sound gross, but its not that bad, after that little peice i've been inspired to draw something disturbing and wierd.

next i have drawn a girl with another face coming out from behind her head. apparently, the idea of split personality came to me after i had finished drawing. i am also painting this drawing on a canvas that i've borrowed from the art teacher, i am not sure whether she would like the idea since people usually like things that appeal to the eye...
she wouldn't mind accepting the painting since i have finally made an effort after all her nagging but i dont expect it to be exhibited anywhere around school and especially not in the lobby.
but hey this what i call abstract, for once theres actually a concept behind an abstract drawin, i hate people who just draw random lines and shapes and call it abstract gimme a break! (no wonder each an every girl i meet who likes to draw and has 0 creativity says abstract is the easiest thing to draw, when a true artist would say the opposite, it kinda pisses me off)
for starters dont define every un-categorized drawing into abstract, abstract is showing of an idea or a concept in a rather different way than we usually perceive them to be.

which reminds me, the other day i was in our supervisor's (also my chem teacher) room and guess what i found a drawing i had made 3 years ago, framed on the wall. O_o wow, kinda honoured even though its not really that big of a deal but still! my drawing being framed on the wall! gah i sound soo self absorbed and egotistical....

haha well then thats it i guess...its wierd how hours seem like minutes when you start doing something you enjoy...i just did a sketch yesterday on the canvas, and before i knew it an hour had already passed by.
as far as photography goes, its not that i've lost passion for it, just that i cant find anything good to photograph right, plus with all the mocks coming up...i think i'll wait for awhile before i hold my camera again....

and a good day to everyone! :D

ps: a few days ago, i bunked skool for the first time! yay! now i can cross that from my things-to-do-before-i-finish-school list. :D

bilingual...

2008-10-14T20:51:00.003+04:00

the day started off with me ridin the bus with my usual bus mate(arab) whom i often ask for the time...
n then just outta curiosity i wanted to know how to say the same phrase in arabic hehe its said as "kam as sa3a" (yes i am gonna use the mod arabic)
anyhow i just noticed today the effect of different cultures mixing together
for starters language...the use of word "pagal" n "yaar" has become pretty common among arabs
i have learnt the common phrase of "how are you?" and answering it in various lang,
languages have always intrigued me, i luv being able to communicate in different lang even if i haven't perfected it enuf. (except for my own lang n arabic) although each time i get very excited wen i am able to read and understand anythin in a foreign language (eg: arabic)
at times it can be pretty annoyin tryin to learn a whole new set of vocab...-_-
but then again somehow learning a new lang helps to close the racial gap :)
i dont really have much to say although im sure this topic could go on foreva listing out the pros and cons.
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these days i have become so bored with my daily lifestyle that i have started seeking refuge in fiction. ppl often complain how boring books are n its make them feel sleepy, all i gotta say is that those type of ppl are soo shallow minded and have closed doors to soo many possibilities of perceiving a different lifestyle just to be stereotypical.
story books are awesome! (although i hate descriptions and lookin into dictionary for words i dont understand)
its like you are brought down to a different place, n live a brief moment in someone elses shoes.
and yes i do prefer books over movies cuz movies usually do tend to cut out those small details.

as a young child i used to like listenin to stories, be it that my bros n sis tryin to scare me (in which they usually succeeded and completely disrupted my tranquil state of mind) or my moms story bout a crow and a pigeon (apparantly she knows only 2 stories by heart that she used to say like almost everyday at nite)

in a wierd way i have now started preferin to read books in my free time rather than chattin bout the same subject to my friends, or naggin and complainin bout skool....
although i do like to debate over some ideas and thoughts, and do socialize enuf so that i am not completely isolated from reality

BANG* n ur dead...

2008-10-01T13:27:00.002+04:00

well for starters eid mubarak to all my readers...hope u guys take this opportunity to become rich :P
n now my final year of skool, is goin uhhh boring....>> its not supposed to be boring! i know that but all the teachers are sooo boring, u feel like dozing off in their class, i wonder if its bcuz of ramadan...
lets hope so, but i really do feel like doing the craziest n wildest things before i leave this skool
maybe i might stick here to do my 12 n 13.
somehow the pressure of being in gr 11 still hasn't sunken in n the fact that im gonna give an extra ig subject n have barely finished 1/4 of the core portion, i dunno, i guess i dont really feel tensed up until its rite on my face. which is pretty much true

so the reason why i have a wierd name for my title is because i wanted to ask bout my readers personality as to whether they are cautious or the type who love taking risks.
as for me i am usually a cautious person, when it comes to prestige, but physically yes, i do tend to go a little overboard n take wild steps sometimes, but thats wat all the fun is bout! its like gambling once you try it, its just kinda hard to leave. (but its not that every person will become an addict)

i could have been hit by a car like 5-10 times...(i did even get a little pushed by my skool bus)
the fact that i survived at the brink of death brings so much happiness, that u feel like laughing on death's face...for some wierd reason i do usually start giggling after doing something crazy similar to that, n the drivers usually curse me :D
id rather die with a single shot of pain rather than waiting for my body to deteriorate slowly and endure the slow torture. -_- and its not like i want to achieve something big outta life anyways, right now my only sole purpose is to just search for happiness even if its very little, and record memories of it in my diary, so when i look back i can remember all those stupid n silly n embarrassing things i did in my life n laugh at my ownself.

but then it is definitely a naive way of thinking for one to divide the world into whats fun and boring...you have to keep up with the world, survival of the fittest i guess
im sure there is irony hidden in this topic somewhere...
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on a side note, i am pretty much enjoying my eid even if its tiring n the house never seems to be clean no matter how much i've tried to clear things up.
i finally got new speakers, well technically old since they were first used by my bro but they are in mint condition, n works perfectly plus its from logitech!
he got himself a new home theatre system meant for computer, well he did bought em but the prob he had sooo much crap in his room that he had to actually give alotta thought as to where he should place them n was driven to the point that he had finally clean his room.
today i will get a new monitor (again technically old since its been used) from my bro-in-law :D

i was going to buy a new monitor but since i am gonna get one, y bother buyin a new one? but the prob is i haven't spent my pocket money like anywhere for almost 2-3 years, seriously, except for buying a mp3 player and a tablet n a hard disk, not the most girly way to spend money :\
but i guess i'll save it for doing something grand on the grad, n buyin a nice dress, n as for prom...meh i dunno if id really come after graduating (although i have already visualized a dress n get up for it already >>)

2008-08-10T22:52:00.002+04:00

so the date is finally here...everyone is comin online and each person askin the other's results to satisfy their own curiosity...
i woke up 15 mins before 12 noon just wen the results were supposed to be released...those 15 mins were the most agonizing moments of endurance,
oh well after keyin in the username n password,
i was pretty shocked to see my grades
i had expected a B in eng and a C in env
guess wat i aced them! yay
ummm ok well maybe this is just a default settin so i hit the refresh button again
the same thing, and again and again
did that five times
i still couldn't believe it, an A was outta my perception
soo i was really happy,
later i heard that couple of ppl did get A* in eng...which seemed quite thought provoking to me...i could have gotten that A* too if only i wasn't a nervous wreck
a friend scored A* takin eng first lang! which is like a super wow!
well i have to confess i never took eng seriously so i have no rite to complain bout my grades now, i never listened to the lectures in my class, nor did i ever do my hw
so uh to still get an A during those conditions is still a big thing, although i hate to say this but i do kinda regret it cuz i know i could have done better
as for env well i can only say one thing hallelujah :P i was scared bone stiff bout env...cuz i know i suked in pp4 but my pp2 rocked

so my plans for future?
cram up all the accs portion for 11th grade
get as many stars as possible n not regretting anything
do a lvls
get in a.u.s
study graphic design

i cant think of anything else, i just dont want to waver on my decision anymore,
i dont really care wat my parents think, or even if society kinda frowns on it cuz i am not trying to fit in with the stereotypes and become a doc or eng or accountant, but wateva... i dont wanna chase after money, cuz its the root of rotting ones personality and mind, i'll just do wat i want to, all i can hope for is that god blesses me with some creativity, ameen.
to be honest i am not really good at abstract...>> i just dont understand that aspect of art.

ok so heres alink to find out bout ur personality depending on ur date of birth...
LINK

well i dont exactly believe in it cuz well u shape ur own personality and the environment around plays apart in it too
but meh just for fun

heres wat it says bout me
* Ambitious and serious kinda true
* Loves to teach and be taught kinda true
* Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses nah i dont do that do i?
* Likes to criticize true but i equally appreciate
* Hardworking and productive ummm...
* Smart, neat and organized haha thats a nice joke my bookshelf's a mess, well if i am working on a project a group of ppl then i do like it to be organized so that we dont have a messy presentation
* Sensitive and has deep thoughts verry true!
* Knows how to make others happy not sure, wat do u all think?
* Quiet unless excited or tensed true!
* Rather reserved yup
* Highly attentive i guess so
* Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds SO TRUE!
* Romantic but has difficulties expressing love uhh...
* Loves children well im not sure bout that
* Homely person yah i hate going out
* Loyal wont ever betray your trust!
* Needs to improve social abilities yah well u know...
* Easily jealous i hate to admit it but its true

geez wth 75% is true wat do u all think?
do try it out n post em on ur blogs so i can see the results!!!
so i tag all the ppl reading this post...

Conscious yet to lazy to act

2008-07-10T12:15:00.002+04:00

sometimes you just know that what your doing is wrong and yet you do it anyways...
everyone around me is doing something productive this summer and yet here i am glued to the pc chair writing this entry. i see my bookshelf a mess, i feel scared that just by pulling out my pencil books all the books may fall out.
everyday seems to be going in the same pace, everyday seems to be the same that makes you start to wonder whether it is the next day or the same day continuing on.
The air conditioner's breeze is cool, i can hear the clanking of the dishes being washed, i can hear my pc making a continuous buzz sound...the post-it notes flipping
ok most of you must have closed this page by now for those who haven't...

i have just decided that since this is going to be my last year in school i want to do all the different things that i have never done in my whole life...like bunk school all day, see the roof top of my school building atleast once, my friend suggested on a double date which i am not very sure off >_>
take part in an art competition and winning something for once, i am just sick and tired of losing it doesn't motivates me you know, fate plays cruel jokes, just when i work too hard i have to face a result of failure which further regresses me back into my former dormant personality.

and i am pretty sure that i wont become the head girl, (even the head girl thinks so) :P i am not sad about infact i am happy! :D because for once the teachers would stop nagging me about saying how perfect i have to be and corner me into being a slave for them, and even if i get into trouble, i wouldn't have to see any shocked faces of people saying "YOU OF ALL THE STUDENTS!?" O_O yah i remember once getting a warning letter the supervisor was pretty fond of me and was shocked...meh give me a break, i am just a regular student, i have my pros and cons, yah i am an above avg, usually obedient student who likes to stay outta trouble cuz i don't want my parents to feel down bcuz of me. but then just because i have a conscious just don't expect me to be all goody goody, i am irresponsible, i have sarcastic bitchy mouth which often hurts ppl (pride or feelings) unconsciously, so there i am not perfect and am really grateful for it! geez being the perfect student is like killing all the fun in your life. everyday my aim is to not try anything which would catch the teachers eye, be it good or bad....just be invisible.

Virtual World

2008-06-20T15:53:00.002+04:00

i have been talkin bout the crappy stuff in my life, but on a much more serious note i wanted to talk bout how the coorporate world has targeted ppl via online games...
to begin with
THEY R EFFFIN ANNOYIN!

haha well that might only be my opinion, a few eg such as world of warcraft and final fantasy online, are just few of the games the provide a virtual world that keeps its user glued to the computer seat,
It is quite an interactive way meetin ppl around the world, n playin along with them just by playin a small price...monthly. lets say the initial expense is around 30$ and a monthly fee for continuous subscription should be around 4-5$ now around millions of ppl who have subscribed to this game, u get the point dont you, plus usually the games that were initially created have limited number of quests or adventures, therefor an expansion pack is usually released to keep the ppl hooked onto the game and make a profit by putting another price tag on it.

in these games, u can make ur own character, and completely personalize it, pretty or ugly, choose wat kinda skill u want to master in (blackmage, warrior etc), enter the world and fulfill quests and bounties, by doin that u can lvl up, gain money and item, its usually the "greed for more" that keeps a person soo hooked up to the game.
plus there is no age limit, so u may even find a 30yr old playin this game...

how do i know so much? well, its cuz my damn bro has been playin this stupid game for almost an year now n I HATE IT CUZ I CANT BROWSE! its gr8 that we have dsl n bro has exploited it to its full capacity. the main server is connected to his pc, through wireless network we have all been using it on our computers, (just how many do i have in my house, well mostly all are laptops, n 1 more personal computer)
therefore weneva he plays the game which is like 24/7, its impossible for anyone to download or browse pages more than 20 or even access someone elses pc, cuz it will kill the bandwidth for his pc, n his game will start to lag...

i tried once to play one of his characters, he was pretty eager to teach me cuz i could play his chars n lvl them up while hes gone to univ, well, my other bros n sis who are as much agitated with this prob as i am thought it was the worst idea ever, cuz i might actually get hooked up to the game too.
his char was pretty advance and there were about millions of icons i could see on the screen, as he quickly briefed me through it, i felt like he was speakin some other lang... O_o i still cant even control the movements of the char n he wants me to lvl up his char...yah rite,
i got fedup with the stupid piece of crap, n decided never to play sucha stupid game!
all u do is just run around, n kill monsters

ppl are wasting soo much of their precious time on pcs, i mean seriously, i know u cant meet other ppl n stuff online too, but it really affects one personality, the person becomes more and more secluded, loses touch with the reality...

even users have found a way to make money, buy selling stuff, and characters too! not virtual but real money, some ppl find it too troublesome to lvl up their chars so go to ebay n souq.com n buy em.. i was pretty shocked wen my bro told me bout it, i dunno if its the truth or not, plus i m too lazy to even verify it.

to be honest, i hate this game, i hate the ppl who have created it manipulating ppls minds so that they would engross themselves further and further into a never-ending game and reap money outta their pockets.

yay freedom

2008-06-15T20:21:00.004+04:00

ok ok so finally the stupid board exams are finished n i m free, but i always freak out n get scared as hell weneva i think bout wat the results could possibly be...i pretty much know for a fact that i wont be gettin A in any of the 2 subjects, but i could only pray for gettin a B. or else i m screwed.
yes so everyone seems to be makin a banner for themselves these days, haha i got inspired by czarina long time ago, march or feb was it? n thought i d try out myself it does look abit childish,
im still not exactly pleased as how the title looks, but meh who cares, at first i thought of creating my own skin, its just that i dunno how to program it, but it wont be that difficult to figure it out, i could just copy past a skins html n replace the pics links with my links...but its just too much of work, so i m stickin to the free ones i get on blogskins.com, thought i should share

sunshine is brightly smiling upon us, ah i wonder where my passion for photography has gone, lol, ironic isn't it, i craved so much for a slr that i was ready to do anything for money , which i did lol...but now that money is in someplace which i have no idea of, no its not lost, my mom must have taken it for safe keepin...
in anycase, i just wanted to wish farewell to my gr11 friends, but hey i will be meetin those doin ASlvl rite? even though it might be for a brief moment since our buildings will be different...

i m still confused bout my future, n i know i dun have much time left...so some of the choices that i could only think of were:- management, graphics design, dentist, psychology,
pretty diverse dont you think? well, if i wanna stay here then i have to go for aus, but the prob is they need 8 subjects n we're doin igs for 7, so i should have taken urdu along with e.m but well i didn't know, i still have a chance, that is if i study a commerce subject, my sis proposed the idea, n is willin to tutor me durin this summer, but i still dunno...gah wat bout arabic n isl/lifeskills, i mean dun they count for anythin,
if i go abroad then goin bak to hometown is my only option, n that too if i wanna study in medical field, the reason y i have a medical field is cuz my house is filled with diverse occupations, the only occupation missing is someone in the medics. i dun mind being a dentist, i know it would be gross lookin up into ppls mouth but then i know i'll survive, if i can survive a random russian filled with gore 18+ rated horror movie (u never know wat they might show on starmovies)

but its most likely that id be stay in uae, y aus? well, it is the best univ in uae with most of the top-notch facilties, aiming for the stars eh? now i wonder if i can reach them...i chose mangement well, cuz my sis was like any one can do it, haha i cant manage my wardrobe or my bookshelf n u expect me to learn to manage a company huh? possibly never gonna happen...

gah wat should i doo, i'm soo confused! i just wanna study a subject where i dun have to mug up alot, but is more application, then again i m not got reeeeeeealy at application stuff too...hah thats y i wanted to be a graphics designer, but then i wonder if i am creative enough?

in anycase, i think i'll try studyin accounts, lets see...its better to be on the safe side rite? but i dun wanna waste my brain capacity if arabic n isl/lifeskills r counted as a subject. GOD I HATE MAKING DECISIONS, its just that i have sucha a bad luck in makin decisions, my gueses even usually turn out to be rong so i dun even trust myself anymore

oh yah cant believe this is gonna be the last summer holidays, after the next academic year no more skool!

reality shock

2008-04-26T12:40:00.003+04:00

k so i have finally realized that i got 1 month left to study 2 years portion for each freakin subject...n i m tryin my best to study for more than an hour with gettin distracted or takin never-ending-breaks
i got my mock papers, well i was pretty surprised by my eng mock, it was much better than before n for the first time in 5 years i scored an A in it! >:D i was sooo happy that i was huggin everyone, n couldn't stop smilin n my heart was racin! i tend to overreact alot....but come on first time in 5 years!
as for e.m well i guess i'll score a B which is much better than a C. paper 1 was gr8, i lost most of my marks in paper 4 alternative to coursework...to much to read, think n rite n not much time, plus drawin! u cant do all that in 1hr 30 mins! if wasn't for all those quarters n half marks i would have gotten 25/60...i still have to see my pper 2 which was the easiest outta the 2, i m sure i'll score 70+/80
my bro has been experimentin alot with his camera...
a pic of mine he took
well i aint lookin that great but the pic quality is really amazin, me wuv slr, if u wanna see more pics go to adnano.deviantart.com , wow shameless publicity huh?
anyways...there isn't much to see there as he has only uploaded 3 pics i think...

my sis, seein that i have an e.m board exam comin, bought me a few reference books made by discovery channels for gr7 or 8. its pretty colourful, n informative. its a volume contain 3 books, earth, universe, n animals. i dun really care bout animals so i have been readin the other 2 so that i can go to sleep at night.

the last week was quite filled with tears, not from me, but from ppl round me...well my class teacher made 2 of my classmates cry, one of em had an asthma attack due to the anxiety. well i remember wen amelita screamed at me for tellin other students bout the option of first lang, n i still find her in the rong for keepin it a secret; but i did not cry...sure i was depressed but to cry, umm :\ its a bit too much, i guess girls in my class r abit too sensitive. well i guess amelita has perfected the art of scolding, as she completely fulfils the aim of makin a person feel guilty to the core n she never entertains any excuses no matter how reasonable or genuine they may sound.
in another case, one girl started cryin just cuz the other one scolded at her...now i can not assure u the authenticity of this as i wasn't present at the moment wen this happend, it was a hear-say told to me by the girl who scolded, although i do know for a fact that there is a girl in my class who would cry over an insult or a nasty remark, n bring her mom next day. but comeon is it so hard to hear from one ear n out through the other? i guess i can cuz i m pretty much used to ppl scoldin me,

so in the end i would like to wish everyone the very best of luck for the upcoming exams, n to the 11th gr,
n plz be strong cuz im sure we've got far more difficult hardships waitin for us to overcome...

smile plz!

2008-04-05T00:20:00.003+04:00

k so i hate my life wats new bout that, wats new is that i finally got a SLR!! YAAAAY!!!
ahem even though it doesn't belong to *ahem me....
but i will still use it... hehe, its kinda pain in the ass takin close up shots though, my bro who was inspired by mOi (even though he doesn't admit it -_-;) bout canon eos 400d, he did see the nikon one too but it was too buldgy. in anycase, we got a free tripod stand, then he bought the cheapest lens he could find ehehe... anyways i m gonna put money in buyin the new flash ^^ the pics well it comes like how it is in the normal cam cuz of the lightnin n well we were all lookin like slobs... but i m sure with enough practice it would be just a pinch...
yesterday my sis forcefully took me to her univ (AUS) fair known as Global Day. it was like a mini global village...but the main attraction is usually the theatre! well the fashion show was gr8 except that i for the fact i didn't know that kazakhistan's national dress for a lady is a snow white dress(literally it was white!), with white-coloured witch hat, she looked cute like a fairy ^^. n the guy looked like a chinese emperial. only the indian n the paki did a play, the rest all did a dance...
haha the comments from the audience were awesome made me laugh soo bad... :P
anyways to all the ppl graduatin, see u on the ceremony, yes i will be dragged out there -_-, one of the former students comin as a vip guest is my sis friend who i just met on the global day, she said she didn't wanted to come bak cuz givin a speech is sucha pain in the ass n i agree to it...i wonder how gloria did get in contact with her...?
anyways have fun gonna miss u guys :'( with honeys mehndi, n skoon's randomness

Madness in March

2008-03-20T11:17:00.002+04:00

so the time of crisis is finally here, n done. my sis weddin which was actually fun n lively! XD but then managin it with skool timings was a pain-in-the-ass, so here i was awke from 5 in the mornin came to skool, had a staybak for e.m, went home, took a bath n got ready for another event, n came bak home at 2:30, slept for barely 2.5 hrs, n again woke up at 5 n acme to skool! i even started sleepin in the bus which was quite literally impossible for me before, (even now i stil cant sleep but i can doze off to a certain lvl of unciousness) despite the fact that mocks r comin up just next week, i still have opened my bks, n gladly accepted an offer from the art teacher to paint on a canvas, at the open house day! cuz i felt kinda bad for her for dissin her every offer. quite a no of ppl were supposed to come from the 10th gr but i saw none (ofcourse no one is such an idiot to waste a holiday in skool!) the canvases were mainly supposed to be painted by gr10s but seein none, most of the gr9s showed up to fill the space, ofcourse some were already selected while others just volunteered, a guy beside me made a scenery of dubai blending in the past n the future with a river, a girl named sajida (who left her paintin incomplete!) painted some monument here in uae, then another canvas had bedouins on their camels, another painted a some sorta old arab house with pots hanging on a string,
i was pretty clueless bout mine, plus the last time i painted was an year bak, so i just hope the art teacher's expectations weren't so high, i searched thrhough alotta reference bks, n found a small paintin of hibiscus (the pic on the book was bout 1x2inch) so it was kinda hard to copy the details, plus i dun think i would have been able to create a controlled splatter efect with just a brush, if only i had a tooth brush! oh well, it took bout 5 mins to create the sketch, since this was my first time drawin on a canvas, i did mess up the first petal :(, i started by apply the base colour (yelow) on the whole petal then blend it with orange, n create dark tones with red n brown, the thing is wen i started with the red i realized that the paint erases off if u stroke alot on a particular spot especialy if ur brush has a alotta water in it, not knowin this, i was nicely doin a million strokes n was shocked to find a pinkish red (original colour of the paint) instead of the warm red that i was lookin for that i though should have been created after being applied upon yellow n orange, but soon i got a hang of the technique n did it, by the time i came to the second flower i was a bit tired, n the stems looked the worst cuz i just wanted the paintin to get over...i started at 9 n worked continously n finished it at 2;30 so thats like 5hrs n 30mins? shit i cant believe i sat on the chair for that long. plus there was this stupid doc who wanted to paint but was clueless n kept buggin after ever 2 mins, 'ee, is this ok no?' or ''now which colour should i put'' really annoyin! i mean wen i was workin i wasn't really consious of ppl lookin at my paintin at all since i was soo 'focused'' (as said by the headmaster) but i also like to work in peace n quietness. by the end of it i was soo bored, frustrated, n irritated, plus this fatso dude who was supposed to do his duty came at our table all the time, he commented on the docs paintin (supposed to be a first timer, n said that she didn't have art in her skool, plzz couldn't u come with a better excuse to get more praise?) n commented on mine, n the said that my henna was nice, i was like uh thnks with a polite tone n smile. he came again, sayin if i needed anythin to eat n then ask the teacher, i was like dude r u some butler? or a personal servant. seein how he was willingly tryin to get himself involved, i asked him to gimme a hand in doin the bg, it was just blotching paint on the canvas with the brush n my hand was pretty tired, he did for awhile, but lookin at how he was scared that he may ruin the paintin, i took the brush bak from him, n told him to search for the yellow paint, it was fun to order him around, plus since he was a fatso he didn't have much of an attitude. i was prety bored so i chatted with hime for awhile, ahh but the 9th gr were desperate i suppose...:P they came n started chit chattin, as i soon as i finished i left my seat n started roamin arond...the fatso came after me later wen i was sittin alone at the bench, almost dead lookin, with my hair messed up, my tie hangin down, belt opened n hangin dowin as always n my slouchy state must have made him feel srry for me, but i told him to get lost in a friendly manner but i guess my face didn't look so friendly, n so i just waited for the day to end.
now i m gonna start stuyin like crazy for e.m. wishin everyone best of luck for their mocks!

Fatigue

2008-02-24T08:35:00.002+04:00

thnk god the earth rythem is over!!!!!! ahhh man i m soo tired, i should be at skool rite now but my sis had supposedly heard me sayin that i didn't wanted to go to skool today n didn't wake me up no did i keep my alarm clock...damit if u would have been walkin for more than 12 hours who would give a damn bout the stupid clock. although i do like the idea for stayin bak here in the house, i extremely detest the thought of havin to copy down all the notes n try to understand a variety of explanations.
lets soo how did my day go? well after 4 hours of labour, my friend n i skipped into the boysblock where we got a better duty that was sit on the chair n just guard the participants, (as if they needed any. soon we got bored n just started walkin round wen the show started. the first performance did attract alotta crowd, i guess ever participant from our skool attracted the crowd now aint that suspicious... i didn't hear much of the bands later cuz i had a headache from all the noise, n the heavy metal dude i just sorta wished he shut the hell up! >< i hate noisy places, n songs sure i dun mind listenin to one or 2 but then every band has to have one metal song. cant the just play some rock song with a catchy tune? wonderwall would have been if the singer didn't suked mostly all the singers suked but wateva...teenagers also has a rythem that makes u move, one of greendays would have been nice, n one from googoodolls, n the girl band could have done a cover from sheryl crow or ashlee simpson or avril lavigne! dunno y cant they choose a popular song that everyone knows. oh well its over. my friend did wanted to form a girl band but most of the paki girls in our skool r well, no comment...i wonder if somethin like this will happen next year, i might try to improve my skills but i just dun want wannabe ppl, if u got the skill then welcome aboard. i dunno the ranks, i'll ask someone tomorow. oh yah n most of the crowd was filled with wannabe guys -_- there was even a fite at the end but thnk gd the security guard was there to stop it. n well wat else, so did i enjoy myself? kinda ;P

Procastinators Leaders of Tomorow!

2008-02-04T19:31:00.000+04:00

Procastinators Leaders of Tomorow!

lol yah it was on my profile pipc for awhile but a friend preffered my sucidal pic more than this so i changed.
yup so i finaly got a badge with my name on it. but i still feel that i m not fit for the change, n wen ppl talk bout being the head girl next year it just gives me the creeps! i got screamed by my e.m teacher cuz my tie was down, n i was to be the role model for the class , then durin the last period for some wierd sports practice i was the last person to arrive, at first i thought of skippin it but then i felt bored so i went n then i saw the importance of being a dp head girl! god i cant even be absent on the sports day! WTH! but it was fun playin hide n seek in the boys block with a badge friend, plus lying on vijis face wen she caught us with the chief guests. mehehe told her that we heard complaints bout some girls roamin the buildin n were assigned duties to kick them outta here XD (seems abit ironic now doesn't it) lol me n my friend r badge abusers! MUAHAHA but i must say their block is sooo kl, n we got lost soo many times , n they have soo many stairs
n wats with the landscape being painted on the walls? its not fair we gotta lousy oozy coloured green wall, plus inside the classrooms they have like 4 rows instead of 3 no wonder they need 2 split a.cs in each room

i actually got this phrase from a site sellin t-shirts.
rings a bell?

anyways, im happy that all the crappy events r over...investiture, careers day n sports day
i made a small acoustic tune while i was bored, tell me watchuall think

2008-01-22T19:19:00.001+04:00

i m kinda sad well ok i m lyin now but my turtle just died n i dun feel a thing...
heartless yes! DEFINITELY! well the story is that my bro was throwing its food in the water so it can swim to it n eat, but well it was just paralysed with its eyes closed shut n sunk rite at the bottom even after being tapped n shaken a couple of times it wouldn't respond so i can only assume its dead but it could have into hibernation too, but the temperatures aren't the extreme. somehow i knew it was comin cuz it was just sittin on rocks all day while the other just swam frantically to reach some imaginary being outta its tank. so we all thought it was sik probably due to weather...lets have a moment of silence n pray that the turle rests in peace (sadly i still haven't thought of name for it yet)

now, on to the recent events...well during the holidays i was pretty much inspired by czarina to have created her own blogskin, so i decided to give it a try...well umm it does look quite promising only if i wasn't soo indolent bout it. its basically pop-art, filled with patterns...depends on a person's taste my sis found it sik while i found it quite attractive n vibrant n abit retro. so that issue is still pending. Next, the whisper's of a talent show being held had reached my ears a long time bak wen it was first announced n me being unable to keep my mouth shut (yes i m a terrible secret-keeper wen it comes to gd news) so i told my friends bout it, they all were soo hyped up bout it that it was all that they could talk bout durin the whole arabic period. then the rumours came that it was for gr11 only which pissed most of the 10thgraders since our batch (well mostly my group) didn't get to do anythin for the carnival. anyways, we r just clingin on to the hope that after the grad ceremony they might organize somethin for all the 3 batches...Next, i unconciously volunteered to try out public speakin (in other words, practicin for orals by talkin infront of the whole class) yes WTH WAS I THINKIN?! no idea i wasn't even aware of it!
well it was kinda suspicious that my eng teacher was givin my side a few stares quiet frequently waitin to see if any of the gd students might volunteer to talk...well stage fright creates a mental distortion among most ppl (me among them) so no one did. by the end of the period she finally looks at my direction n says 'rabia, u can do it for the next period' i was in utter shock O_O y me -_- i sit at the second last seat i try my best to avoid anyone to reach out to me n yet her eyes r as sharp as n eagle. my friend said that she was shocked to see my raisin my hand, n there was another shock O_O I ACTUALLY VOLUNTEERED FOR IT? she was kinda shocked too, i said it was impossible maybe i raised my hand to scratch my head or somethin but thats just impossible. well it doens't matter since the consequence of my retarded unconsious action is inevidible. my topic is copyin (mostly copyright material n stuff) I finally got to see a photocopy of my badge! ^^ well they were chekin if the names were spelt correctly...so yah mine was fine, its gonna be silver in colour, n well cant wait to get my hands on it, although i have no idea wat im gonna do with it except for wearin it. i still dun get y m i still sufferin the mockins from my friends wen other ppl also became somethin too. in the bus, in the class, durin the break, in the toilet, there is that stupid chantin always goin on ' deputy head girl, 'deputy head girl'
meh, just hope that this month ends out normally without any freak shows. n i hope on completely that blogskin rite after i finish bloggin, studyin, doin hw, eatin, doin project. i wonder if that all is possible in 2 hours...dun think so lets wait for the weekend

Drip Drip*

2008-01-15T20:51:00.000+04:00

as i stepped outside the building, the rain poured on to the streets n it sounded like a million ppl were clappin tiny claps that just amplified to make it sound like many claps, k i dunno wat i just typed but i m sure that is somethin for the readers to wrack their brains against. anyways, the buildin entrance was quite crowded my bus mate (who lives in the buildin next to mine) had come to my stop, she said the area over there was flooded, so she had to come to my stop...n so we waited with our heavy bags hung up on our shoulders givin me jolts of pain that finally convinced me too take out my bio nt bk. i knew that rain could be expected anytime, so i bought my handy plastic file ^^ (yah so i m lazy to go buy an umbrella got a prob?) but we were standin under a shelter n checkin out this wierd shop under my building called multimedia shop, apparently its been opened for quite awhile now but no one usually enters the shop, cuz it has the wierdest merchandise to sell! -_- anyways this is not bout the stupid shop but how global warming is starting to affect our dail lives.
so anyways, after 15mins most ppl started to become restless n agitated. the teachers who lived on the street behind me came my stop (since their street was flodded too),so after 30 mins of waitin with this annoyin bak pak n chatterin my teeth in the cold, my friend's mom got pissed n started phonin the drver. his response was...the way to our street is blocked so he wasn't gonna pik us up...
so thats like more than 15ppl only at my stop!n there were others at other stops! sothats like 30-40 ppl in total (includin us). so seein that i had to wake up at 5:30am n ruin my sleep, n endure my skool bag that seemed to be filled with dumbells, i felt stupid standin in the rain n waitin, u know i can now sympathize with those ppl who have been stood up on their dates. it feels horrible. so ahem my friend was gonna go to skool later with her dad round 8 n offered me a ride, my mom was like forget stay at home its rainin hevily outside, but i dun like to miss skool (yah call me a geek, but i m too lazy to copy stuff later) wen i came out by the situation had become worse than before the pavements were being slightly overflown by water, the traffic was horrible forget the main roads, the streets n service roads had been completely congested! i saw my 2 sis n bros walkin towards their car sulkin as they thought by goin to work in this traffic. ps the reason y i didn't ask them to drop me was cuz all 3 of them work in different areas n i would just be another burden for my bro, plus it was more convenient for me if i went with my friend. but then seein the traffic n all i just decided to just skip the skool, my friend asked me whether i was sure, i was hesitant for a moment but then i cant bear the traffic! i read online on gulfnews that one guy took 7 hours to reach his workstation! (reached at 3pm or sotmehin)
so i gleefully went bak to my house n my mom had that 'told-ya-so' look on her face. n then she goes like 'as i said its useless goin to skool today'
sometimes wen i think bout it, it seems too wierd that my mom is discouragin me from goin to skool while i m debatin against her with all the possible reasons in my mind.

anyways this just a random old song on rain although its kinda sad but i like the sound of it sometimes it feels soo soothin after hearin continous 5hrs of rock music or rap.

but if u wanna listen to a more happy tone then here u r
http://www.fileden.com/files/2006/10/20/303106/01.%20MR.RAINDROP.rbs

i think the weather is just changin due to global warmin as it is startin to affect the wind patterns which is causin such a dramatic change. i wonder if dubai would really flood next winter...

cloudy days...

2008-01-09T20:07:00.000+04:00

well, since the start of jan its been super cold...its never been this cold in dubai! i m pretty much sure of it! is it global warmin? nah that should heat up the place probably its global dimming

anyways, today was the open house, n for the first time i decided to do my duty as a badge holder...look whose talkin bout repsonsibility hehe. i thought i would skip it but then i felt guilty since i didn't come on the previous open house (sik with fever) so i decided to come.

n so begins my day as i woke with darn alrm clock ringin in the mornin. as i stepped outside my house, the frosty breeze made shiver to my toes. it wasn't pretty comfortable in the bus since there were barely 3 or 4 ppl sittin far away from each other to provide any warmth. i thought i was early to reach skool n almost stepped into the class with my tie ragged down n the collar split open. luckily i noticed just in time n arranged my attire. till 10am i was helpin round the floor doin tiny chores...hasangi was actually frustrated by the fact that a friend had betrayed her trust (the friend convinced her that she would come to skool but she didn't show up) then girls in our class skippin duties, n our seniors dumpin the dirty work on us.

at 10 we went down to the lobby to greet the parents n help them around. i was actually abit taken bak by seein ms alessa in formal attire (neva seen her before like that!) she looked sophisticated. but unfortunately her manner just melted away the deceit. it wasn't that she was jumpin round, its just that she was doin a far more better job than us in greetin the parents. our soft murmurs of respect were nothin compared to her loud n friendly greetins. as for me, it was pretty damn hard to keep on smilin for more than 15 mins, my cheeks started to ache, n i gave rong directions to a few parents (NOT INTENTIONALLY!) n hasangi had to correct me, so from then onwards i usually told the parents to ask her for directions. after an hour i got bored n started to play sodoku on my mobile (mom's) but i wished weneva a parent(s) came in. but then i couldn't concentrate due to all the noise. after half an hour, my glumy face attracted warda's attention (must have looked like this ---> to her) n outta pity she took my spot n told me to take a break. after which i never came bak....

as i was walkin it was almost time for the skool band's performance, i forgot its name though. well the intro for first song sounded kinda familiar (hmm wonder if they had copied a few parts from somewhere) but the overal music was gd. the prob was that the volumes for the mic weren't adjusted properly. the drums were the loudest n i felt srry for the kids who sat on the bench that was rite next to the huge speaker. the mic for the vocals was just pathetic, the voice came out muffled n low, it almost seemed like an instrumental band. the sad thing is everyone listened to the music while probably 3 or 4 cheered for them (probably their own friends) i enjoyed the music as i played my game of sodoku n did a little clap for them in the end . after 3 performances it began to drizzle so it was time to cover up the equipment. ate a packet of chips. went upstairs n found hasangi. later we ate lunch which consisted of a sik soggy chicken burger, n roya made me completely lose my appetite by sayin that she saw a hair in one of them(it was a joke ofcourse) had a can of mountain dew wen my dad called n said he was in my class.

turns out that he hadn't paid fees for dec & jan so i couldn't receive my report card unless the fees was paid . well, i m a mini version of my dad in personality ofcourse. he didn't wanted to wait in the line cuz it was too crowded. impatient as always. seeing his stubborness i had no choice but to volunteer. so i waited 30 mins in the line . i played sodoku while i was waitin but then i got a headache n was sik of waitin. seriously that particular cashier was totally incompetent compared to others (probably new). while i was waitin for my turn my dad suddenly shows up, with my papers in his hand, n says he's goin home . well i had to stay till 4 anyways...so the stupid chashier gave 1 hundred note n gave melike bunch of 5 notes! (all the 5 notes totally summed up to 60 so u can imagine how many 5 notes i had) so i went bak upstairs n amelita the receipt n asked if she would like to take the change, she gave me a 50note, n suddenly my pocket felt much lighter...with the receipt, money, mp3 player, n mobile.

then from 2 to almost 4:20 i just loitered on the floor sometimes flippin my phone out to play sodoku, i think most of the ppl must have thought i sendin n sms all the time (but i dunno how to >_<). alotta guys came maybe to discuss for their mocks or somethin, then i couldn't help but eavesdrop a lecture being given to 2 girls, both r gd friends n both their parents were lecturin...well those 2 r hopeless but the words that were being used were quite amusing. then a few of my friends came n i went off with my friendly greetings . as i was leavin i was givin another task to go upstairs n talk to the supervisor bout somethin (unimportant n irrelevent) so i went but she was talkin to a parent n i was waited n waited, wen the converstaion finally finished, n as i was bout to advance she called out to another teacher n started talkin in private...TO HELL WITH THIS! i dun wanna miss my bus cuz of this stupid task thats not even related to me! so i left...n went to my bus (but turned out i had to go to a van)

as i listenin to the music n playin sodoku, i noticed that the clouds were gigantic n grey also known as cumulonimbus (clouds that bring showers of rain, learnt it in gr7 n still remember it :D) the chills brought by the winter were soothened by the hearty atmosphere of the teachers laughin n complainin) my chem teacher complained that she had been deceived by the authorities as someone told her that the open house was from 10am-5pm. n the truth brought to her by a student. the irony here is the fact that slavery done by students wasn't enough to satisfy them that they had to trick the new teachers. n today i learnt somethin shockin, that the bus driver knew my name but i dunno his...well i never had the need to know...

n so here i m wonderin y i m bloggin bout this wen no one exactly is interested... i can see y all my other friends who stayed bak last time didn't want to do it again, well i have learnt my lesson dunno bout hasangi though (this was her second experience)

turnin to probably sweet or sour sixteen under the red moon

2008-01-01T13:44:00.000+04:00

so i have finally turned 16. i wonder y the heck its called sweet 16. y dun ppl exactly see the point that ur growing older, an year of ur life is finished, n plus u're gonna get dumped with more responsibilities!!!!! the only thing different bout this birthday is that 1) i got lotsa hugs, (n i mean lots!) 2)got whipped all over my face 3)got to see a red moon! more to come
well technically that would be the moon of the 31st dec. but wth, it looked pretty kl, it was huge, n was shaped like a dome 'D' turn this D further 90degree clockwise. n u will get a smile. :) n it had sort of a redish glow to it, not yellow but sorta like orange n red. i just came to know that i was gonna get a mobile for my birthday, but due to the votes given by the majority the plan was cancelled, cuz i m n anti-social freak, who just plays games on mobiles, forgodsake i barely know how to send an sms! (never had to send one) so u see i pretty outdated with mobiles which is y i need one become one of the stereotypes. i dunno y but for the past few days i have been in a fancy of rainbow socks, dunno y i just feel like buyin such whacky sox! ehehehe.
now the thing bout birthday presents is that ppl usually ask 'wat do u want for ur birthday?' which is basically the most tedious task for me to handle, ofcourse i have my wishlist, but i wonder if u can even afford it cuz i certainly cant. so u cant really ask someone to buy for u a gift worth 3500bucks, cuz its just not feasible, but then its wat i really want so r u sure still wanna get me wat i want?
on the other buying a pair of socks wouldn't be a prob, now would it, but the thing is that the idea is so whacky that none of them r takin it seriously, i wouldn't even mind if u get me a kl keychain for my bag!, god birthday dilemas r soo hectic, U JUST CANT GET WAT U WANT!
a friend gifted me headphones for my mp3 player which amplify the bass, the only setbak is that it is PINK! -_- its just that i m not a big fan of baby pink, but who cares bout the colour as long as teh quality is gd!
so the day seems to be going like any other day, with the usual chores, n the usual scoldings. i wonder wats gonna happen durin the evenin. my dad looks pretty excited, which is kinda wierd in a way, well this is the first time i have seen him soo excited compared to all the other birthdays i have had. well i gues i m the smallest n also havin it on sucha special date, but hey i know the value of being pampered unlike some ppl in this world, plus i might have been born on the first but i m usualy the last in almost everything i do, be it sports, sittin down for studies etc.
so i m gonna cut 2 cakes i guess, i have already cut one at the point where the struck 12am on 31st dec, oh n btw did i tell i blew 17 candles? the person who must have set up the candles probably would have been really gd at maths. plus my sis bought these candles on which the colour of the flame changes into the colour of the candle, so there was this blue colour candle which had a blue flame, it looked pretty kewl. n the other one i'll cut today again durin the evenin probably with my family (i just hope they dun put the cream on my face for one thing i already had my face covered up on new year's eve)
another thing bout birthday is that u gotta make a wish before blowin out the candles, wats up with that? my wishes never came true so its just stupid tryin to even think bout em.
i cant believe that i can be soo critical bout birthdays, but hey guess wat i m. wel i guess the env that u grow up in does plays up a major part of ur personality. meh i just want to wish everyone a happy new year, n oh my new year resolution is to enjoy live each moment of my life, no matter how borin they may be.

Get The Hell Outta My Head

2007-12-12T17:47:00.000+04:00

well finallly the exams r over but i cant really say that it got over on a happy note realizing that both my mocks were utterly horrible...i can just lay my fate on God's mercy n pray the Almighty for sparing my future.
so tomorows the class party, many of us had planned that we werent goin to come but its seems our class teacher's manipulative speech might have change that and we r wavering on our grounds. its quite surprising actually shockin for me that i just noticed that i could rite such annoyin sentences over here on which i would have been given abundance of marks and yet i just cant seem to keep the same kl durin exams just wen i need the use of such talent, how ironic. exam nerves. coming to the topic, dun u ever find it extremely a nuisance wen a person tries to butt in to ur business without askin ur consent or think that they are always (well mostly which is more aggravating)a person who always has this unconsious need for control, to have things always rite, to have things perfect and good and best, why not? everyone tries to achieve perfection, but no one holds on to it as an obsession. such ppl who can manipulate u into the guilt corner that ur desperately tryin leave ur body leaving a dummy behind so as to not offend anyone by speaking out ur mind nor do u even have to suffer. this is how i feel wen i m with my class teacher. so u try to reconcile with this hateful dislikin feelin in ur heart, u just cant let this feelin go. my point from all this senseless blabberings? well i was plannin to be absent on the class party BUT since i m one of my class teacher's fav regardless of my ill feelings towards her i have to come not just to keep her heart because of manipulative speech that just the G-chord in my heard- guilt. so well i m gonna bring cups tomorow, listened to music that has been checked and censored by my class teachers so our ears remain pure and innocent (hah dun make me laugh). Having rights seems like a privelige not an obligation...and that too based upon pretences to make us believe in false hope of justice.
strangely i have noticed that a few of my friends (and few teachers TOO) love my sayin my full name... :S or maybe an iconic symbol spread out in words, confusing lemme explain. I was just tellin my friend how bad my test and how i would go home and cry rivers of tears (figuratively) she actually believed me, and even though i tried to convince her that i wont she said she expected it cuz i was "Rabia Ihsan" WTF? i dun get it. there has been couple of incidents before it seems like i m The Rabia Ihsan so it must have been done in a particular way. i dun get it y ppl see me as such an iconic symbol of the 'perfect student'. so i like to stay outta trouble for most n yet keep friends who luv to create a riot so i join them maybe once in awhile? wats so shockin bout that if u take even that away from a person like me, trust me my life will be the most boring tale ever. so yah i m smart and like to get gd marks? is there a rule in this so called stereotypical-school-life of ours that such ppl are geeks and nerds and live a life of complete boredem and their goody-goody conceited way of thinkin? i think we r so biased amongst ourselves... pretendin not tryin to care bout it while it kills u on the inside? i think its stupidity and completely illogical for smart person to not use their talents to make themselves happy. the intrications created in our lives are clearly manifested on our personality and it is this which seems to be deteriorating our sight of logic.

Logic, Logic, Logic...yes i m obsessed with it, because i want to believe in something that has a useful meaning behind to show that its not just made to waste, lifes unanswered questions all of them must be having some sorta logic behind them...some sorta purpose, its just we don't know. "Everything happens for the best, its just we dunno yet" i have whole heartedly accepted this concept, n now wen i think bak at all the sad moments in my life, i can actually understand the logic behind it. so u see even though matters that are so trivial, happen for a reason, we just dunno it yet. n yes it does happens for the best no matter how painful it is, so with this in my mind i can finally smile even wen im bursting into sadness. yes i do luv philosophy but i hate ppl who talk alot, meaningless talk.

rite now i m drownin my sorrow with Boston Legal which is the reason y i was typin in sucha wierd way. i guess alan shore's clear expression of logic and cynasism does kinda influences me hehe...gr8 series a must watch.

gr10 vs gr 9?

2007-11-15T16:53:00.000+04:00

hmm so finally i had a test that went gr8! (physics!>_<) although most of the ppl wanted to kill me weneva i said that. hehe
anyways...as much as the topic may sound stereotypical (since its tws) its somethin new for me, a friend of mine is gettin pestered by some arab gals in gr9, my friend doesn't who they r n yth r they pesterin her...so my arab classmate started to stick for my friend n she started gettin pestered too, well we all know that arabs just cant stay quite n let things go or ignore to be precise... n voila, one thing led to another n somewat we had a showdown in the breaktime, there was gonna be another one in the bus area, but i was too freakin tired to watch with my bad weighin a ton. my other friend who is a karate green belt (i think) wanted to chop them up but hehe wouldn't that be just playin into their hands since they wanted a fite... n for some reason there were just toooooooooooooooooo many guys outside my bus (kinda stinked >__< no place to walk.
so we all knew that the gr 9 are pretty worse than gr10 n even ms deepa agreed to that, well i wonder if the upcomin generations r really gettin worse? i remember i never saw any such probs with our seniors (well, maybe once...i do remember bloggin bout that incident) maybe a minor glitch sometimes but nothin serious but now ppl just have sooo much attitude!! just wth r those ppl r so proud of? they have no value or dignity watsoeva in skool, among their peers, teachers or boys (whom they value the most i guess), no brains at all, most of them r usually rebels that fite for the rong cause if i continue i might go on forever...but i m not talkin bout those who r younger than me, its just wat i have noticed among my peers n alotta other ppl too. beauty can give birth to pride, i can agree with that but wat if ur ugly with pride?! i dunno wether it is a gd or bad thing >_< i just dun understand y ppl have so much attitude? which is the only thing i cant stand in a person. i have been lied to, betrayed at times n yet i can forgive all that but i just cant stand someones attitude. i dunno bout gr8 n gr7 though...most of em r pretty obedient but then the world is gettin corrupted day by day... girls brainwashed by fashion magz, boys looking up to rappers...seriously just wth is rong with our generation! few of us who r sane enough for not gettin sucked with the stereotypes n mindless hobbies should stick together n should be grateful to God each day that we aren't as naive as them n screw the media for their stupid propaganda n brainwashin us!
man i m sure a topic drifter

art fart

2007-11-12T20:09:00.000+04:00

yah so i created an album with the same name on facebook!
well since my life has been a pretty mess n got lectured by amelita (damn shes gd in makin one feel guilty!) for reasons i cant tell n the ironic part is i was screamed at cuz i told dsomethin to someone which was a secret between a few students (includin me n amelita) but well if it could help others then y shouldn't i tell them bout it too huh? well i didn't think of the consequences n blabbed my mouth out...n now amelita says she cant trust me again. moral of this episode is that goodwill always causes probs! n tat u shouldn't share ur opportunities with other ppl no matter how conceited it may make u look. now i m sure i must have driven ur curiosity to the edge...well too bad i cant tell u hehe

the chem test suked i became pretty doubtful as to how copper is refined usin electrolysis. but i just rote some crap. the effin 9th graders were soo annoyin! the just couldn't STFU! seems like they knew the teacher n since bio paper was pretty easy the finished it early n started talkin. i HATE SUCH IMATURITY! FOR GODSAKE UR GONNA SEE HER AGAIN! meh. this is the 3rd consecutive test in which i suked. i just realised that studyin is just isnt enough, i need the goddamn passpapers! >_< wish me luck for physics gaaaaaah oh yah so this is wat i was doin this weekend instead of drenchin myself into studies drew my dream class...

started off in paint, then decided to finish it in photoshop.

coloured

ppl say that luv is a connection of 2 hearts n crap. although its easy to say but hard to imagin, so i tried drawin it in the literal sense which was quite fun :) i might as well try drawin ppl with hearts ripped out. i think i shouldn't have watched that 18+ russian movie on starworld, somethin bout vampires n lotsa gore.

black version! ^^

so i coloured it! should have made it drenched with blood hmm...

Acoustic #3

2007-11-06T21:46:00.000+04:00

so i got nothing really to post bout and decided to post my current fav song!
acoustic #3 an amzin song from my ever favourite band The Goo Goo Dolls, their lyrics are usually simple yet the message is so bold and always leaves an impact on whoever listens to them. This mini song was used for a serial about teenage drama called Dawson's Creek (1998-2003). The song is pretty simple and short and the meanin of the lyrics can be taken at any level. The mellow voice, and the repetitive picking of the guitar puts you in a sort of a trance n anyone can relate atleast some part of the lyrics to their own life. my my this would surely help in my reveiw writing skils hehe hope ya'll enjoy the song plus i luv playin this song on my guitar! ^^

They painted up your secrets
With the lies they told to you
And the least they ever gave you
Was the most you ever knew
And I wonder where these dreams go
When the world gets in your way
What's the point in all this screaming?
No one's listening anyway.

Your voice is small and fading
And you're hiding here unknown
And you mother loves you father
'cause she's got nowhere to go
And she wonders where these dreams go
'cause the world got in her way
What's the point in never trying?
Nothing's changing anyway.

They press their lips against you
And you love the lies they say
And I tried so hard to reach you
But you're falling anyway
And you know I see right through you
'cause the world gets in your way
What's the point in all this screaming?
You're not listening anyway.

another disastrous week

2007-10-31T10:47:00.000+04:00

rite now, i m in my house, sik with cold, my rite side of the head kinda hurts at times, n my rite eye just cant stop pourin out tears...
well as u can see responsibilities have totally burned me out, n me who has very little stamina just cant avoid the consequences. the week began with ms kitty, forcefully ritin my name for another presentation that was supposed to be held after 2 days which is today...n it was gonna be presented to some students along with some env ppl from outside who would be comin to our skool for observation. i really didn't wanted to take part -_- but then i just have a problem sayin no to ppl gaah feel like killin myself. then durin the comp period, ms shiny suddenly pops into the classroom, sees my badge and asks me for my name...no idea wat it was for. later i was enlightened by some students that this if for some 'guard of honor' crap. n that we have to stand in the office, n receive some guests comin for the tour of our skool. they told us it was gonna be like 10 mins or so but we were actually gone for like almost 2 hours...! i dun wanna skip my periods!
wen we went down, there were 2 red carpets laid on to the floor, first one lead from the main entrance to the exit of the office, n the second overlapped the first from the main entrance to the principal's office. we had to first stand for 1 hour waitin for them to come, wen they arrived...we all greeted them n then the left to have a tour of our skool. so wat do we do now...huh? i mean we cant stand here wait for them until they come bak i mean this is more like being punished!@ so after standin for like 5 more mins the teachers told us we could sit on the sofas n they will tell wen the principal and the party is gonna arrive. well everyone was talkin n havin a gala time wen suddenly a teacher comes n tells us that they are about to arrive n everyone was rushin bak to their places...apparently we weren't told early enough n they saw a few boys runnin in frenzy :P well they laughed it off too... one man even asked a boy that 'honestly how long have u guys been standin?' he replied ' for a very long time, sir' :P
the next day i stayed bak, for the env presentation, which seemed totally pointless since we did nothin. well, i spent 20 mins learnin how to rip off flash animation through websites n pastin it on powerpoint slides. n i actually did this for the env presentation. well that was the only contribution i made. my friend n i were supposed to find out info on solar energy, but most of the time were on facebook :P. i could start to sense the signs of fatigueness in my body, n felt that i was slowly comin up with a sikness, cuz my throat was kinda dry. the next day, i was crammin my nose with tissues, n tryin to keep myself concious in the class, yup i was stuck up with cold. i was supposed to stay bak but seein my condition, my partner even felt srry for me n said that i really didn't have to push myself this hard. but this wasn't the only thing that was one my concerns, the book n bake sale on open house was comin up n we the skool council members have to go make announcements to all the 5-11 gr to bring old books n bake stuff...that really got me exhausted. the 5ths were just adorable! the whole class was willin to help! unlike the 7 and 8s they got so much of attitude -_- well, i couldn't really bitch bout them since even all the 9 10 n 11 pretty much reacted the same way.
today, is the main env presentation, n today i was supposed to knock on each door n collect the items, n today i was supposed to staybak n price all the books. today, my class teacher would finally return from her one week holiday. n today there would halloween party in the bus in which i will miss all the goodies. n today, i am absent. y? well, wen i woke up today mornin, i was wonderin whether i should go to skool today or not. if i dun, then i might miss all the important studies, n if i do, i will be burdened with more stuff n in this condition i just cant take anymore. plus i was feelin a little woozy, n felt like i was bout to vomit. so i told my mom, she checked my forehead n said i had a fever well i hadn't noticed it until she had said so...plus i have to s tay bak tomorow in any case, i need to be better by tomorow for the stupid open house.. for this stupid eye is annoyin me soo much this is the first time such athing has happend to me that my eyes is uncontrolably sheddin out tears so rite now i m typin with my eyes closed but i do open it sometimes to chekc whether i have made mistake or not. so if u find any typos srry. so this is how another horrible week is about to end. wat is with this month? its just been the worst ever...

the last 2 weeks...

2007-10-28T20:08:00.000+04:00

...have been pretty hectic for me. the em presentation that i had to do before eid was pretty much ok, but no understood cuz the same topic was done by other group n wen questions were asked no one answered
so anyways, eid was pretty borin n did nothin n it just passed by. on to the next week. well, i somehow crammed up the em portion which i still had no idea wat it was bout, n on monday first period, library, my friend comes up n tells me this is comin too! n i was like wat?! soon after my big shock the lights were switched off to show us the great expectations movie...so i was strainin my eyes n studyin as much as i could. well the test didn't go as i expected, n the results were horrible, i almost flunked but that has made me more determined into gettin better marks n takin e.m more seriously n start solvin pass papers.

then was the e.m quiz, for which me n rabia.b (11th grade) were the representatives for alpha house. unfortunately we got all the difficult questions, n the other team members also agreed, i mean just wth is hydroponics? hydro means water but ponics? wth is ponics? the other teams had acid rain, biodiversity, biodegradability...i mean except for biodiversity i knew all the other answers but hydroponics? so alpha came last with 24 points n beta came first with 64. sigma came second n gamma third. i was only in for the fun n knew that we were gonna lose, but our overconfident competitors (beta house) somewat pissed me off with their cockiness, n my partner had taken actualy taken this quiz personally n just wanted to make beta house lose for reasons that will not be disclosed. well since we badly lost, she began cryin n me being a real lameass wen it comes to comfortin ppl tried my best, to make her atleast smile for the pics...n even deepa (our house teacher) was unexpectedly kind towards us, well the quiz was pretty unjust.

then came the singin competition (best of the best!) so paked up n ready to go our own eng high skool for auditions. this would be the second for me comin to this skool, n it has been five years since my last visit, wen i participated for the inter skool elocution competition. well, i must say that the conditions backstage were pathetic, it was freakin hot no ac OR fan. pretty soon our skool were sent to a classroom, n the auditions for our skool were being held in the class next to us. there were 20 girls n 5 boys from our skool. well, i didn't get selected, meh i got nervous abit...the judge was pretty friendly, bald n most said he was gay umm no idea bout that. lotsa ppl were cryin, me? well i dun really care, just a competition not worth my tears. but it wasn't the same for my bus mate, i made her promise me that she wouldn't cry if she didn't get selected but she did so umm had to comfort her too. n suddenly after givin my audition, the class suddenly seemed so noisy that it gave me a headache! guys playin guitar at one corner, n sometimes chattin with some gitls, filipinos screamin n jumpin round, few paki ppl from my grade whom knew were tryin to form a friendship with another guy uhh...not interested so i was mostly hangin out alone, roamin round, wen the class became unbearable i went out, wen i felt too hot i went bak in. its pretty funny though that even though most ppl say that i m talented n crap like, it hasn't helped me acheive anything gr8...n other ppl who have just one talent but its really perfected enough to get them to actually acheive something know wat im sayin? i just got bunch of useless talents, i wouldn't mind havin only one talent in which i m best at...oh well cant do anythin bout the past.

as if i wasn't depressed enough on the last day of the week i got my em papers n well i almost flunked, so u can imagine my expression! at first i thought i flunked, but then i came to know bout the passin mark n knew that i was safe.
last week was litteraly the worst week ever

it seems like everyweek i m being dragged into somethin or the other, so lets see wat happens this week n i'll blog bout it by the end of this week, i already have 2 incidents that happend today but i m gonna blog later ain't i?

jerk things up...

2007-10-07T21:08:00.000+04:00

hmmm, well these days i m pretty much loaded with alotta work... although it might not seem like it peer pressure forced me into volunteerin for somethin my lazy self would never approve of. preparin a presentation within the weekend n presentin it the next day on stage! so i have to do 2 presentations one was today n the other is tomorow, yes after the weekly test (maths!!!) i dunno wat exactly is gonna happen but i do hope for the best. i was prety nervous today n did quite alotta umm... uhh n alotta grammatical mistakes while i spoke.
rite now my 24 year old is flyin a miniature helicopter in the room n the noise is pretty much equivalent to that of a vacuum cleaner. so its pretty annoyin...

today it was my class's turn do the duty durin the break time. but...i was runnin around tryin to find ms.kitty so we could have a rehersal before the main event but i had no idea where she was. so my friends took the obvious gues of sayin that she is the boys block, now as a student council member i should be against this stuff but this was an emergency so lets go, but as soon as we reached the buildin i started to have second thoughts, so few of my friends went ahead into library but then we end up gettin up nothin! so we came out n found out somethin else, somethin that happend an year ago...how nostalgic.

group of girls crowdin around somethin which seemed to be grabbin their attention, n slowly as if it was a visual signal, more n more ppl started swarmin the crowd. i saw soniya (the sis of the skool s*** who shares the same traits as her sis, not pretty but has the pride of a peacock!) n another female from 11th gr arguin, soon it pretty much heated up n turned into a cat fite, the president of my class was pretty worried n was shocked to see me just stand there n watch this. WELL I WAS ENJOYIN! (i dun care boout the position, i didn't ask for it, so y should i fulfill duties for stuff that i dun care bout!) so i laughed on her face, n told her that she was givin this lecture to the rong person the topic is always the same, some guy...sheesh this ppl really need to chill! if that guy had seen it through the window (durin breaktime)he would'have been laughin his @$$ off! lolz seriously the same thing happend last year, except for the fact it was a distant friend of mine, n soniya's sis, later soniya tagged along, but my friend well she actually works up on dumbbells n is pretty strong so u see she did put up quite a fight...n this was entertainment :D

rite now instead of studyin for tomorows test, presentation or completin my 2 week old hw, i m bloggin
signin off

randomness

2007-09-28T12:01:00.000+04:00

hmm. well skool seems to be goin normally... i m pretty much bored rite now. so i thought of participatin in the essay n singn competition...i m not sure whether i might get passed from the preliminary rounds but its worth a shot, (like the time i gave my cv for fun n became a dp head girl!) so who knows... rite now i have to decide wat to rite my paragraph on n as for singin heck i dun think i have a chance since its inter-skol (best of the best crap show) so i m pretty sure bout that but still it doesn't hurts to try.
then, i have been quite bugged these days from all the teasing i have gotten since i got a badge more than any of my other friends who got theirs...its been like a week, but it feels like an year. yesterday me n my bro had n instrumental duet jam, he played the guitar n i piked up my recorder which i haven't played for like 2 years now, surprisingly i remembered how to play most of the notes i learnt, although it was pretty hard to decide on a tune but it was fun.

today for some funny old story my dad (he was the culprit) was gettin rubbed on by my mom, n i found him starin at me... 'y r u lookin at me -_-'?' 'i was hopin u would support me' 'no i dun support ppl who r rong to begin with, i have my own values' he misinterpreted my value as in reputation (dunno how), while i meant value as in morals. n he went OHO! so now u value huh, i understand where thats comin from' i was like 'umm no wen i said 'values' i meant morals...' my dad is like 'whats moral?' -_-; forget it, i would be wasting my breath...another one of my dad's usual encounters.

just i m havin an urge to eat oranges....hmm. i wanna find new subjects to test my photography skills on (even though there are none). i jsut realized the real meanin of an artist! a person who creates somethin original rather than copyin! (well i knew that before but now i just saw livin example) most ppl in our skool think a person who can just draw well is an artist while that soo not true! i remember for the class poster i was havin such a head ache tryin to make all the ideas practical! there are ppl who can draw really well in my class, but they all just know how to copy n not create! :( ideas were presented to them but they couldn't create a final sketch. it was pretty annoyin to have such ppl to be refered to as artists...hmph. although i m one of them too...hehe i can only copy to but i do like to create stuff, n mostly wen i m able to well thats just pure luck

i have been frownin alot these days...dunno y. but i like to frown for some wierd unknown reason. n recently theres like this wierd epidemic runnin in my house, where everyone seems to be tappin their fingers on my head wenva i m sitin at the pc. O_O maybe cuz they know i get bugged by it so they do it. it doesn't matter whter i scold cuz they still do it, bunch persistant pesters in the house. i did wanted to to post a pic of my badge darn cant find the stupid wire of the cam! grr...

somehow i just haven't got used to teh the fact that i have to order ppl...ehh well my words were never given much of any importance (n i m sik of tryin) so its kinda wierd to order ppl round. my friends usually laugh just by the thought of me orderin them -_-' well thats wat u get from treatin elders n younger ppl equally, but i dun really care. ppl should listen to someone (big or small) if that person makes sense n has a logical reason. i still dun y i have to treat elders n young ppl differently, i have a common respect of decency for both, y should i treat someone special for no reason. i believe in equality! Respect is not a food that should be given just to satisfy a person's personal hunger of EGO! theres no such rule ritten anywhere! so then just y the hell do ppl keep formin such stupid neurotic rules!
if a person falls down i would help him/her regardless of whether they r big or small.

even though i have got a badge (which is supposed to be a big thing) i dun feel anythin, except for the fact that i have got more burden on my shoulders. then y does everon keeps tellin me that i should be proud of it? should i be proud of being a slave?! atleast maids n servant get paid for their effort, wat do i get? more complains n more whinings? sheesh its hopeless, i might as well try to create a difference here but know the chances are o.oooooooooooooooooooooooo1%. but i'll definitely try...although i have no idea where to start :S

i might try talkin to headmaster bout a bake sale or somethin outta which each grade of sections might try doin somethin profitable, create stands or sometin not carnval though but it could happen everyday durin break where ppl can sell home made cookies or somethin nice. each day a different grade. n the funds could be divided into three portions 25% for charity 25% for the skool (cuz they wont let u do this for free) n 50% is ur own profit. n the class with the most funds may get a prize! rather a stupid certificate of recognition but somethin new installed in the class to make it seem. it wont be impartial since the class has earned it. so how is it? makes me really wonder y didn't i take commerce... i might try askin ppl around n see their reaction n then gather a few of my council member friends to present the idea to the headmaster. i think its 1000 times better than alessa's lame prom idea so tell me wat u guys think

leadership

2007-09-19T14:06:00.000+04:00

its the aroma that is filling the atmosphere of the skool these days. Leadership. where one can stand ahead and make a statement n take responsibility risking their own shoulders to break

wat a bunch of crap! who gives a shit bout slaving ur butt off n get nothing in return if God can give us something in return for our worship then y cant these sucky ppl at skool give us some benefits for doing them favours, like giving discount on food or something or money this will definitely get the ppl motivated n there will be heavy competition for such posts! but as long there are students who are willing to slave their butts y should they even consider thinking of such an idea?

i already had too much burden on my unwanted shoulders, even though i m not in the art club i stil gotta do the artwork for class! y? cuz i m the only person who is good enough to draw, i mean seriously all the ppl who say they are good in art suk! they efing b***es in my class just needed a dummy on whom they can throw the responsibilty. amelita was cheerin me on until the end, she was the one who put me in this position in the first place. how the HELL CAN U MAKE A COMIC STRIP FOR A POSTER! u certainly cant draw stick figures, seriously these ppl need to think of stuff that is practical!

while this wasn't enough of a headache, i and some other students were called out for something, later we came to know it for school council, but we didn't really know wat our positions were. yesterday we wasted 2 periods in the auditorium, sitting n learnin 2 lines! (i still cant remember it though) n today too we wasted maths, chem n eng! this totally suks if this is wat its gonna be like being in skool council then i quit. me n my friends were talkin most of the time i found a guy in the skool council who was my class mate in grade 2, a sri lankan guy (he was lookin at me too at times) he was really annoying bak then seriously i just borrowed his pencil once without his permission n he was like i m gonna tell the teacher! i was like go ahead tell mam as if i care n then he goes like TEACHER!!! but even she didn't listen to him lolz that is the only memory i remember with him, then who else i spotted a few more but most of the time i was goofin round , n then they finally told us our positions, my friends were chosen for being the vice captain of alpha, beta n sigma, then deputy games captain. n as for me...gues who i was Deputy Head Girl, i was like

seriously i still cant believe it! most of my friends were like U! while doing this O_O n then like this cuz i m the laziest person alive in 10th grade, even my bus mate was like (shes in the class council though) i dun think i will be able to juggle this n studies, plus with the board exams, if it was last year then i would have been ok but not this year, i definitely cant skip any classes...

tomorow i'll be gettin my badge n its gonna be wierd, plus i need a white shirt which i dun have so if any of u guys can lend it to me just for tomorow it would be gr8!

The Walk of Shame

2007-09-12T19:56:00.000+04:00

so finally my sis decided to accompany me to take passport photographs in the school unifom! the fact theres is too much traffic on the road all the time it was quite an obvious choice that we had to walk, n the studio was like probably 1 or 2 mile (k wats the difference between metre n miles?) i dunno but it was a long way down the road...

so i had no choice but to walk with my sis in the evenin at 7, wearing full school uniform with tie button-closed, god n the stares!!!!!!!!!!!! GAAAAAAAAH THE FREAKING STARES! i felt like running to my house but had no choice but to keep walkin foward, guys from saloon looked outside, boys playing football stopped playing for a sec, n i think a guy from my bus also saw me, god this sukssssssssssssssssssssssssssss plus it was pretty hot . by the time we reached the studio it was closed for maintenince, n my luck was soo effed up!!!!

but luckily we did find a studio close by, ene the guys inside were staring, gaahh wen will this horrible trip end!!!

after we took the pics, i removed my tie immediately, n after i got outta the studio i let out a huge sigh of relief...i knew that i have faced the height of humility that anyone can face, so wateva i do shouldn't really shock ppl round me, n i frolicked n jumped with glee, by the time i reached my house i had already stretched my arms out n started singin i believe i can fly...hehe n i was laughin at myself wen i got home n thought bout all the crazy things i did

ps:- i thought of putting emoticons, so that ppl can really know wat my expressions were at that time

10th gr

2007-09-11T21:43:00.000+04:00

so a new term n a new gr has begun. well to be honest its pretty borin now since most of our teachers are strict n the absence of a special girl shall always be in our hearts (the rich girl :( ) that means no more treats, no more childish tag games in the class, no more duster fites, no more fart bombs, n certainly no more money for me! :(
but all the beginin of the grades r usually like this, boring. but then gets interesting later, i cant say that we might have the same fun as last year since we dun have such a lenient teacher who has a hawk eye for spottin out troubles. i mean seriously i cant believe shes gonna call our parents up just to verify that they have read n signed the circular O_o (seems like she has soo much of free time) anyways, i was hopin that physics would be taught by my old class teacher but she was designated to g5, which pretty much worse than ours, i mean we used to only pull out pranks in secret, but they openly insult n scream in the class -_- i really feel srry for her. plus its just i have to bring my maths n physics text every class!!! WTH i think my bones r soo gonna break this year.
the former-deepa-class was pretty happy n satisfied with their class teacher, since she doesn't really give a damn as to wat the class is doin n just teaches her subject. so from the students' point of veiw, its more like a bird that is given freedom.

well then lets see wat happens this year i hope i would be able to make some interestin memories this term.

ps:- i m really scared bout the board exams >_< !

home-made spa?

2007-08-27T23:01:00.000+04:00

today was just another boring day like any other with nothin to do. i was just checkin facebook in the afternoon wen my sis comes up with her face splattered with white lumpy paste, n a grin. i look at her wonderin wth did she put on her face, ^_- "i made a face scrub, i have enough to put on urs too" i looked at her n with huge grin said OK!~ ^_^.
it was really cold but soothin, i think it had cucumber, yoghurt n lemon n some other stuff. then she made somethin with mashed cucumber peels n rosewater, then dipped 2 tissues folded into a square, n placed them on my eye. it was soo much fun, hehe, n it felt really nice so cool n soothin then we layed on the bed for like 15 mins daydreamin bout somethin with our eyes closed. it was kinda hard washin the face scrub off, cuz it kinda dried n got stuck on my skin, n some of it was stuck along my hairline. so after the wash my sis put some orange juice, on my face n let it dry for about 5 mins n then i washed it off, my face kinda stinked like vomit so i washed it again with a mild soap (but damn my skin felt soft!). then sis my hairline was already sticky n i had to take a shower, my sis suggested to put mango n yoghurt mix on the hair i didn't mind since its not gonna do any harm, so i had that on left it for half an hour on my head n then washed it, it feels soft n silky ^^. n to think we have all the stuff in the house n yet we buy fancy shampoos n cosmetics just to improve our skin which instead of benefittin makes the condition usually worse.
i might also look up for some easy n quick face packs too! ^^
so today we had a home-made spa! lolz it was fun, maybe i should keep a party before graduation n do this stuff with my friends, that would be fun! :D

update

2007-08-14T19:56:00.001+04:00

hmm yes well, i was soo bored that i thought of changin the skin, light colours with a happy song! :)
so anyways i would just like to say happy independence day to all the pakis out there n also indians (since theirs is tomorow) i would also like to take this opportunity to say happy birthday to hanah! yay! enjoy ur sweet sixteen! :D
now that all the formalities are over, here are just 3 photos i took, they aren't my best though but wateva, the picture quality is a bit poor since i cropped n zoomed in a little. these are photos of a shower gel cap, its all goldish n has soft holes..really pretty :P

f-stops (focus)

this makes it seem that the bottle has its own eye or a camera fixed in it.

this pic has no photo-manipulation, except for the fact i just greyed the center a little. its called The Road to the Other World. (plus u can see my fingers too :P)

bored -_-

2007-07-31T18:16:00.000+04:00

god summer vacations are soooooooooooooooooo boring, n yet i m lamentin over the fact that theres only one month left for me returnin bak to a hellhole called tws! kind of a paradox isn't it?
this summer, i bought a graphics tablet ^_^ now i can draw freeeeeely! yay. then i won an i pod shuffle from modhesh, joined facebook, and uh, um started new series of the Office (nice comedy) and Laguna Beach, then i finished Veronica Mars. then wat else, hmm nothin much. rite now i m soo glad i m not in small classes anymore where once u come to skool u have to rite a paragraph or draw wat u did this summer! i wont have to lie anymore! ^_^

anyways, my thought for the day was n still is that fate brings the friendship of a person that u least expect, better yet think that it is impossible! n now it has happend with me twice. wen i was in elementry classes i used to play at the kiddie play area n luved :3 especially that wheel thing that u move, n goes in circles till u get dizy, i remember fallin from it cuz of this arab bastard who tried to remove my finger from the rail, i can still remember that sadistic wierd smile. anyways, so i used to play with this girl, who i thought would be older than me like in 3 or 4 years (i thought ok, dunno her real age). n guess wat, she was in my friend's class wen i was in gr8! O_o k so she failed, i know that. but that fact she still remembers me after all those years is even more absurd!
then there is this girl who joined last year, she was in this skool till 6 but left n joined again, she knew me cuz her little bro used to study with me (no idea who he is) n she still remembers n so does her bro. i have never talked to her before, nor do i remember who her bro could possibly be. n the fact that he still remembers my nature, he described me as ms.lady catherin dbourgh gah!!!! was i that proud to be smart! probably they were all just jealous cuz i was always the teachers' fav student :3 although that doesn't matters to me anymore, teacher likes me or not dun care. but the fact that u remember a person even though u have never talked to him/her in ur whole life is quite absurd. n then recently today, on facebook, this guy sent me n invitation for friendship, his name sounded vaguely familiar, n then it hit me that he was in my 2nd grade class, n how do i remember that, its cuz his voice was the most annoyin voice ever it sounded like parrot! seriously. n to think he remembers mOi? i wonder if my fourth gr crush remembers me? hmmm, probably not, he was just to darn cute must be havin tons of girls round him.

seriously sometimes the twist of fate can really bring shocks to me, just wen i start to forget my past, fate brings a tiny thread from my past n ties a knot, with a thread in my present. seriously i wish i would stop gettin wierd minor shocks all the time

کیا آپ اردو میں لکھنا چا ہینگے؟

2007-07-17T14:17:00.000+04:00

seriously this freakin hard to type
i just had this thought, that there are various languages u can type in straight away
then y not urdu? so i searched for like a million hours, i did found out how to but i couldn't do it in my pc, cuz my windows aint genuine. so i installed this software called unipad in which u can type in urdu شروع میں لکھنا کا فی مشکل تھا ۔

see, but i haven't install the right to left languages so it was a bit hard to rite but i did it!
but to be honest its easier to type in english
i wish we could rite in roman urdu n it would automatically convert it to urdu.

A Paki in an American Talent show

2007-07-04T14:23:00.000+04:00

so here i thought pakistan was worthless n has no originality at all amongst its ppl. well then not until i saw this video. This guy Kashif Memoon who is in his 20, livin in us for 6 years made his appearance on a reality tv show called America's Got Talent...so anyways this guy goes up the stage n says hes gonna show his talent through dancin on a bollywood song, why the hell a bollywood song!! AREN"T U A GODDAMN PAKI? but the lets face it pakistan never made anything that was worth to be dance upon or a movie. then they put this song Aik Pal Ka jeena from the movie Kaho Na Pyaar hai. N let me tell u somethin the guy had no originality all he did was copied the same steps from the song's video. n he dance badly too! i was more embarrased than ever but it wasn't the same for the judges, they were pretty much amused and the audience roaringly entertained. they said that the movements were most different than they had ever seen!
Come ON! my bro's wierd friend who has a dance group can do a better job in than him! the fact that he went up there to represent pakistan is quite brave but how he represented it really pisses me off!
for more details :-http://bznotes.wordpress.com/2007/06/22/kashif-memon-americas-got-talent/

then there is the famous show made by paris hilton called The Simple Life. Where she n her friend Nicole Riche crash from one home to another n live the simple life. So they once crash into this paki family, n both blonde headed females learnt to pray namaz, not that they would actually care but i feel that they would have probably been mockin it. so wen paris hilton was asked wat was the national religion of pakistan, n she had no idea, watch more of the episode down

seriously pakistan has enough shame to live up with n if these ppl r gonna mock even our culture, i m so gonna kill them...i cant believe the guy actually kissed i mean wow being in america means helluva freedom! O_o do that over here, n ur probably gonna get kicked outta the house

the awkwardness of seeing you outside/ Photgraphy 2

2007-06-24T09:19:00.000+04:00

so yesterday my whole family went out to gazeebo (classy indian restaurant) with my sis going- to-be-in-laws. as i entered, i saw the beautiful, richa and classy furniture. the dim lights created a moody effect and as i searched for the beauty in each n every place my eyes fell upon a table where my english teacher sat. yes i almost had a heart attack.

few days ago amelita called me up to ask whether i could come to school during the holiday, i politely refused, sayin that i couldn't n just wen i was brainstormin for an excuse, amelita started talkin herself n said it was ok. and bang i kept the phone down.

yesterday i saw her with her whole family sittin n havin a gala time, i somehow was lookin for another way through which i could go, but my sis pushed my consious n said that i should go n say hi. so since i had no choice, i went n said hi, the silence of her husband n eldest daughter showed me that they were freaked out. although ms.amelita didn't notice n as bubbly as ever said hi n her other daughter (who is a good friend of mine) got up to greet me. After all the greetings i went n sat in a corner of our table. after that the whole even went quite uneventful, my bro said that franklin was his physics teacher but he didn't say hi to him! i was abit angry, but wen i asked for an explaination, he said he taught me like 5 years ago he would have forgotten me by now plus he couldn't see since he was facing the wall, n we were walkin behind them. -_- i hate him. its really awkward for me to meet ppl in a formal manner, like meeting new guests or teachers or some crap like that. if its friends, u can scream out their name among 10 thousand ppl n u wont be ashamed but its a little different wen it comes to older ppl. i just feel soo queezy.

so next i was really bored a few days, so i took out the camera n started clickin some photos. my dad always freaks out, weneva i take photos of objects, n says wat r u doing? in reply i smile n just say photography. he laughs n walks off. i think i have improved a little from my previous pictures, cuz this time, i cleaned the stuff before i took their photos, cuz if wen u take pictures u'll see the dust particles coming in ur pics, i still had lots so i had to use photoshop, to make the colour balance, remove unwanted stuff n crap, took helluva time, but its done. so now wats ur job? to criticize or appreciate and tell me which ones should i put on deviant art. there are lots of pics of the same thing taken at different angles(eg:-pistachio) so u can tell me which one ur talkin bout using the subject name and adding a number in chronological order.(i dun even get wat i said!) eg:- pistachio-1 (but this is wat i mean)

These are some of the dry flowers in a vase

the potpurri or wateva its called, had some nice feather looking leaf

i really liked it so i picked it out, n kept it on the table n took a close up shot.

fake stuff aint that bad, ofcourse they aren't as gd as the original is.

i really like this shot the orange background contrastin with the green leaf making it stand out.

these are sort of marbles or small glass pebbles, u can buy them at ikea. anyways i like these cuz they look like brown glassy drops really cute :3

another one of these

and again

now this looks like a drop of oil,

these are the ropes that tie us together, wat crap! well my lamp is made of these ropes that goes in a cylindrical shape resting upon four steel roots. i used its lighting to take most of the pictures.

n this is taken horizontally

wen i'm too lazy to get up from the sofa u r always there for me to eat u.

wow lotsa them! although its not that very gr8 of a pic

pistachio

its the same pistachio but taken from another angle

i just found a vase in my living it is filled with sort of jelly preserving all these dry flowers, really cool. although i had to use alot of photoshop to remove the reflection i wish i had this lens link but then first i will need a slr to use it

i have no idea which plant it is, probably sea weed that is pretty wide, but wateva, really nice pic

i think this is supposed to be wheat

pretty flower dun u think?

the lemon law! (comes in this show called 'how i met ur mother')

the red parrot feather n thats it

Ignorant about their country!

2007-06-16T21:42:00.000+04:00

i would like to apologise in advance to all the indians if they are offended by my post, but its not about them. Just a wakeup call to all pakis.

so it hit me today that none of my friends listen to paki music except those paki artists who have gone off to india for publicity. Y is it that our own paki ppl dunno bout their paki music unless n until it has been released in an indian film! i feel very angry at the fact that all our artists have to leave pakistan n go to india for publicity. There is no music, forget music no media industry in pakistan. If you take a survey n ask all the paki ppl wat channels do they watch i m sure more than half would be watchin starplus... (i dun watch paki nor indian channels, n i'll justify myself later)
my friend oneday was listenin to my mp3 player and asked me in a shocked voice "wat is this? who are all these ppl? Junaid Jamshed , Hadiqa Kiani etc wat kinda songs do u listen to rabia?" i was very frustrated by the remark n replied "well unlike u atleast i m not ignorant about my country! I dun wanna slave my ears to those senseless indian junk" pakistan has lots of gr8 music the problem is no one knows bout it, thats cuz all the paki ppl are brainwashed by the indian channels. i agree that everyone listens to english music since that is the international language, but other than that ppl do listen to music of their own language.

i dun understand y? y do they watch it? i mean if compare the 2, the stories are almost the same, a woman who is married or is gonna get married n is having problems with life. the only thing is indians are more dramatic than pakis actors m actresses, maybe thats wat attracts the paki girls. then for guys, well there are indian stations here that promote indian music unlike pakistanis, then movies, yup most of the singles that are released by bands or famous artists are promoted by movies. unforunately, i have never even heard of paki film in my life except for maulajutt (old punjabi movie) which my bro coincidently found on net n downloaded it. We then sat watched n laughed at the poor direction n funny story n charectors n mostly cuz they screamed so loud! but even if u compare it with the movies made i can assure u that u will see no difference, y? film quality bad as before, u can see the slight white noise on the screen n scratches. i doubt the fact that cinemas play the dvd versions since i know that they dun even make one. then the sound, very sharp n unclear like an old radio. direction n storyline is poor, ugly ppl, women that need to go on a diet are put on screen as heroines, dancing is more like mad ppl runnin round the garden, further more, y do the director's allow stuff thats not even part of our culture etc. n The main thing, the music suks, the quality is just soo bad that its as if the song is being played from an old cassette.

so basically the media industry in pakistan is stil the same where it probably 20 years ago. n Y is that? well this could be taken as a main national issue in pakistan which is education. yes ppl have idea as to wat is wat, they have no exposure. most of them are very close minded n half of them are posers who try to act cool, wen they are actually braindead. no one appreciates n knows a true sense about anything. their lives sound like a joke, there are no universities that could provide anythin in media or music. Girls love to be doctors and guys love to be engineers thats the basic thing that is stuck in all the south asian parents. And those who do go abroad to study dont want to come back, y, well thats pretty obvious better pay, safety, n better place for settle in with more educated ppl. So y would a person sacrifice his perfect life just to make effort that would just go futile. i wouldn't, i cant say i m patriotic enough.

All this problems could be solved with better strategic plans applied that could minimize these problems over a period of time. But wat can i say, i read it somewhere on net that pakistan maybe smaller than india but it is more corrupted than it and to begin with it u can take our goverment for example. its filled up with selfish money absorbing politicians, all of them with corrupted minds, deceived by soo many of them that the ppl dun even know who to trust anymore. This is our goverment. This is Pakistan.

In the end, music is just one problem that could be used to show pakistan's development. like my friend Sabiha says "Hindi ho ya Urdu, do no aik hi jaisay to phir kya farak padh ta hai?"
"Who cares if its Hindi or Urdu, they are both similar n we can understand it. wat difference does it make?" again i say...

ignorance

Engagement

2007-06-12T12:07:00.000+04:00

well yesterday was a pretty hectic day for us (especially for me since i woke up at 8 am n got to sleep at 2:30am)
yesterday was totally chaotic, the house was totally upside down everyone runnin to the bathrooms n here n there... i wanted to take my braces out today (its high time i did!) but wen i went to the dentist(in the afternoon) we were an hour early, n my bro wasn't willin to wait nor to come again.
so we went home sadly, n as we stepped outta the elevator, i saw the elevator opposite to ours closin infront, in which my 2 sis were there n one them called out my name, wel its cuz they were goin to the salon, she called my bro to tell that she was waitin for me at the entrance of our buildin n blah blah, so i went got my hair fixed. since my hair is cut in layers, she gave me curls that were flyin outwards, n so my hair had lotsa volume! with the house in a mess, n our faces painted with makeup, we finally left our house

the place was quit extravagent n classy, there were warm lights everywhere yet the chill from the ac completely froze us...brrr. so we sat, and we sat and we sat. we had a little chit chat with our 2nd cousins (cousins from our dad's sides our really old, n so their children are our age) but other than that it was pretty borin, i was anxious to see my sis n how she would look!! then the groom n his party arrived, his tie matched my sister's dress (pale pink) n later she arrived but wasn't sent directly to the main hall, course not she has to make a grand entrance! lolzzz she arrived with my eldest bro, so as soon as he stepped in the hall we knew that she had arrived. we asked her where she was n went to see her, she looked sooooooooo pretty, almost as if she had come to a weddin! but with less makeup n jewellry. so she did a little photoshoot. then with all the bros infront, the bride in centre n sisters at the back (i think the sis should be in th front cuz we r smaller than guys!!) the camera man lit the bride's parade as the walked in slowly.
after that it was pretty boring, she went n sat on the chair with the groom. n then we sat n sat. later we took some photos, they exchanged rings, received lotsa gifts n blessings from relatives. n the most wierd part of the engagment now comes, there was a weddin cake!? i mean wth there already had been alotta drama n now this lemme remind u this is not a weddin but an engagement. so the weddin cake was exactly like u see on tv but instead of a knife they had to cut with this huge sword thing, which makes this whole scene all the more absurd. well, they somehow had cut the cake. n later the stupid waiters got orange juices, n the stupid camera director guy was tellin my sis, to make the guy sip from her drink she from his. n my sis was like =.= n i was like O_o, but they didn't do it since my sis was already abit freaked out by the wierd wedin style poses she had to make with the photographer. we ate food, after which ppl started to leave, n the cake was served after half the ppl had left, i tried the caked n it tasted of the flavour i detest the most, vanilla. the cake peice was piled with vanilla cream, with very little cake in it. i ate the cake n not the cream. we again took some pics. watched strangers as the bid their goodbyes to my parents n the other party.
i was really mad at my other sis, everyday stinkin day even durin my exams she used to talk constantly bout her professors n wat happend n crap! now today wen i needed it the most as so i wouldn't get bored, she sat there beside me stiff as a board. wen asked for the reason she replied, that the university was over n she has no new stories to tell (i would have gladly listen to the old ones too)
so we left our house at 8pm to the hotel, n came back home at 2 am. i was sooooooo sleepy my sis (erum, who got engaged) walked into the building with her sandles in her hand, her feet must be really achin from that 3 inch heel. we girls never wore thin or fat based heels, so it was quite uncomfortable. today mornin i just looked at the amount of gifts she received n i got pretty jealous. so my sis was gonna get thrown outta the house, n yesterday it was made official. i m gonna miss her wen she leaves her bossiness n cynical personality irritated me everyday, but then its hard to say goodbye to someone u have known all ur life. (i have a pic of her holdin me wen i must 1 yr old, i had really chubby cheeks with small hair that had natural spikes comin outta my head)
since it was the first time my family had to organize a party or somethin, it was quite a bit of mess, but now i m sure my mom is gonna get pretty expert in the comin years.
oh btw, the guy has a pretty cool personality, he is cool minded, often jokes around n is free n friendly unlike most of the adults u find out here who are soo conservative. n my other sis hadn't met the guy until today, n that too he came searchin to her due to his curiosity, i felt really bad n sorry that my sis was so freakin shy. phew so glad all this crap is over, i wonder how its gonna be on the weddin...i dun wanna think bout it.

holidays!!!

2007-06-07T14:28:00.000+04:00

yay so school is over...n i have no plan watsoever of going out with my friends today cuz my mum n my sis have ganged up on me in n not lettin me go so there
anyways...today is just so different! i dunno i dun feel relieved as i should be instead it just seems...ok
i dunno its kinda wierd but i have stopped lookin foward to holidays maybe cuz my brain has finally realized after 9 years that there is nothin special that happens durin holidays for me! yah pretty slow, i know... i feel odd not feelin that motivation anymore, ppl mite call me wierd but its true, well i just wanted the exams to get over but school hmmm...
well, speakin of school since i m in the press council ms amelita has requested us if we could come durin the holidays just for a few days so that we could complete a presentation... i like to rite sometimes, but to be honest i dun feel like comin to school durin holidays...omg the irony i m seriously cracked up!
but come on i would rather prefer picking up dishes than goin to school n gettin bored with no friend to actually talk to. i gave amelita my house no, n now wen i m home i told my sis bout it she says that i should go since i will get bored in the house....O_o no way
if amelita calls up i will tell her that my family is goin abroad for vacation so there! but if someone else picks up....hmm i'd rather not think bout it, but then theres also a chance that no one mite pik up her phone since we are too lazy to get up n get the cordless (n its even worse wen they are not charged) probability, worst chapter in maths or so says my bro

so gr 9 is officially over, n onto gr 10
i still cant believe i m gonna give a board exam next, i'm so BIG! :D
i still feel that i m in gr 6 or gr 7! (well actually they have started fakin being big n stuff so i dun really know if i should say gr 6 or 7)

happy summer holidays!

oh btw my sis is gettin engaged this upcoming week! so loooooooads of shoppin has to be done n the house is a mess... her going-to-be fiance is ugly, charcoal black and has a deep scary voice. that is all i could make out wen i met him for the first time. wen i was told that he was the ONE, i was quite shocked (litteraly had a heartattack) i mean my sis is fair(pale), very slim n good lookin then y? his personality mite be good...i dunno

but i have noticed lately that most of the paki couples i see outside the guys are usually dark n ugly, n the women r pretty...that is just so wierd! GUYS STOP GOING OUT ALOT N SPEND SOME TIME IN THE HOUSE WATCHIN TV! (do a little girly stuff so u can make urself a little admirable, n girly stuff as in being not "gay" but havin a litle interest in the latest fashion)

Dare for more?

2007-05-17T16:02:00.000+04:00

"i dare you to..."

thw went smoothely with revisions going on for the upcoming exams. the last period was p.e n for some reason our p.e teacher wasn't taking any of the classes to the ground. so we decided to go at the back n sit n chat. wen the idea of truth n dare suddenly came up. that sounded like fun although there would be more dares than truth. first was my turn, i chose dare...n i was dared to kiss on a girl's cheek, umm the fact the i m disgusted by ppl kissin on cheek wen they greet, should be enough to tell u that i refused to do such a lame thing. then i was told to remove our p.e teacher's clip from the bak which i again refused since i definitely didn't wanted to get into trouble therefore i was outta the game. i then made some rules so tat we wouldn't disgust ourselves nor get into alotta trouble:- no guys, no kissin or crappy stuff, teachers wont be involved, no doin cheap stuff, no doin anything that would get u into trouble.

we these rules it was kinda hard to think of something bold n daring since i know wat they were all thinkin before. but we did come up with some pretty neat stuff, actually i did. well, after me it was sabiha's turn n since she likes to put baby powder to make herself fair, i decided that she should put so much that even a white guy get scared of her! second was abeer.k she was supposed to act like a little girl, so we made the straps of her bag short, so that the bag wouldn't be haggin on her back. then she was supposed to put hair in order n suk her thumb lolz. then came sadia's turn, it was kinda hard to decide wat dare to give. but then we decided that she should where a scarf n pull her pants up n be all mummydaddy girl. this was all supposed to take place in bus area.

sadia made an excuse that she had to go the bus area n so did sabiha. but we knew this wasn't the truth. so we forced them to stay, although sadia did ran away we got hold of sabiha. she tried to avoid the dare by sayin that sadia had the powder but humeira got nailed her by sayin that she had one in her bag too! so took it out n started puttin all over her face. a teacher (ms cheryl i guess) watched us we were puttin on her the powder, she came to rescue sabiha but wen we explained the situation she quickly backed off n enjoyed the show. although sabiha wasn't completely white as i had imagined she did looked good enough. abeer buttoned up her shirt, made her hair straight n we walked into the bus area giggling our asses (course not sabiha)

as we entered the bus area, abeer started her actin n suked her thumb (powder thumb? :S) n sabiha walked on the road of shame. in the distance we saw some guys laughin off, sabiha became really consious of her looks n immediately began rubbing off the powder from her face, zeenat (her good friend) came to the rescue n prevented us from forcing sabiha to put more. n so it seems like our truth n dare game finished....not yet. abeer unbuttoned her shirt, made the straps long n stalked sabiha sayin "mummy!" (although her voice sounded more like duck than a child's) sabiha was gettin abit annoyed n we made the fun outta it. suddenly sadia popped in from nowhere, n we took out the scarf from humeira's bag (seems like she saw the truth n dare comin n prepared for it.) sadia began runnin away from us but we did have her atleast for a while wearin the scarf (that too not properly) she ran away outta sight leavin us three exhausted under the burnin heat of the sun. finally we realized that the gruond was almost empty n we quickly waved off our goodbyes n scurried bak to our buses.

Food Fight in the Dark!

2007-05-17T15:47:00.000+04:00

"uncle! we gave YOU 30dhS!!!"

it was like any other day, except for the fact that the birthday girl was treating us even though she didn't wanted to come down at the canteen area. We had just come out of the library n luckily it was just the end of the 4th period. we ran towards the canteen to buy some stuff to eat. we gave the guy 30dhs, to buy 5 burgers n 2 hotdogs n 6 juices, but wen we got the food he was denying to give the juices since there was no money left! we were fightin for quite a while. i told my friend that maybe she didn't count properly, but she said she counted twice before giving the money. we knew that the teachers wouldn't listen n talk us out of it, so i suggested that we should go to the headmaster, we were hesitant at first since it was a big step to blame the school personnel but we knew that we were rite n injustice in our school is intolerable! wen we entered we saw him having a meeting with woman (probably a teacher) but then unlike wat we expected he was willin to listen to us, we told him bout the complaint. he told us to get a teacher so he could speak to her. fortunately we found our chemistry who was quite gullible enough to do this. she did the fighting for us awhile but it all went in vain. she told that she would look into the matter after the break is over. After the break, we had english. n all of us(6 ppl, me abeer.k humeira sabiha n sadia) were called to the supervisor's room. she listened to us n told the teacher to tell those guys (who were actually conductors) to recount at the end of the day. n if there is some extra money then that would belong to these girls.

school lights went out 5 mins after we bak to the class, this day was startin to get pretty hectic. as soon as the lights went out there was an awkward silence...i tried to break the silence by say "k now this is wierd" later electricity got bak on. first the ac n the fans switched on, then came the lights.

GoOeY

2007-05-13T19:20:00.000+04:00

"its black and slimy..." "yuck!!!!"

so today was just another boring sunday at school until wen i entered the class n there was this wierd smell of vomit clinging in the air...gah
then i came to know bout the tragic story of a classmate whose dress was stinkin like hell cuz some kid in her bad vomited on her (i always wanted to do that!)
after hearing, i went bak at my seat (bak of the class) n started listenin some music from my friends mp3 player, we were sharing earphones so it wasnt very easy to savour the music up to the best, wen i heard the most shrilling scream, and my friend ran from a bunch of friends laughin n someone threw somethin black at her
i later came to know that it was a black goo that u can buy from any freak shop available in all the citycenters. yah i remember my bro bought it a loooong time ago, it was slimy green in colour n his glowed in the dark which was quite cool. but this one was black, i really liked the feel of it, moist n sticky but it felt like jelly but more thick n flexible in ur hand. with my description i m sure u can make it out for how loong i played with it under my desk.
a friend of mine bought it to school to give it to her cousin her biggest mistake was that she let everyone see. ms siby our class saw sadia (friend) screamin as someone threw the goo at her. n the questioning began. but siby was easily fooled by illusions. she told us to throw it in the dust bin n we just pretended to throw n later kept it bak.
2nd period, off to the em class. wen i was sittin nicely, leanin against the wall i watched my friend enter the class room. but she noticed somethin on the floor, on a closer look someone had thrown the goo on the floor n it stood out n looked very prominent. my friend laughed it off n started to wonder who threw it down there as it was quite dangerous to let it be out in the open. as she was about to enter the class room a teacher saw her n called her for questionin. she told her the truth, that she didn't know where it came from or who threw it. mr micheal already got pissed as he felt that he was gonna be held responsible for no reason. chill dude...

after much further investigation n enquiry made by the trouble causing teacher. she knew who bought it to school n found the girl the main root of the problem. the crime commiter was however still unidentified. i was even bought for question to find out who did it? but sittin at the back of the class who would even strain their eyes to see wats goin on in the borin corridors. in short, i had no idea.

the poor girl was in tears wen i saw her outside, it wasn't her fault but the exposure of such kinda thing was quite dangerous too. n there 9 G1 does it again. she got a warnin letter (2nd one i think). Ms siby lectured us off by sayin how betrayed she felt by the class n that it took advantage of her. the first part sounds cheesy but i do agree with the second point. she changed some of the seats of the girls, (thnk god not mine! i luv my bak seat!) i tried to avoid as much of visual contact as possible. the day went on smoothely until the last period wen there was a commotion goin on at the bak of the class, a few girls on whom the suspicion went n were used as witnesses were quite indignant by the attitude of our head of section. they felt that she was extremely rude to a few particular girls n at a point screamin at them. i just caught a glimpse of such activity at the end of break time wen my friend (who found the goo on the floor) told me to testify for her that she did not do anythin, n her friend whose also a good friend of mine n a classmate tagged along to support. but maybe she did not have a gr8 record with ms mary, n was blown out of the conversation by mary's extensive rudeness. our conversation didn't last long as i was told to rite down on a paper watever i saw...
whose gonna take the pain of doin that, certainly not me.

she was outta the trouble since she was innocent. but lemme tell u this is the first time in my life that my class has caused soo much trouble n i thought 9-G4 (the rich-bitches class) were the one that caused trouble.

2 fart bombs n a gooey incident not bad for a class record or to say memories.

a week ended with blast (part 1)

2007-05-03T16:54:00.000+04:00

Mish u r going to get 1 too!

hmm it was a pretty boring week with nothin happenin until today well lemme just say that alot happend today to begin with n this is part 1 of it...

our bus was late than the usual timings. The arabic teacher's mind was abit screwed up today n she kept lookin at me and taunting me with her so-called english! (which i clearly dun understand) anyways so she just came to our class saw us studyin english literature n got pissed. We were gonna have a test! n we needed revision this is no time for ur stupid EGO issues to take into action!!! so she came screamed the hell outta her chest n then threatened us that whoever tried to keep a book under their desk was gonna get a warnin letter and that she had already given the names of 4 girls! n suddenly looked at me O_O "u understand, rabia?" "yes..." i said slippin my book into my desk... well soo much for gettin good marks.
another girl made a joke outta it n she got so pissed, "Amish i m goin start with u bas khalas! no respect teacher keda u will get one of this" that girl just laughed it off. for a moment i was like "r u serious?" O_-. but then she did send a girl to get her an envelope (i think they were supposed to contain the letters) but then i dun think anythin happend. then she asked us to do our worksheets which was supposedly to be our revision. i had no idea how to do it. so i started to study n kept my book under the desk guess wat? her gaze fell rite on me. "Rabia! put the book bak! bas u want one?" " no maam" ^^; i said feelin the insane ideas that could become real any second if i dun coorporate. then i had no idea how to do the worksheets since i didn't study! i mean hell i have better suggestion y dun i actually study for a test that will give me MARKS! anyways i was lookin around "Rabia! do ur workshet!" "but miss i dunno!" "yah not studyin how u know?" grrr now shes gettin me annoyed! i took someones text book kept it under my table n started to copy... "Rabia! cheatin? walla keep the book bak" "%#$%%(#(^*#*(^#^^*(" i gave the book bak...'oh btw u know the girl infront of me is cheatin with her book ON THE TABLE! maybe just for difference u should notice SOMEONE ELSE' thats wat i felt like tellin her. i started to get bored so i started talkin with my partner, "Rabia y talk?" GAAAAAH JUST WTH IS THIS WOMAN"S PROBLEM! i just looked at her n with heavy sigh rested my head on my arms. sheesh wth does she want from me?
"bas come n give me ur's n her's (my partner)worksheet" so i took hers n mine n went to her.
"Mish ur going to get 1 too!"

bitCh...

***

discovered by yet another teacher

our islamic teacher decided that today could not be a better day to give us a revision TEST! but somehow i managed it...
then came the test, it was ok, it was quite lucky for me that most of the questions that came were discussed between me n my partner (feel bad for the class) while doin our secret revision, as soon as she received her test paper she was really happy n looked at me n whispered "wow these are all exactly the same questions that we discussed!" (btw she was sittin at one corner of the room n i was on the other) while i was kinda glad too, until mamta (not my english teacher) came for invigilation...this is gonna be bad

the last thing i want now is get unwanted attention which i was glad i didn't since she didn't recognize who i was but she soon did. as i gave her my paper as soon as checked n revised it, she took it looked at it, then looked at me, then looked bak at the paper n started readin its contents.

that was pretty obvious, after she must have read my name. Rabia Ihsan. Apparently, she has taught my siblings n was very familiar with the surname "Ihsan" (i dunno sounds like some royalty name to me, which i really dun deserve it). 4 years ago she taught my sister, n probably my bros before that. n so she even knows my dad. how i hate havin super genius siblings that studied from the school leavin u stuck here in the middle, to keep up their dignity. Yup it has happend with alootttttttttta teachers, n i m just tired of fulfilling everyones expectations.

i dun think my english was extraordinary or exceptional, it was just good enough for a 9th grader. N i dun want her to have any expectations from me watsoever. but i guess it cant be helped...discovered by yet another teacher
i would have to wait n see later, as to wats gonna happend

gah i hate this! if i step a little outta the line everyone will be so displeased as i m the "Ihsan" daughter! n i must uphold the pride, dignity and nerdiness of this family!

i wish i could change my name to rabia somethin or beter yet change my first name too since there are soo many rabia's ppl usually get confused. maybe to Ghazal Ahsen or somethin but not RABIA IHSAN! aaaaaaaaaaaaaah

ps: dun tell me how proud i should be of inheriting this family name. trust u wouldn't want Darcy as ur friend!

shocking isn't it? lets record the moment!

2007-04-08T20:03:00.001+04:00

nowadays i have been just blogging bout random things!
but this is just so wierd i have been getting electric shocks now n then!

day before yesterday, i tried to take out my bros pda from charging n i got this wierd vibrating sensation in my finger

yesterday, i was going to warm up some food, n the stupid microwave wasn't working even though it was pluged to the socket n the button was on. i was even stupider, i tried to move the wire alittle n again felt the vibrating sensation in my middle finger

today i was charging the battery of the movie camera n again got a shock!

seriously something really is going on or i m just being really careless n gettin shocks for no reason...
n the most wierd part is i liked gettin shocked, i mean it was nice n vibrating like a quick massage or something, i have gone really nuts now
----------------------------------------------
recently i now have an obsession with making movies! i dunno y i just want to, so thats y today i turned the house upside down searching for the charger for my video camera...its like almost 7 or 8 years old, so it doesn't have the usb technology and so all the movies are recorded on a small tape which then can be put inside a special video cassette n then only it can be played in the VCR. Gah long process isn't it, the prob is that its big n heavy n my hand gets tired by lifting the weight of it.

we dun even need a new v.cam cuz the camera already has the feature, but u cannot focus on an object or zoom while recording. after all its just a normal camera for taking pics n not for making pro videos

i just checked wat the camera for makin videos is called, the pro ones which r used to make films are HDV (no idea bout the full form) n the normal pro ones which can be used by media students are called mini DV.

For almost half an hour i was sitting in my living room, making videos of my mom trying to focus n doing wat all crap. the prob is i cant record, since it would be a waste, nor can i transfer to the pc n see where i can improve

hehe my obsession changes from one thing to another lolz :P

Visual DNA

2007-04-08T16:37:00.000+04:00

took it from floo!

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

a week of bliss?

2007-04-07T00:31:00.000+04:00

well, then i have saved up my money to 2000dhs i still need 500dhs more to buy the camera
but...

to hell with it, i mean i can fullfil my other desires by this amount of money rite?
so this week i bought a new mp3 player whose battery lasts longer than that stupid old mp3 player. its sony's walkman, i bought it for 349Dhs 1gig space, the colour is noir (black). i was first thinking bout buyin the one with noise cancellation but then it was much more expensive so i was like this is just fine!
so anyways, wen we bought the player home i blew up the internal software by formating the player using the computer n the manual said NOT to do it, well i dun usually read manuals n this had been a valuable lesson for me, but the solution was given too! wen we tried that it still didn't work then that means this one is a defected piece or i just screwed it up soo bad that it stopped working, good thing i kept the receipt with me (usually i throw it away). so we changed it n then i got a new one! so maybe i might get my braces off this week phew! maybe i might get a new hard disk(whose capacity is 9X that of the current one i am using), and maybe i might get a tablet...

there are lotss of maybes, yah its me ranting again
hmm...but then it seems i have fullfilled most of my wishes...jeez i might now have to make a new wishlist! as for the camera well i could somehow persuade that girl to give me her h.w occasionally. or i could wait for the igsce exams n get gr8 marks n voila! but thats too loong
gah i m so greedy!

a subconsious fear?

2007-04-02T17:42:00.000+04:00

k i have noticed this allooooot of times!
that i can never draw good on a blank paper n i m amazing when i draw in my text books!
just what the heck is that all bout?
if u notice (which u cant cuz u haven't seen my text books) i draw good in my photocopied text books, for example in my english text book i drew this portrait of a guy on which we did a character sketch for me it would mean both ways personally and physically hehe
then again, last year i used to draw on my photocopied social text books, arabic txt book n now on my pass papers too (its a pic of this really cute girl :3 with anime eyes n hair but the rest is all of natural person that is her lips n nose)

then there is one more thing i have heard alot of ppl said to me
that ppl who have long finger draw well, (n that i have long fingers n my bro too O_o)
then those who can curve their toes r good in dancin
umm i dunno if these things are actually true

school carnival

2007-03-21T21:54:00.000+04:00

umm, i know its kinda late to be posting bout the razmatazz...
but anyways i was just browsing through google n stumbled upon a video of the philipino dance!
yup i just wanted to share the link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wuq0-MHiojU

hmm...where do i belong?

2007-03-18T20:04:00.000+04:00

"i have often seen you walking alone," 'maybe because i am still lonely...'

it brought me into thinkin that i am the most odd person in my group!
too good to be with the bad, and too bad to be with the good
just where the heck do i belong?! is there an average group out there?
someone who is a brainiack like me and also has a social life
bleh...who am i arguin with? myself? gah, i hate this.
the studious ppl in my class have misunderstood me into thinkin that i have become naughty n disruptive
n the naughty ppl think that i m ok but sometimes becuz of my big brain i dun belong there

n the normal ppl? well they just are damn too borin to be noticed
gah its a stupid topice anyways!
but i was quite surprised to see that ms.amelita noticed, it was like we just bumped into each other in the break, i was goin to the field to meet my other group of friends. wen i saw, n she said that she had often seen me walkin alone.
'maybe because i am still lonely...' i thought.
but i quickly replied bak to her sayin that i was goin to meet my friends, then i asked why her daughter was absent (cuz shes a friend of mine), turns out it was for studies. we could barely talk for 3 mins, i just didn't know wat to talk about!

i went to my friends, they were talkin bout some guys, y am i not surprised?
n then my friend tells me everybody is talkin bout guys here seems like ur the odd one over here...n ur point is...? odd one out? wen i hear that, i immediately felt ironic bout it, i cant relate it with anythin but i dunno. so like here i m rantin off, not for pity but to clear off my head!

Desire

2007-03-08T19:50:00.000+04:00

hmm, i didn't know if i should post this poem on twschat. so i'll post it here since i m the boss over here! :D

Desire

What is this feeling i can't explain

is it love, fear or just me in plain?

a desire for something forbidden

and this time my lust is bitten

and yet again i tear this heart

from the core till it parts

i keep a bould on my chest

to defy the urge to open this crest

testing my will again and again

one day this fight will go in vain

on that day i shall cry in pain

as guilt washes over my sins

a poison stung with 1000s of pins

i'll flee away from the pointing fingers

but how can i run away from my own mirror?

the secret is kept somwhere in the past

the destiny in future as long as i last

a battle between my soul and body has begun today

until one of us dies and rots away...

The 2nd Blow

2007-03-06T19:36:00.000+04:00

"put it under his chair!" "no way! i m not takin a risk like that!"

well well n here 9g1 does it yet again...
the fart blast!
lolzz this time it was the E.M (environmental management) class. today we had a combined class in an optional room watchin bout somethin which i clearly have no idea about. Poor mr.alexander... that guy really has to suffer alot due to mr.micheal slackin around in his class. So anyways, as usual all the naughty girls were at the back (includin me but i was just busy drawin most of the time) a friend of mine was sittin beside me n got up just for a few mins, mr.micheal seein the chair empty, grabbed the opportunity of sittin on the seat...he was soo annoyin
that girl ofcourse was pissed but didn't say anythin. micheal was irritatin me by tellin me constantly to pay attention, n plannin up presentations that is never goin to happen...let me just draw! i m not disturbin anyone!!!! aggh
n suddenly i remembered, my friend told me to keep a fart bomb in my bag...i was kinda scared that it would explode in my bag but its a tough nut to crack
my friend who told me to do so was sittin down on the floor with a tatoo being drawn on her arm. i whispered into her ear whether we were gonna do this or not?
she consulted her friends n they said "put it under his chair!" i looked at him, engrossed in the presentation... "no way! i m not takin a risk like that!"
so they told me to hand over it to them...

the period went smoothly, mr.micheal got scolded by mr.alex for talkin at the bak hehe n then in the end it happend...
as the students were gettin outta the class I saw them with it... i tried to get out as soon as possible as i was gettin out i heard a somethin *pop* mr.lex was like "wat was that?" but we were all laughin so hard that we didn't bother to answer him n just ran outa the class! i laughed till my stomache ached, but after 5 mins i was equally worried bout the consequences, since i knew that it had happend before n our class would fall under suspicion immediately!

it was not long till, 2 girls from E.M class came n took 2 of my friends, one who exploded n the other who told me to keep it in my bag,
those 2 girls were from 9g4 n were quite pissed since they were being accused of somethin they hadn't done, i was really worried n scared...because if they ask me some questions, i wont be able to lie. oh yah this could be one of the wierd habit that i inherited from my mom who never tells lies even if u ask her too. as for me i know i m not gd at liein n can get caught in a sec, so i usually tell the truth n go on with the consequences...

they did not call my name, i was a little relieved cuz if i was there things would get more complicated than they already were. my friends couldn't decide who to blame it on...the girl who bought it to skool (not me someone else) clearly stated that her name should not be said under any circumstances so she was outta the questions, n they would never blame on their friends...

finally, the girl who had exploded was given a warnin letter (i think) n thats the end of that.

ps:- we were thinkin of burstin the bomb in ms.mary's room, the only thing was we didn't know how...

Wierd me?

2007-02-26T21:29:00.000+04:00

k since i got tagged by Pam for this stupid thing i now have somethin to rite bout!

10 wierd habits or stuff bout me

1) i m usually unnoticable among my group of friends n usually daydreamin while walkin with my friends...n the worst part is i have no idea where these random things are gettin in my brain! n i just cant remember them after a while

2) a poor memory, i can easily forget wateva u tell after 5 mins, my sis is quite confused as to how i give my exams, i dun mug up un less i really have to (eg:-arabic)

3)i have been in this skool for like 7 yrs, n i hardly know any ppl! i just know ppl who are in 9th since they are my old friends, but as for other grades nope, n i dunno any guys either, i dun even remember the ones that i studied with (well duh that was like 5 years n with an amnesia like mine forget it)

4)i really dunno how to start a conversation with a person, u can see me sittin beside my best friend n barely chattin for 10 mins durin the whole period

5)my friends sometimes learn a lesson from their mistakes, when i had known the same lesson from a long time without havin to suffer...is that even wierd? no thats just common sense

6)break time is never enough for me to finish my lunch, i know i m really slow n my friends make fun of me sometimes.

7)i can have mood swings rite in the middle of the class, n usually my mood swings r not soo gd, i remember i said somethin really bad to mr.micheal just cuz of my mood swing n really hurt him more of shocked to find such a goody-goody girl from a goody-goody background to say stuff like that...i did apologized later

8) no taste in romance...i hate sweet talk, i would really kick a person if he called me 'his baby' my dad even does not says such lame stuff!

9)i still watch powerpuff girls, but my hours of watchin cartonnetwork has greatly decreased since last year...but even now i still watch cartoons not on tv but on my computer

10)dun really care bout my future fate is gonna decide that, my present is really borin n i really want a BANG in my life or go on an adventure! my past is quite nostalgic n boring...so i m just living my life aimlessly but someday i m gonna get cracked n i will do somethin really crazy which will make me regret alot...i m already startin to have plans for sprayin graffiti on the the school walls outside n blamin it on boys! (these are one those random thoughts that i have) muahahaha...i really wish it was somehow possible

i guess that might be all but i might be doin some more wierd stuff which i really dun remember rite now...

my template!!!

2007-02-24T21:20:00.000+04:00

waaaaaaaaaaah!
wth just happend!?
all the stupid images gone!
hmm i thought i would re-upload them n scream at the designer of this template for suddenly vanishin all the images!!
but then who cares! i m too lazy too reupload them all somewhere around 20-25 images...
i think it would be better if i just put a new template

BUTT OUT!

2007-02-21T20:39:00.000+04:00

"so?"
"wat do u mean by "SO"?!"

dun u all ever wonder how to tell a person to "mind your own business" without makin them feel that ur being disrespectful towards them?
i do

just for the record i m not gd with words just a straight foward person...but i guess that straight fowardness can hurt ppl especially adults who r really close minded or anyone who is over sensitive n can not take no for an answer.

see i had a fite with a person, who is always critical n pokey bout everythin i do (no, its not my mom) which really ticks me off, one time ok, second time ok, all the time NOT ok...
nyways that person was givin me an unwanted-advice on somethin, n i just said "so?"
that person got all pissed, thought that i was disrespectful n ungrateful...
ungrateful for wat? i didn't ask for ur ~~lame~~ advice!

y is it that God always gives u stuff that u dun even ask for n makes u suffer ever lastingly for the things u really wished would happen

it happend to me soo many times that the thing that i desire soo much comes at the point wen i least want it! n usually turns out to be on my disadvantage.

being a teenager sux! i cant believe that i actually wished once that i wanted to be a teenager quickly n u see its again goin against me which exactly proves my theory!!

i should really become a philosopher since i got loads of crappy theories made up in my mind about social life which is quite true

gah i m not makin sense anymore!!! someone plz send me to a mental hospital or just disect my brain n through it in the bermuda triangle...O_o

manners?

2007-02-19T20:21:00.000+04:00

"let me return this to its orginal owner"

so there my friend was peepin outside the door lookin for the chem teacher which was nowhere to be found. wen suddenly this almost bald guy shows up n was in a deep conversation with a teacher...the only bald guy who the whole skool knows, i m sure u know who i m talkin bout, yup the headmaster or the vice principal.

i had a gut instinct tellin me that this guy is definitely gonna come inside since there is no substitution teacher, n we were all just roamin around n guess wat it came true. he came inside asked us where our teacher was, hell as if we know! so nyways he started talkin n the topic drifted to how littered our class was (for a couple of days) n then he started sayin somethin bout the teachers not feelin passion bout their job, n then power n went on on....even to his own history of schoolin. we were bored as helll!!!! first of all no one understood his fancy words n wat he was tryin to say was somethin beyond the teenage comprhension, yes i know the fact that power can influence the minds of the ppl, but thats the only thing i understood after his whole meaningless speech!

i tried to answer him bak after a few times just to show that we r not dimwits sittin here in gr9 but then if no one is really bothered then y should i

we were talkin bout how unjust the head of section is cuz she always takes 9g2 or 9g4 or other classes i dun think i went to any of the competitions as an audience this year n it sux! he said y do u think they r not allowin u to go? well maybe cuz of some over-smart assed students but all classes have that n theres alot especially in 9g4!, he said how many of u think that ur a bad representative for this class? raise up ur hands, yah rite as if someone's really tat stupid to do that...just then the arabic substitution teacher enters the class, she was late 20 mins instead of firin that woman off he showed a polite smile, she did looked kinda hesitened though. after she entered they both stood infront of the board n were talkin n from somewhere a chalk comes flyin on the board makin a loud TAK! noise on the board...

there u go got ur answer?

i was kinda shocked n abit amused as i looked at the girl who obviously had the guts to do it...but the amusement was soon gone as the headmaster picked up that peice of chalk n as we held our breaths to see her get fired by him, he said "let me return this to its original owner" n he went n kept it on on that girl's desk n that girl shamelessly denyin the fact that she did it...n again he started lecturin us bout some crap. durin that time i was tryin to figure out how did he know who it was? since he was talkin to the arabic teacher i guess he could where it was comin from from the corner of his eyes...
i think now, 9g1 is definitely never ever gonna see any shows

the following next day, someone threw a chalk at mr micheal's glasses...i think that was quite dangerous since it could have gone into his eye... wen we again turned to that girl, she again refused to admit that she did, mr micheal was really pissed n started lecturin " do u think by doing all this u think u r cool?" 1% yes 99% no,
the next day ms sibi gave that girl a big firin, but that really doesn't matter since that girl does it every time,

y is it that whichever class i go to its always the worst! well not always but usually. last year i believe that our class was the laziest among the whole gr8, i m not sayin that i was a hardworkin person n all, i can be one of them but laziness always wins the better part of me. the year before that was the one with warnin letters, n a girl got kicked outta the skool for havin a relationship (dun worry it was much more dramatic n complicated) the point is i feel that i m cursed to always be in the worst class no matter wat!!! but then i really wouldn't want my class to be like g2 either, since they have to be the perfect role-model for other clases...i would rather have my class than to be in that class.

oh well i can live with the bad reputation for our class but not with a screwed up n totally boring school life

uh valentine?

2007-02-14T20:14:00.000+04:00

"u r my crush"

hmm, well today was like just another day except the fact that teachers were wearing pink or red...n our maths teacher well she just has no taste in romance (as if i do)

so anyways u must be wonderin just wth the line in the blockquote is about, lolz it was a joke played on me nd ofcourse i could see that it was a joke before anyone had to tell me...

break had just got over, n i was just starin outside the window...bored
suddenly my friend comes up to me n says "oh rabia, i almost forgot" *hugs* "happy valentines day!" "yah same to u to" n hugged back...wen i tried to pull away she didnt let me go 'k somethin's fishy here' i thought
"umm, can u let me go now?" i asked kinda irritated "u r my crush!"
...................................
..............................
........................
..................
.............
........
....
...
.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

i screamed n shrieked the hell outta my lungs n just pulled n fell down on the chair, i was feelin almost suffocated with my eyes stretched wide "get the hell away from me u FREAK!!!" lolzz i knew she was kiddin since she had a boyfriend...she started laughin so loudly that she almost fell...n everyone was starin at me, no one knew just wat was goin on the just had someone shriekin really loud, gd thing ms amelita wasn't there, or else my friend n i would be drop dead...hehe
after i was done through my paranoia, i started laughin, althought it did scared the hell outta me for a moment

i guess all gd things must come to an end...i might have to look for a new job since the rich girl could not lemme do her h.w anymore since her cousin has arrived from her extra-1-month holiday n she suspects alot n has a mouth of a parrot. so i guess i have to search here n there again

happy birthday!

2007-02-13T21:04:00.000+04:00

yay!! today is my blog's birthday! happy birthday blog
well now its 2 yrs old
2 yrss of ranting ands complaints
2 yrs of meaningless posts
hehe

btw happy valentines day to those who r gonna celebrate it (although i m sure the whole 9th grde is gonna celebrate even though we are not allowed) :P
n especially be careful of deepa tommorow! god knows wat sadistically evil plans she has stored in her mind for those who got caught passin letters.

gradutation sux

2007-02-11T21:47:00.000+04:00

"sis, should i come?" "u can if u want to"

from today onwards i detest graduations to the core!
at first i couldn't decide whether i should go or not, since tomorow is eng lit test. but then i decide wth lets just go, who knows if u'll be able to live long enough to see another one. so i went n took the story bk (Pride n Prej) so i could read in the car...i read for a little while but there was toomuch of disturbance since my mom n my sis were talkin beside me n lets not forget my 2 bros who constantly kept yapping bout cars. so anyways wen we reached there it was kinda like a ballroom n then we entered the theatre room where ceremony was be held.
it was the worst thing ever... i was soooooooooooooooooooooooo bored. fist some chanceller guys comes up gives a speech, then another n then another like this there were like 3 speeches made n then this female student comes up n gives another speech, so during the whole time i was reading my book n yet i was able to finish only 2 chapters! my sis reminded me that it was rude that i was readin while the speech was going on. i just looked at her with a poker face n said "i get enough of it at skool, n plus its crap, atleast i m learnin somethin over here"
after the speeches were over, certificates were handed out inside a file. k just as to not confuse u all i have 2 sis during this whole ceremony, one who attended with us as a guest n the other was the graduate. so my sis got an award since she got her gpa over 3.4 (suma cum laude) n the damn ppl had spelt my dad's name wrong!!!
later we ate a little, the food was cold basically they just served appetizers we clicked some pics n came back home. n i wasted 3 hours for nothing.
i m sure it must be exciting n abit intimidating for the graduates. i mean no more studyin crap! u have learnt as much crap that was supposed to be taught!
but from my point of veiw
gradutation still sux

journalism?

2007-02-09T14:52:00.000+04:00

ok i wanted to stayback for photojournalism, just because it contained the word photo...i dun give a damn bout journalism! but i feel that the moment i accepted the offer, i was suked into this world of writing stories...sure i wouldn't mind riting stuff, if it was given for punishment!
i mean i dun wanna stay back just to rite articles which half of the school wouldn't bother to even read... as they said during the presentation "a picture says a thousand words..." thats y i want to take photography, to combine everything u want to say in just a single shot is quite hard...ut riting bout it...let me tell u i m not gd with adjectives so there..
i dun wanna be a journalist! i dun wanna rite for the school mag (even if they made one which i doubt it) i m happy just riting poems, but riting reviews n critics etc. they will just bore me to death! as pam requested, i'll just a few pics here n the one on which my bro commented on although i dun find anythin special bout it...

this is actually the second photo that i took since my passion for photography started (which was like an year ago)

this one is well the inside of a glass...looks like a kaliedoscope doesn't it? well i just placed camera on self-time set it on top of the rim of the glass..n viola! (i forgot to put my name!)

ok it sux i know that

nuts...

focused more on a nut

perspective...

n this is the pic on which my bro commented...its ok i guess

k i like this pic, it can be my msn dp, instead of that stupid cute sunflower...if only it wasn't blurred agggggggghhh! i hate this camera, n the guitar is dirty <_<>

now do u think i should buy a SLR? cuz if i do, then i would be takin alotta my friends for modellin! (mostly emotive pics, n not stupid fashion pics...maybe 1 or 2) n if i dun like the way u fake it, then ur out! that is only if i have the stupid camera arrrrrrgh its driving me crazy!

photofreak

2007-02-07T19:20:00.000+04:00

"did u take this pic?"

k i have still need 2000dhs more to reach my goal few days ago wen i was absent from skool(missed the bus), i was bored so i took out the camera n started takin pics of my bros' guitars...i hate this camera cuz it doesn't have a hand stabilizer. n since i didn't have enough space in my pc, i transferred the pics to my bro's pc. n i dunno how he found out n he has kept one of the pics as his desktop wallpaper. later, my other bro comes up n sees that pic, calls me up... "did u take this pic?" ok i was embarrased, i dunno y but i was kinda flushed out..."yah," "its nice" then he asked me whether i was interested in photography, i was like yah. so he told me then there was education in AUS, then we talked bout career in it...n it wasn't that gd, but it depended on the projects i got. n then he asked me do u know y this pic is gd?, well i just said that i have no idea since i took the photo cuz the angle pleased me, then he taught me somethin bout a thing called "symmetry & a-symmetry" n a bit of contrast. He knows stuff bout perspective n stuff cuz he's studyin architecture.... n then i told him bout the SLR, well i was hopin for a negative response but it was somewhat positive, he was first abit surprised wen i told him bout the price, he asked wats the diference in the cameras?
well,the firs thing would be that it does have a hand stabilizer! which wont let me take blurry shots. picture quality million times better etc

blah blah blah we had discussion, on a hobby called photography
he said i might have to study hard if i DUN wanna be a Doc

n all i can say, is that i might have somewat found a little support from my family, but u never know went it can change to a negative vibe the spreads like an epidemic throughout the family.

btw i just finished this book called "the alchemist" by paulo coelho, n i think i m pratcially deaf to the voice of my heart but i can hear my consious tellin me"u r an idiot tryin to do so" after readin this book, i really feel that the quote

"the whole world conspires to help u reach ur destiny"

is really true. Since wen i luvd photography, i had no cash to buy a camera, suked in photography n no family support...but now everythin is kinda improvin, i can make cash, i m gettin abit better, n slowly startin to gain family support. Maktub...

srry for droolin my obssession of photography here

creep

2007-02-02T16:27:00.000+04:00

"wth? it seems to be suspended in the air, neither moving foward or backward..."

yesterday was just like any other day, except for the fact that i missed my bus...so my dad had to wake up a bit early to drop me off, we didn't had much of a conversation, so like any other person i was just staring blankly out the window, cars with ppl glued to thier cellphones, just stuck up in a traffic. my gaze went up into the sky watching a huge flock of birds crossing miles...n then there i saw a plane, at first i was like so wat nothin new bout it but then, wth? it seems to be suspended in the air, neither moving foward or backward...
O_o
i rubbed my eyes just to make sure it wasn't an illusion, but there it was still...i searched for any strings or anything that would tell me the fact that it was being held by another plane or was supported by something but there was nothin,
my sis was like maybe ur car was movin too fast that it seemed like the plane was really slow,
but we were stuck in a traffic! n even if we were movin fast, u can still feel n see that plane is movin, but it was just stuck in the air!
i know no one will believe this story, maybe it was just an illusion made by my brain
but even if it was an illusion, it was damn real.
O_o

where theres a will, theres a hope

2007-01-29T22:24:00.000+04:00

"i really wanna buy that camera! i m even ready to do even a maid's job...except for cleaning the toilets! lolz" "rabia, ur crazy! u r much more educated n smart than the maids! for once use ur brains!" "Use my brains huh? I got it!" "wha-?"

yesterday i told everyone bout me being obssessive bout this camera...
i was sittin in the physics period sulkin bout how i wanted a job n wanted to buy this stuff "i really wanna buy that camera! i m even ready to do even a maid's job...except for cleaning the toilets! lolz" "rabia, ur crazy! u r much more educated n smart than the maids! for once use ur brains!" "Use my brains huh? I got it!" "wha-?"
I remembered one girl tellin me that she paid a 100dhs to this person just to do her H.W! shes the most stupid person ever who has no money issues n does not know THE VALUE OF MONEY but in any case i called her n asked u want me to do ur hw? i'll charge u 100dhs for each subject...she was like fine n i was like O_o wow, gettin 100 bucks for like 6 questions? i will be able to make 3000dhs in a month's time... i could give her a 2% discount if she gave me 2 subjects. but all this just seems too gd to be true. wat if she doesn't brings the money, no prob, i'll tear off the pages from her book on which i did my work n just eat less everyday n save up money...it might be a long process n it could possibly take more than an year to save enough but atleast i can garuntee that i will get the money,

durin the maths period(last period), ms mary(supervisor) entered our class, n was like she wanted to check our bags, n everyone was like "shit! omg!" cuz most of them had bought thier mp3 players today n i bought a fasion mag that i thought i would read in the bus but alwayx forgot. anways, it seemed to be that some girl had lost her 50 bucks in her class durin the test period n we were sittin in that class...we were all innocent ofcourse, n later that girl whose filthy rich comments "she lost only 50dhs n shes makin such a big fuss!" heh as if u have ever earned anythin in ur life...i haven't n yet i know that money shouldn't be taken for granted

so lets see if i can really get the money, then all is gd, if no, not much harm is done, i can make it through the long way...
but i feel srry for her, money might be able to buy things we desire and want, but it will never buy wisdom, love n especially BRAINS!

uh oh

2007-01-28T22:57:00.000+04:00

if u haven't read the previous post then dun bother commentin here!

i got pam's 'buy-me syndrome'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
i really want this stupid camera but its like more than 2000dhs how the hell am i supposed to get that much money!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
rite now every nerve body is screaaamin photoooooooooogrrrrrapphyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!
i saw soooooo many kl pics taken by this camera
to hell with all that crap i said before!
does anyone knows where i can get a job with a gd pay?
cuz i know i aint gonna get it as a gift nor do i have anyone who is filthy rich, whom i could con away...so might as well make my cv
btw wth is r those stupid fliers in skool bout? 'r u broke?...' sure as hell am, but its only for com students! wth is a girl like me supposed to do! they should provide small jobs for students u know, this way they can get thier extra with us being teacher's-slave. i cant sit properly i gotta run i gotta do somethin to stop this stupid stupid energy from overflowing,
i think now theres a third part of the brain thats comin to veiw now

insanity: must-buy-camera! i have to something!!!!!! isfojaeifja
self consious: stop actin stupid! ppl might think ur a total nutcase!
insanity: MONEY! MONEY! MONEY!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAA
(common sense just couldn't take it any more so...)
common sense: SHUT THE HELL UP!!!! n calm dowwn
self consious: u both r now freakin me out
insanity: pic pic pic pic pic pic pic etc...

happiness...

2007-01-28T20:04:00.000+04:00

Look mais! the moon and theres the sun!

so is it really true that the small things in life really makes a person happy? sometimes...i guess.
during the first term, everyday, early in the morning wen my friend (mais) and i walked from our bus to the skool, i used to search the sky, anxiously waiting for the clouds to move n there it shone faintly...the moon
"Look mais! the moon and theres the sun!" i would say gleefully! "uff, u and ur sun and moon" i would just reply bak with a gleeful smile, staring at the moon at the north and sometimes to the sun, which was on my west...but if the sun is on my west then i might be facin south...ahh jeez wateva, the point is u see it everyday yet most of us fail to notice. n then wen we're travellin from bus to skool theres this huuuuuuuuuge flock birds or pigeons(i think) flyin in the air coverin up the whooooole sky(sometimes they go round like cyclone O_o its kinda wierd)!! i dunno lookin at them just makes me feel more content and filled and...happy

but then even helpin out someone (sometimes) gives u this warm fuzzzzy little feelin, like wen the gr2 child told her story bout me singing to her friend who told me in the bus. or wen i gave my chocolate to my friend who was really feelin hungry. i dunno it just felt nice! although helpin a stupid dumbass who constantly asks for ur notebook, or askin questions durin the period n exams is just plain nuisence.

n wat bout the things we want? (ipod, huge tv, ferrari etc) could happiness really be bought with money? maybe, but it only lasts a while...wen i got the things that i wanted i was really happy, jumpin around the whole house! but then u just loose that feelin later on, n u go longin for another of ur wants, so even if happiness is bought by money, it will only result with greed i guess. but u cant give up on it either since everyone has wants that only money can fulfill but can it really bring happiness?

wow i could become a philosopher by ritin all this crap. in the end i guess its just those little things in life that u probably never even noticed before, that really makes us happy. Eg: Pigeon Fight (u haaaaaaaaaaaaave to see one its the funniest thing ever, birds peckin on each other's neck lolz) or a mom's hug might just give u that little warm fuzzy feelin inside. Its just that even though we know its there, we are just so blinded by the misery around us and can not see the fact that the answer to 'being happy' is so simple? i dunno if its true with all the stuff, but usually it is said, that complicated questions have very simple answers.

although i might not be able to see the unique dawn everyday, i might as well go to gr 2 n see the boys belly dance, lolzz that would make my day!

too young to be called old

2007-01-27T11:04:00.000+04:00

"which grade r u in?" "y?" "i need to know" "7"

u must be wonderin y am i doin this all the time, well actually its like an openin n i kinda like so i'll do it for most of my posts, these words are actually the main topic for the post.

hmmm, so it all began wen i was infront of the canteen for gr5-8, wrestlin with the small fat girls to go front n then try to catch someones attention so i can buy.
n suddenly this girl comes up behind me n asks "which grade r u in?" i m like "y?" although knowin the answer very well to myself..."i need to know!" in a split second i had to decide whether i should tell her the truth or not
TRUTH: if told her the truth i would be thrown outta the line...
LIE: she could probably argue n i could ignore her, or she would buy my story, in either case i could buy.
i had come too farto be thrown out, so wat was my judgement, LIE
"7..." "oh ok," n she left. i had 2 thoughts she came after another
FIRST: she bought my story yess i can finally buy
SECOND: wait she actually believed that i m in 7th grade! do i look that small!!

at that time i didn't really care, but wen i told this to my friends they were like u should have said 8 not 7, but that does not make a difference! the fact that i look smaller than my age still remains true. mostly the girls who look older r the girls who r bitchy, mostly not all. gah who cares!? as long as i can take advantage of the fact that i m small and big at the same time who would wanna look bitchy?
hehe...

but still u know i look like 12-yr-old!
its ok!
no its not, i need plastic surgery!
ur crzzy!
no ur crzzy how can u be so calm bout it!
cuz its not a big deal!
grrr!
grrr!

SYSTEM ERROR!

sorry bout that, my brain is kinda havin a fight rite now? one half is self concious n the other is well just plain common sense. so who do u think will win?

Rage

2007-01-25T21:29:00.000+04:00

If i can create then i can destroy too, they r my creations

wen i woke up, i was sik of being sik! this clogged nose, husky voice, nonstop coughin, n extra laziness, i wen to school like any other schoolday, draggin myself from from the bus to my class. every one who comes n sees me says "wats rong? y r u so quiet?" i stare at them, i m being annoyed like that everyday. jeez ppl is it like u just noticed it today that i m sik with cold! n that isn't the only thing, dun tell me that u dunno me long enough to make out my personality, i m that quiet person who listens to ppls trashy lives, n then later bitch bout the how cruel the world is.

wen our class teacher arrived, she was like rabia "y r u cryin?" to hell with that as if i m ever gooooooooooin to cry, i aint that weak. "mam i m sik" sayin for the upteenth time durin the day. then she was like "no i was talkin bout that screamin pic of urs", well wat could i say, i just smiled. later shes like she didn't like the toilet door i made on the board. she was like it didn't look nice, cuz this isn't the place where it belongs, n to make matters worse, a girl in my class was like yes mam all the girls from other classes r sayin like this is not nice....thats IT! i was quiet i didn't wanted to make an issue but i couldn't control my anger (the irony is, i myself had ritten a topic called rage control for our board) i just went bak n tore off the thing. most ppl at the bak gasped, "rabia!"
there was only one thing in my mind that time: i can create then i can destroy too, they r my creations.

y was i pissed? cuz the teacher had no rite to tell us to take it off the board. If she does wanna control stuff, then she should have told us wat to do stead of givin the whole board to ourselves. n i was pissed at that girl, just bcuz her friends doesn't likes it doesn't mean she could make it all worse! i mean all the ppl that i had showed it too, they all liked it, i mean they do get a shock first, but then they eventually liked it. i mean there was nothin dirty in it, its jst a freakin door! most of the ppl n my classmates like it cuz they felt that it was somethin different they all were like "gr8 idea rabia" i was sooo excited to do this! n then came the burden of the freakin "CLOSE-MINDED PPL". y do i have to plz others, wen my friends n i are pleased?

i was so angry, that i wasn't talkin at all (i would have screamed n argued but i m sik n my husky voice just ain t good enough) later i felt like tearin somethin more, i wanted to tear aways everythin i had done for the board. i knw it would look empty but to hell with team-spirit. 2 of my fat friends tried to stop doin that, one was like u r strong! i laughed out a little, ok maybe i m overreactin a little, but i get pissed with really closed minded ppl. i know i didn't do anythin rong to be guilty of. later all my friends tried to make a fuss n argued with that girl, i was like i'm over with it so then y cant u guys be? but they went on n later...susan (our class president) comes up to me n says "i feel like killin u rite now!(with an evil grin) u didn't had to tear off that thing u know, it was the only thing that made our class look different from others," "yah but mam didn't like it" "but u didn't had to throw in the dust bin..." i gues anger can harm those around u too, ignite a fire within a person that was once calm n docile, n hurt the ones without doin anythin to them. "...make it again, I will take the responsibilty" lolz wish i could, but who would do it? my printer is jammed n i got this printed after goin to 5 ppl, i wonder if its possible to make it again, nah

conclusion is, i dun get pissed so easily but wen i do, its bad, its really bad. for me sadness usually turns into anger, n then to rebellion. i should really stop readin fearless <_<

bak to 2nd grade

2007-01-23T20:30:00.000+04:00

no more stupid rantin bout teachers, or how cruel life is...
k so we had our em class, waitin outside for sir micheal to come n take us to the chem lab (thats where have our classes for em) so he finally arrives, late as usual.
n off we go, n we just stopped outside the 2nd grade class, n i was wonderin wth is goin on? so then sir is like the chem lab is being used n there r no free rooms rite now, so 3 or 4 of u will go to each section of 2nd grade...O_O

a nightmare just came true

so we entered i think 2 c, areeba, me n another girl was there. As soon as we entered areeba put her bag down , n started off with being a responsible adult, that is being a monitor, i just looked around...it was chaotic
as soon as we entered this cute little filipino boy comes up n says "welcome to 2c" with a broken smile (u know half broken teeth, half milk teeth) it was sooo sweet :)
the boys at the back were standin on their chair, n suddenly started belly dancin 0_o
ok this somethin u dun see everyday so it would be better to enjoy it now. then i started drawin a flower on board, n again this filipino boy comes up n says "kl nice drawin!" i dun remember the last time someone sed kl to my drawin usually its like "wow its gd" "ur really talented"etc. all i could do is smile n say thnx! n then hes like come n look at my drawin n i saw his cute little drawins of cars, with straight lines drawn by scale, n coloured with markers i think...

then my friend areeba was like are there any pakis here? none...O_o indians? none bengolis? none. umm, filipinos? 10-15 pairs of hands up in the air screamin "ME! ME ME!" wow, the future genereations will be full of filipinos...n after 5 mins they started singin "we will, we will rok u!" i was havin fun, so i joind in the singin too lolz, areeba was like O_o wth r u doin? i m like wat i dunno wen i m gonna come bak here again (n my grade 2 class suked cuz i dun think anyone in our class did belly dancin) so might as well enjoy it!

We will, We will, ROCK U!

wen i went in the bus there was this small girl, whom i barely knew, told me that some big girls came to her class n she saw me...i was like ok. but i didn't enter her class i went to some other one, n then she was like my friend in another class told me that there was this girl, who started singin with them...
i couldn't stop smilin after that...

We will, We will, ROCK U!

2nd term

2007-01-22T23:10:00.000+04:00

hmm well, the startin suked, cuz wen we got our papers, i got most Bs a C and few As.
then just last week i had to be in charge of the boardwork, cuz my leader is more lazier than i m, and i knew no work would be done...but i didn't knew leadership could be sucha pain in the ass, no wait i knew this thats y i never took any responsibilities arrrgh
so i had a phys project too to submit by the end of this week, i finished it today, i think i did an ok job, i wanted my project to be a little different so i basicly didn't use any of the cheap ugly lookin powerpoint templates which everyone uses n made my n guess wat? my bro comes later, sees, n says i copied his style i m like O_o no i didn't. wen should me his presentation, it almost looked exactly the same...talk bout coincidence, or better still same brains...
but i didn't care, last week i felt that my brain was bout to explode from the pressure of all the stuff (includin Deepa that bitch) so i made a stayback just to finish all the stupid board work, almost all the paki girls stayed bak even though they did not belong to our group. Ppl asked "rabia wat to do?" or "wat to do with this?" "where should we stick this?" HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW? no wait i m supposed to know since i m the leader, but gimme a break dun u guys have brains n a little creativity. btw our board still does not have a title, n theres a wierd pic of me screamin, stuk on the board, u can come n look n laugh. i was thinkin on ritin on anger management, but then i got lazy too.
i remember my friend told me wen she stayed for the board, and was goin bak home she met the headmaster, wen he asked y did u staybak she told him the reason n he was like wat a dedicated class n i should congratulate the teacher. i was like O_O i m the one who is supposed to be given credit for this NOT SIBI!! the parrot voiced fat lookin teacher didn't do anythin at all!!!
finally its all over, our board is still incomplete n i dun give a shit, if someone asks me it is incomplete i'll blame it on the leader, unfair? i m sik of this, the boys dun even do their board the teachers do it for them, n here we girls are given a million responsibilities

k my bro this wonderful song in his pc that i have been just dyin to share, but the thing is there is no vocals, since he has no singer, so he left that part blank
tell me watcha think, i wish i could play guitar like him
for some reason i like the first song than the second one

Happy New Year

2006-12-31T23:24:00.000+04:00

k 2007 is here so wats new?
lolz i know i sound like a jerk
but its just like any other day isn't it?
well i dunno, there is gonna be fireworks at the corniche in exact mins
i can watch it just by goin behind my buildin,
so today, i went to sahara center today with family, wat did i see? well all the arab girl's from 9th grade...then umm my old islamic/urdu teacher lolzz i showed my bro he said he knows (he used to study in westminster before) her name is gazala not the one that we haaaaaaaaaaaaate, but this one has small mushroom cut hair, she knows me since the time i joined skool...
so wat did we do? well wat can u possibly do with borin family like mine? we just roamed n ate food (that suked) n came back home. the place was filled with arabs. n i dunno y but everytime i go out to eat somethin somethin spills on me..its not that i dunno how to eat but it always does!!! i got a drop of curry on my sweater's sleeve (that belongs to my sis). n tomorw is my birthday, lessee how many of my friends call, even though i know the answer, none. nything special for tomorow? nope its just gonna pass by like all the other days...
birthday gifts? wats the wishlist for? but then again i dun expect gifts...
as for the resolution? never gd at thinkin bout the future. so this is it

bye bye 2006

yay mp4 player

2006-12-24T19:18:00.000+04:00

k we went to emax yesterday for my sis to buy her laptop, n my sis bought a mp3 player for me...i cant believe ppl on souq.com r sellin the same thing double its price...well its a cheap ipod look alike model. iwas really happy on the first day but this stupid thing started to show probz on the second day, i put mp3 n then this stupid does not plays half of them well later after collectin 600 or 700 i might buy a better one with loooads of space n which WORKS!

this is my player

Black People

2006-12-22T14:52:00.000+04:00

hmm, well black people r black people lolzz
but man u dun wanna see them hot headed...they can fite like hell n swear bout words that u haven't even heard of.
i remember last year, few days before sports day, everyone was outta the class roamin here n there, teachers were busy with makin pom poms n stuff, so there was no control over students, except few nerd who were sittin in class listenin to teacher n not enjoyin this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. nywayss, i went to my friend's class n was listenin to her mp3 player. n suddenly there was soo much of noise, that wen we turned back there was a fite being goin on...between an african-american girl (Joelle) n a paki gurl (Sehar). k those 2 neva got along with each other in the first place. i dun rememebr exactly y the fite had started but it seems like joelle was nicely sittin at the bak with her gang n gosippin, n she calls this female Sehar from the front, she comes to her n the Joele told her oh its nothin, sehar called her bitch or somethin...n Joelle got pissed n they both started fitin, k joele first didn't take it seriously n sehar for no reason was bubblin up. n joele was like ur not worth wastin my time upon, n then sehar said somethin bad again, then after alotta verbal fite, joelle got reall pissed. she took sehar's arms and pushed her against the cupboard, there was a loud BANG sound. my other friend who was a close friend of joele n was standin next to her said, that sehar's hands were litterally shaking from fear. Joelle cornered sehar n looked at her with fierce eyes n said somethin, sehar just looked up here n there, tryin to avoid her gaze, it seemed like she was gonna cry abit soon, but was not tryin to show n pretendin to ignore Joelle...serisouly wen i saw joele doin that, i got a bit scared, while my friend whose mp3 player i was using was enjoyin the show...it was like a cat fite. Joele didn't do anythin, n left her. they both got warnin letters, guess who cried?

n if that aint convincin enough then watch this video clip my bro found on youtube. we were laughin our heads off. This woman kicks her husbands @$$ lolzz

exams n future

2006-12-16T12:06:00.000+04:00

exams

hmm, well exams r here n i got 2 exams tomorw, n here i m on net...
oh well, i sit on computer everyday, exams r no exception. only three more left then holidays! yay! well lets see the worst paper i had till now has to be islamic and computer. before i thought physics was the worst but comparin it to the other subjects i think it was a bit easier...n the worst part is that deepa is gonna correct the computer n it papers n hand it over on class party! the sadistic bitch always tryin to ruin our fun! >:( i really dun wanna see my paper since i know i would get in somethin like 40 or 50...i m sure half of the class would be cryin like it happend the same last year in science, dun make even start bout that
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future

well, i still have decided on wat i wanna be. just an ambitionless person studyin aimlessly. so lets analyze:
i dun like sci(now that i think of it, y did i opt for sci in 9? :S), nor am i smart enough for commerce(theres ur answer), hmm abit creative u can say(not a genius, ideas sometimes hit randomly), 0 in sports (stamina to low, weak n thin) , n i dun understand the true meaning behind a story (just wtf is darcy's prob! someone should really punch his face n tell him whose boss), em (the world is gonna end someday), law (i always loose all the debates n arguments, although i can be provoked easily), teaching (not gd in explainin), computer (have no idea bout parts, just basic stuff as to how to work it). so wat does that leave me with?(it leaves u with nothing) u can say i m a total idiot.

i guess i can go somewhere in the art field, i like photography (though i have not a clue bout its abc) n i m somewat ok in art as well, but i dun think i m that creative enough to come up with new designs everyday! but i dunno few of my friends say that i should become a pshycologist, cuz i go like deep into stuff...hmm well wateva, actually if u take that case then i m more of a human dummy, where ppl can just open up n let all thier anger sadness or wateva it is out, it doesn't matters whether i m sittin or a ur stuffed toys cuz i just listen to thier blabberin, n wen it comes to advice, well then i go completely blank :|. no idea...

god i must have bored ppl with my mental illness of confusion. if someone were to rite a story on me then the title would be "the melancholy of rabia ihsan", actually that title is already taken by another story, which is million times interestin than mine, n wat happend to Phone Call u say? well it can rest in peace...

boy i m sure a topic drifter

headache...

2006-11-21T19:41:00.001+04:00

god my head is achin soo badly, i have to like study for bio cuz i got test day after tomorow, n computer cuz deepa is a bitch...
today she caught a girl who cheated in her computer test paper, she was denyin first like most students do, but then in the end she was guilty. she was a very idiotic girl too, i mean she copied the answers for alllll the questions for the notebook, word to word nothin less nothin more. deepa found cuz, she was really stupid in class, n she havin such a gd paper, somethin was rong. so she got caught. then she gave a lecture that we shouldn't she copy. n then she said did anyone cheated tell me now, she looked at everyone. n then she said something, n looked at my face, i had no idea y she was lookin so i looked blankly at her, she was still starin, i smiled, still starin, i was like "wat?", she was like did u understand, n i was like yes...i think she suspects me of copyin too, but she has this concept in her mind that all bad girls r stupid, which is not true, first of all i wouldn't include myself in the bad girls section, since i only argued if i thought i was correct, n wen she used to make me get up to answer, i only answered sometimes, its not that i m stupid its just cuz i dun study everyday like nerds! but she thinks i m n idiot so she must be suspectin me of cheatin, which is soo rong...
i didn't cheated, my answers dun match the ones ritten in the notebook (i couldn't remeber the answers so i rote in my own words,) n i didn't copy from anyone else cuz no one will have the time to tell me the answers...
but i m still scared, if she asks me tomorow frm the paper, n if i dun remember the answer, then i will be an innocent who was just outta luck n framed guilty. i just hope that doesn't happens. inshallah :( ( i dun need to worry, i m innocent. but still i m scared)

i hate teachers...

2006-11-08T19:08:00.000+04:00

seriously after all thats happend to me, well u cant judge all of them through a single incident but its true!!
yesterday my class teacher ms.siby took my diary to rite a note to my parents just cuz i lost the stupid circular, seriously teacher r really stupid to rite in the diary for such silly reasons, well nways she took my diary n didn't return it back!! it was the last period wen i started wonderin where the hell is siby! she has my diary! wen is she gonna return it? i asked my friends did she come durin the class or break? they were like yes she came n kept someone diary on the table n left, i was like which period some said 1st period some said 5th period but in both the periods i m not in clas! it was really irresponsible of her to just leave it on teacher's table, i mean a teacher could have taken it by mistake...lol in the last period my bio teacher is like "Rabia looks angry again," hehe i started to laugh...

the last time i got this pissed was wen i didn't get the 3rd wrksht of bio (me, my partner n a girl who sits behind) although it was our fault since she repeated whether if we had gotten 3 worksheets but i guess i was daydreamin n those 2 were talkin but i didn't admit it was my fault, by the end of bio period i got my worksheet n the teacher was like "k k dun get angry now," searches for the wrkshet gives me on then says "r u happy?" lolz "yes"

plus i haateeeee deepa, i mean she is supposed to give us worksheets! but she said photocopy from ur friends cuz they weren't any extra sheets n wen i told her that mam u r supposed to give us the worksheets. she was like excuse me but u dun have to tell me my job, i know how to do my job. n is this the way to talk to a teacher go learn first manners then talk to me...
i was thinkin like uh hello!? how the hell am i supposed to say that u r RONG! it wasn't that i told her in a rude way "mam u dunno how to do ur job" or anythin like that, she is the one who needs to learn manners before speakin, seriously teachers have this big EGO that they can never be rong! n how dare a student correct them?!
i really feel like tellin this incident to the headmaster...

n micheal!! lets not forget him!! wth is he doin in skool? i mean the last class he came in he was like make groups n u will explain, wat u dun understand i will explain that to u. hello then wat is ur job? just blindly correctin the notebooks? i dunno if his method of teachin is really gonna work...

in the end its a worthless fite, to even try n correct a teacher cuz its always the downfall of a student...never underestimate the ego of a teacher

Cloudy Love

2006-10-19T17:47:00.000+04:00

hmm, wierd subject but i wanted to rite on it since its soo wierd lol :P
well, i have seen bird fights well the actually peck on each others neck lol thats soo funny
well, today i saw bird love :S well thats wat it looked like!
i was sittin in my bros room, he was chattin n i was lookin outside the window its really big window wall size, so i could just on his bed n watch out hehe (too lazy to get up) well ouside in the balcony 2 birds came n sat on the railin n suddenly they came close n startin kissin each other O_o i was really surprised i mean O_O wat the hell?!! lolzz birdy love but it was soooooooooooooooo wierd!!!! maybe they were transferrin food into each others mouth O_o (now thats disgustin) but its wierd doncha think? plus they even layed eggs, its soo annoyin stupid birds, always chirpin...i wonder how does my bro sleeps? well i guess birds too sleep in the nite rite? but kissin? there must be a scientific explanation to that, birds dun just kiss around....

limits

2006-10-17T19:57:00.000+04:00

hmm, well u must be annoyed n thnkin 'wat this time?'
well, i crossed my limits, yes those which r supposed to be off limits
in social period, sir micheal was blabberin soooo much bout how he corrected the books n staybacks he had to do...sheesh my head started achin i told him on his face "sir, we dun actually care how u correct the notebooks, by the end of the day it should be corrected n given to us" BOOM, big mistake
"HOW RUDE?!" someone else said "rabia thats really rude!", "yah"
i m like wateva, well he was wastin period nways, but i was also have a cramp in the left side of my stomach since mornin n a headache.. so u could say that i was in a bad mood
plus for some reason i dunno i hate the guy! k not hate but i seriously dun like him n i dun understand it, he just makes me angry :S, in the EM i was asleep in his period, k that day was a bad day too, for some reason weneve i have his period i always have a bad day!
today i saw him in the breaktime outside goin from boys buildin to the girls (i think its cuz we were gonna have EM next) my friends said just wen he was bout to go i stepped in front of him n brought out my hands to signal him to stop then i apologized for my rude behaviour, he forgave (as expected) he said he was surprised n quite angered cuz he used to like my bro aloooooooot n how could i do such a thing (i hate this kinda brother/sista similar relationship, i mean u cant expect me to be nice jsut cuz my bro is nice! we dun have the same character, i m not my bro) he said if it was anyone else he wouldn't had minded but it was ME! sheesh sometimes i really wished i was a nobody, no family ties in school or have bro n sis who were super nerds infront of teachers n that they expect the same outta u

as floo says "great expectations" :P

"The days that are full of lies
People filled with expections
Even if I acheived them
it wouldn’t change a thing..."

took from lyrics

u cant be pleased with anything if u aren't pleased with yourself

2006-10-06T13:46:00.000+04:00

this was a quote that i read on thurday, written on the class board. it got me into thinkin bout my family. i feel that i was never appreciated n never will be...everyone is just there to ignore me, everyone just thinks i am a nuisance or wateva...no one appreciates anyone in my house, its like we just have to bear each other. me being the smallest m not even allowed to show my anger as that would be taken as disrespect, then who should i speak to? this useless messgae wont be read by anyone i m sure, if read no one could anythin bout it. sometimes i do feel selfpity, i never understood the expectations of my family nor do i think i will ever be able to. if i get 2 marks less in my test i would criticized really badly "y did u get 2 marks less?" well i cant be perfect u know, but if get full i dun get anythin...no praise no nothin, its destroyin my confidence in myself i m startin to believe that i wont be able to please anyone no matter how hard i try, so i have given up "hope is wasted on the hopeless"
now no matter how much i get criticised i dun care, as it has become a routine it hurts but its ok i can live with it, atleast i have my friends who apprecite me, but if i told this to my family they would be like ur friends r usless just like u. i need motivation! thats wat they give me since i cant be provided that in my house i have to get from some where else...everyone can take out thier anger on someone else but wat bout me? who should i turn to?
i am lost, with no ambition to strive forward, in the end whose sake am i doin this for i know my family wont be pleased no matter how hard i try, for myself? no i m happy n content with who i am? then for whose sake should i have an ambition for???
i m completely misguided, i dunno wat to do with my life, all my friends know wat they want to become except for me, i dunno which path to choose, i let others make decisions for me since i dunno wat to do in this life but in the i regret it, i dun control my life others do, i need someone to control me to guide but rite now i m helpless, my desires? i sacrficed them long time ago as i know i can never get things that i wont no matter how much i wish for it. i f money is the prob then i'll go work so that atleast i can be happy by bounded by culture i cannot move a muscle. i wish i was like others who failed n yet their family atleast accepted them, they dun need to care whter they pass or not since no one expects anythin outta them, i wish i was the same no one expectin anythin outta me...

a fading past, an unknowin future, n i continue to struggle with the present

Battle Royale

2006-09-27T18:09:00.000+04:00

i was just talkin to my friend today, she asked me that how was my anime goin, i said i stopped watchin cuz it was gettin borin n i had no time now that studies was bak on. she told me that she just watched this jap movie, in which japan's has gone really low cuz kids dun wanna go to skool n gettin involve frugs n stuff so they take a ninth grade class n send them on an island where they have to kill each other and in the end there will be only survivor who will be able to get out. plus they r wearin some sorta collars if in case there were 2 survivors n the time was up then they would both explode! i was like wat kinda BRUTAL MOVIE IS THAT!!! i cant believe she was sooo excited to watch it!!! O_o seriously how can u watch friends kill each other!!! the person who created this movie is a really wacko plus there is also part 2 of the movie O_o i wonder wats in that

composed a song!!

2006-09-03T13:28:00.000+04:00

i composed a song!!! hehe no seriously i did.
actually its not a full song just a 1 min mini guitar song. yah i didn't sing...i thought that it would be better without singing ahem, cuz i haven't riten lyrics or anything like that...but i have decided in my mind how the vocals would sound like hehe... so listen n tell me wat u think, n i'm not a pro so it sux abit but wth... plus in the end i just stirked out few chords just like hehe :P

nOOooOoOOoOOOoOOOoooOo

2006-08-26T14:59:00.000+04:00

i cant believe it
its here again
y? y?
y do u come back every year?
y do u have to ruin my peace quit n serenity
i was havin soooooo much fun
my life was lit up by the sun
now i'll have to wake up in the morning
look outside n start mourning
crazy kids vomiting in the bus
wierd ppl full of pus
ascending through those stairs again
listenin to the teachers with monotony n pain
walking those crowded halls ( which i never wanted to walk again)
seeing my friends so tall (i can't expect them to be the same)
walkin through the bus area
surrounded by students
balabberin n chattin
lookin n starin
i have to walk around with prudence
sleepy in the bus
annoyed by the children
slowly thinking
this skool is a mess
damn u, TWS
***************************************************
i m sure u get my message if not, well then heres the summary:- skool's gonna start, n i hate it

Plz use the toilet

2006-08-23T14:04:00.000+04:00

i dun think i rote this in my blog before, but i was just thinkin bout this incident that happend to me not only me but the whole class...
wat happend is that we were havin second language, n i take urdu so our class was goin to the usual optional room that we go to...wen we spotted somethin outside next to the door...guess wat it was? someone had done their shit over there!!!! i was like O_O n the toilet was rite next to that classroom!!! goddamnit whoever did it couldn't probably hold it... yuck man it was disgusting! but at the same time i was laughin out loud cuz whoever did it sure had alot of guts lol :P, most of the students went into the class (before the shit was noticed) n were like "eww! this class stinks" n then wen i reached outside the class ppl were like eww look someone dd their shit i was like O_O "noway i had to see it to believe it!" for a moment i thought no one in our skool could be that disgustin but we were on the 3rd floor of the main buildin n that area belongs to 4th n 3rd graders so it was possible but comeon u should have enough decency as to NOT SHIT OUTSIDE A CLASSROOM, the bathroom is right next door pal! i was like lmao i still cant control my laughter!
i guess anythin is possible in our skool forget bout makin the best better, we go opposite makin the worse much more worst XD
hahahahah i wish i had a camera to take a pic of it, i would make a scrap book n stick it in it n title the book wonderful memories at TWS XD

Dreamz

2006-08-22T23:14:00.000+04:00

dreams can be abit wierd sometimes, or really sik n disgustin like mine... i can't believe i had such a dream D: i dreamt that i was lyin on a lawn n this stupid dog comes n pees on my face O_o i try to move away but for some reason i cant move! o_O
i totally felt disgusted, n it tasted bitter... o_o yuk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i think my brain was probably thinking bout the scene from Little Man where the dog pees on the fake baby's face...

y me? X_X'

...

2006-08-15T22:01:00.000+04:00

y am i the only person in my skool watchin j-drama
i mean k i have met ppl who watch anime but drama man am i sik or wat?
but hey its nice, its just like the other dramas, n stuff that u basically watch on tv so no big deal. plus i m watchin now a new one, タイヨウのうた (taiyou no uta, the song of the sun) its bout an 18 yrs old gurl who has some disese n cant go out in the sun, in she goes out in the nite to play music on the streets. n wen she is going to her bout to sleep (4 am) she looks down at her window to see a guy with a surfboard n goin with his friends, n then somehow fate decides to make the meet each other in the nite n blah blah blah the story continues...
i know i m a really bad person to make a summary outta stuff. they actually even made out a movie n drama. in the movie there is this famous singer YUI (became popular cuz of anime bleach) who is the main character n drama there is someone else. but the story is the same, i wanna watch both!

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i just came to know that a head still remains alive for a brief moment before it actually dies! wierd isn't it?

life becomes short after u know wen ur gonna die

2006-08-13T18:29:00.000+04:00

isn't it true? everyday we r living our lives not knowing that a single mistake could end it rite there, but we have gotten used to these things soo much that no one really cares bout it anymore. each day passes by not knowin that the next breath is the last u will ever take. we r careless, cuz we feel we r "too young to die" the comon thing that everyone has in mind n yet if someone told u that u r gonna die at this day...u will panic ofcourse, i certainly would. u feel days r goin fast, each min each sec n then count the days watchin the clock like a time bout to set off...
but if someone hadn't told u bout it u wouldn't have even botherd to know

i feel that its better not to know wen ur gonna die, yes abrupt death is better even though all those tasks left unfinished atleast u may not live a life of fear

i was just readin a story actually a diary bout a girl who was my age and was diagnosed with spinocerebellar degenerative. its a disease where ur mind sloly deteriorates until u can't walk properly, speak properly etc...its a cruel disease which gets worse through the years. her diary is called 1 litre of tears (一リットルの涙)
read her diary here:- link or link a truly touching story... :)

radio.blog! :)

2006-07-30T19:39:00.000+04:00

yay i can finally install a radio.blog!!
i wanted to put one last year but its was so complicated i didn't quite understand, so i gave up. yesterday again i tried n i did it! (with a little help from ma sis >:D) but the colours weren't coming properly n the playlist was not being loaded :( but after awhile it started to work :D, i put one on my blog(here that is) n one my website so go check it out i haven't added much songs yet since u have to convert them into a whole new extension (mp3 to rbs :S) k bye!!!

Yoga :(

2006-07-27T21:36:00.000+04:00

i dunno y but for some reason my mom thinks i m lazy, can u believe the irony (hehe i dunno wat the word means XD) so i have to go for a month until the skool reopens, n the classes r in the mornin its like goin to skool all over again!! >:(
plus shes makin doin these wierd moves that i dun even wanna learn yoga %#&%&
nways just one more month left for skool to reopen then it will o levels, i wonder how hard the studies will be? hmmm, who cares wen the time comes i'll see....
back to Yoga, so yoga keeps ur mind n body fit, at first its really painful, but then i dunno keeps u fit i guess, wateva
if u get a yoga class for free, dun take it!!! (unless ur fat, i m not fat n yet i have to do it!! aaaa!!!)

2006-06-17T14:56:00.000+04:00

how can u expect
me to respect
when u dun respect me
how can u expect me not shout, say nasty stuff when i am angry...
y am i being yelled at wen its someone elses fault
y should i suffer for someone fault
y can i never question?
u see urself up there?
n look at my ques as an insult?
everythin has an explanaition
it only matters if u r smart enough to understand it
y is it that my only opinions were only meant to be jeered at
n if the same thing said by someone else 10 yrs older than he would be awed
u can never teach a child respect
respect only can only be felt by the child itself
i treat u wid respect
yet in my heart i curse
so? wat kinda respect is that?
fake, a lie, a dilusion...
u show me ur temper wen ur angry
yet i cant show u mine wen i am
y? is that respect?
u cant tell someone else the job someone can do faster
yet u tell me...y? just becuz i am smaller? is that respect
does that mean being small is having no respect?
does that mean i have to be patient all my life?
does that mean that my existance is just slavary?
does that mean that my judgement shall always be overlooked?
racists...

holidayss (2006)

2006-06-11T10:47:00.000+04:00

well another worthless year full of crap has ended...
2 and half months of holidays with nothin to do,
i dunn even wat to rite here anymore!!!!

oh well the last day was like as if a party was goin on
we had arabic exam but the arabs were gone a little cracked actually they always were cracked cuz they were playin drums on the table, singin, clappin and dancin on chairs snd the worst part is that our teacher was absent so no one could put a stop to as the class president was herself the drummer and the vice president was belly dancin...

geez there is still one exam left...my friend who was sittin next to me watchin them in bewilderment was soo engrossed into it and i had to shout just to communicate cuz there was so much of noise

in the bus area it was like everybody huggin and sayin good byes and stuff, and some mental retarded ppl were throwin water around...as i was huggin my friend very tightly our sides of the face touched and i was eww ur sweat came over my face, shes like its not sweat its water... :o

most of the ppl in grade 8 & 7 were goin to sahara center my friend in the bus who was also in 8 was goin to sahara center, my group was also goin to sahara to watch the movie Poseidon. and me well i was gonna sleep and sit on pc (u might be thinkin wat kinda borin person am i) well i would love to go out but i had transportation prob, for godsake i haven't visited my dentist for over 2 months(for braces) even with my whining bout my wire comin out from the end of one side.

my friend regine is leavin the skol and goin back to her country cuz the ppl at skool r raisin fees i mean this year it was 550dhs a month next 715dhs plus they r raisin the bus fees too it was 120 next year it will become 144, i mean Y THE HELL R THE RAISIN BUS FEES! i have been travellin to skool in an old stinkin bus for almost like 5 years now and it hasn't changed, i mean for wat reason r the raising the bus fees?/? they have condutors who cant speak english nor arabic, half the buses are old wen i have seen in other skools that all their buses r new (i see them in the mornin wen goin to skool) the guys get more seats than the girls plus small children like to sit in the front so we only have fours seats and 5 seats are taken by small girls and the rest all the boys have. we don't have goddamn space!!!
nwayz back to the topic so shes leavin and she was a good friend of mine (actually my partner) and i'll miss her and thats it. the skool fees n all well i can't do anythin bout it...

as for the holidays they r just gonna be spent by sittin on this computer chair...(if u know wat i mean and if u dun then ur definitely an idiot)

exams...

2006-06-01T16:51:00.000+04:00

ok i know i should be studyin cuz rite my exams r goin on instead i m sittin on the pc writin usless posts...
i know i am doin the rong thing but, ehh wateva... ;P

Beach party

2006-05-13T12:17:00.000+04:00

we had soooooooooo musch of fun at the beach
my friend was throwin her birthday party at beach

i made this with my feet its actually a heart but it looks like a v

ahh nothin better than to watch a sunset at the beach :)

ok looks like somethin else is goin on under the umberella lolzzz

Time

2006-05-11T17:59:00.000+04:00

the day seemed to passing by soo slowly, :( and then suddenly sabrina(私の友人 (my friend)) calls and is like r u coming to this girl's party (her name is sundus) and i m like no yaar can't exams r bout to come and stuff. shes like no u have to come and blah blah blah cuz shes havin barbecue (at mamzar beach) and shes puttin tents and stuff she actually invited 50 ppl to come (but i am sure only 10 or 15 will come) and she wants her 13th b.d to be awesome and stuff so plzz come and stuff and i was like k k fine! then she tells me sundus's house address

then later ma friend isbah calls, she was like hi rabia r u goin to sundus's party? i'm like yah she was like can u also pick me up? cuz saby said u can and u have transportation (i was angry a little at sab cuz she didn't ask me at all >:( ) but wat could i say "ok," she was k gimme ur house add...

after i kept the phone down, i was like shit i dun have time gotta do this and that and i looked at the time, in such a little time ur future can change... ;) wierd

my artwork

2006-04-09T23:38:00.000+04:00

yay i finally made an account on deviantart and posted my drawings since they wer soo crappy :P
actually most of my friends forced me to do it cuz they think i am all the talented bullshit, anyways i just did cuz i was bored although the pics aren't that gr8 quality since they weren't scanned just took pics from the camera soo i hope u all like it

my portrait wen i was small (magnified version)
thumbs up (not that great since i drew by watching my own hand doing thumbs up)

mini drawings by mOi
hand
regine's glasses (shes my partner who sits beside me class)
rocking chair (its mostly drawn outta proportion but wth)
reminicense of my childhood
tears (all ma friends like this out of all the mini drawings cuz its cute, wateva)
broken wing (poster version) (hehe drwe this in ma arabic book lol ;P)
broken wing (small)

Dummy

2006-04-07T13:38:00.000+04:00

these words were left unheard

so i stopped speaking

these emotions were never felt

so i stopped showing

these veiws were never looked

so i stopped showing

these opinions were never considered

so i stopped givingthis girl was never respected

so i stopped fighting

these wishes never came true

so i stopped asking

these ambitions would never come true

so i have no determination

reality filled with facts

so there were no dreams filled with possibilites

life became so monotonous

so i stopped living...

not a poem since there is no rythem or ryhme just lines written by me

2006-04-06T09:51:00.000+04:00

"It's no good to give up

why do you not listen to me

"Simplicity" won't help you

become stronger

When you're young you're helpless, yet it's a great time

Adults may say so, but if that's the truth

then I don't want a destination anymore

*Useless memories, unreliable promises

Dreams are nice, but I don't need them

I'll survive by myself

because the future holds nothing for me

Though today I'm wrapped by the

kindness in my life

Sometimes, that kindness

suffocates me

I'd rather hide insecurity and protect my boring life

Though my monochrome self-confidence piles up

It keeps wanting to break it down

I cry because I think I'm a good person

I don't hate my smile, but I don't need it

It may sound like nonsense, but I just want truth

So that one day, I'll understand these painful things

The days that are full of lies

The things that shine with decorations

Even if I obtained themit wouldn't change a thing

just lyrics, i liked it so i posted here ;Pi am such an idle person

i HATE EVERYONE

2006-04-05T19:33:00.000+04:00

aaaaaaaaaaaaaa
y can't ppl leave me alone!
its always do this, do that!
god just leave me alone i m not botherin am i, i am not interferein in ur work then y r u intereferin wid my life!!!
this week i got stripped off my post of the v.pres of the class (frankly i dun care just became for the heck of it not to do work)
the teacher told me i am not responsible, (well i know that!)
then the art teacher is like i am gonna exhibit ur drawin book (of gr8 more work!) my work is incomplete and i have to EXHIBIT IT ON ACTIVITY DAY!
then i am really jealous of this one guy who apparently appeared on ALL the quizzzes and contests that happend! (rite i m jealous)
but wateva his luck...
today we had a quiz on health and one team is soooooooooooooooooooo stupid
they dun where the food is steamed under pressure there were options given a)somethin b)somethin c)pressure cooker (since that was the answer thats y i remeber ;P) d)somethin

and the stupid ppl said A! god HOW STUPID CAN U BE! HAVE U NEVER ENTERED A KITCHEN!
well wateva it was my house who said that answer but in the end they won.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
lets see now wat to do,
play sodoku, chat, go to forums, complete work, daydream, and studies well huh got weekends! :D
D: nah exams comin up have to stdy and get good grades that means 4 b's and 3 or 4 a's.

again

2006-03-20T21:15:00.000+04:00

i did it again...
i made scratch with the cutter again...this time it is shaped like an X
strange it didn't hurt that much maybe i m just gettin used to it...
i would like to tell u that i am also mentally retarded since i have a consious which is more like and irritating voice in my head and weneva my concious would like to say something i would rite it in "<--->" so that freak i wrote is actually wat my consious or concious or wateva it is saying rite now.... WILL u quite that! i am talktin to my own voice

lollzzz :P i m really going crazy i guess,
well then my comp test has been postponed to wed! yay!
the worst part is i have to study even though i have no idea wth it is! D:
gotta go and study............... :(

TESTS!!!!!!

2006-03-18T19:12:00.000+04:00

man i hate tests. and that to if there are two tests in a week. u got it rite i have got 2 TEsts in this week, in my school we usually have tests on sundays every week which is quite good rather than having tests one after the another. tomorrow i have got islamic studies man is it tough, the lesson is like 8 PAGES LONG!! this sux she gives us HUGE answers plus we have to learn the translations of the surahs (arabic chapters in the quran) which is also pretty darn long. and then i have computer studies which i have no idea wth it is cuz 2 chapters r comin and i have no idea wth they r about.
but i was pretty happy today u know cuz first it rained yesterday and the weather is kinda nice especially if u live in a desert area...but thats not the main reason why i am happy its cuz my mom has come back from her 1 week trip to pakistan :D
finally i will get to eat somethin from the house and i wont have to use the house keys cuz my mom usually unlocks the door for me (we live in a flat)
so wen i came home from skool today i opened the door and it was unlocked i went inside and locked it, i couldn't help smilin...:D then i saw her she was bus praying but she finished in a few mins and i gave her a huge hug, awwwe u might say ;P
gotta go took 5 mins break just to write some crap bout this...:D

odd days

2006-03-17T20:34:00.000+04:00

day 1: self mutilation
day 2: almost died
day 3: unconsious
day 4: ...
day 5: nightmares

u must be wondering wth r these? <;o well i'll explain one by one day 1: self mutilation (monday 13 march 2006) man it was computer period, damn boring the teacher was blabberin on & on...with no end my partner Grace had a cutter, borrowed it from her and start chiseling (i dunno if its the correct spellin) then i remembered wat some of my crazy friends used to do....self mutilation >:D
well then i tried to carve my name on my arm in jap, the first strokes were press two hard i think i cut myself but the rest well i couldn't see them cuz i wasn't able to cut after the pain annoyin me sooo much. i showed it to grace shes like u crazy freak! most of the ppl had the same reaction wen i showed them wat i did.

day 2: almost died (tuesday 14 march 2006)
PICNIC! PICNIC!
well i rushed downstairs to the enterance of my building, Mais my bus partner was there said hi
she said i forgot to bring my acknowledgement slip but i wrote a note in the diary signed by my mom, i was like who cares bout the slip. and she was like no u have to bring or else they wont take u. i m like wat r they gonna do keep alone in the skool for the rest of the day ;P. shes was like yaaaaaah (duh) and i was like woah is that thing THAT necessary. i was like then i have to go upstairs and bring it or else its completely pointless going to skool. but then i was afraid if the bus came and i wasn't there it would leave and i would have to wait for the bus to come to main road with all the seat almost full.

shit@! no choice had to make the decisions fast, she was like i will take ur bag to the bus and u can come afterwards...(yah rite...i thought as if i gonna let that happen, seriously no way!)

"uh huh really, thnx!" i said gleefully and darted upstairs...i was soooooooo glad that i left door open or else i would have had to wait for a lonnnnnng time! (time which i didn't have) i ran into my ran searching my shelf, inside the books for the circular found it! then darted outside the house, then i remembered "in case of emergency use the stairs" which i always do gd exercise :D not that i am fat or anything, but wateva...

so wen i reached the entrance the bus was there i ran as fast as i could since the last kid got onto the bus, i was hoping that the driver would be lookin here and there for a moment waitin for the kids to get in and notice me outside runnin like an idiot towards the bus well students inside the bus did but unfortunately the driver didn't. he didn't even CARE TO LOOK AROUND, just as the bus was moving i went infront of the bus...

crazy i know, fatal too, but now i am surprised that i was soo fearless to do that but the bus hadn't picked up speed either probably o.5mph 1mph or maximum 2mph, i dunno which was it but i did got hit not badly just a jerk but it didn't stop me a parent whose child was in the bus looked at me bewildered and shocked but i didn't care, i went straight into the bus.

the bus driver was like WTH were u tryin to do? i din't even care wat he said i just went and sat next to mais, "i guess i made it in time..:)" i said gleefully wid my heart throbin like anythin. the driver was like u should have crossed from a little so i would be able to see u. i din't pay attention to his words either, i am alive rite with nothin broken or anythin so shut up.
"sorry, wont happen again.." wat else could i say.

day 3: unconsious (tuesday nite and wednesday mornin 15 march 2006)
Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppppppppppppyyyy........
i went to bed at 11pm went to sleep at 3 am. first wen i went to bed i couldn't sleep cuz i was thinkin bout sooo much, then wen i fell asleep i felt HOT and i was havin an itch on my wrist which i really wanted to scratch realllly badly
i am light sleeper, well sometimes and this is one of those times. so i started scratchin and that scratch woke me up for no reason suddenly i felt the itch everywhere on my leg on my arm and my stomach u name EVERYWHERe. i thought there was a fly or some insect buggin me but i couldn't find it. >:( great now i can't go to back to sleep since now i am awake. i changed my positions several times wid my eyes close tryin harrrrd to back to sleep but i couldn't finally i did.

"Allah u Akbar...!"man is it 6 already it seemed just like a minute had passed by. i heard the azan(call for salah) and woke up. geez i felt so sleepy. i dunno how mais sleeps in the bus wid all the noise and all but seriously couldn't! and there was this small girl(probably grade 1 or kg) infront of us screamin loudly "Saleh!!!!!!" to a boy behind us busy sleepin probably her bro but man she was screamin after every five mins and it wassssssss sooooooo damn annoyin it woke mais 2 times but then she went back to sleep.... how was she able to do that i have no idea but she really has a trick up her sleeve.

during the whole day i was sleepin...

day 4: ...
nothin special today

day 5: nightmares
seriously its not a subject cuz i used to them being so seldom now. but i saw my mom being shot infront of my eyes in my dream, i was dumbstruck cuz no one actually cared...
wen i told my highly intellectual and mature friends bout this they were like woman u have got some issues cuz thats really disturbing...dun really care heard them sayin that for an year now
i know i am depressed (god knows for wat reason!), pessimistic and etc. i know all of this bullshit my self, tell me a cure! uff
_____________________________________

today my sis told u r a confused person i am like yah i know, cuz i hate makin decisions for god sake i can't decide my career forget that but wat subjects to choose for next year sci or com (personally i hate both of them) cuz i have no aspirations i dunno wat to become, i dun wanna be a doc cuz its too gross and i dun wanna work in an office as its toooo boring! (btw i took sci since my whole family wanted me to take and i didn't had anythin on my mind to decide on)

then my sis is like u know wat u r like? i am like "a chipmunk?" cuz thats my nickname in the house and everybody keeps callin that i m a chipmunk. she said u r typical teenager...
8 that sentence dumbstruck me for a moment and then i realized that i am 14 and i always felt that i am a child... when did this transformation took place i hadn't even realized
well everybody is startin to be a bit more friendlier since now they dun take me as a pain in the ass but sometimes they do, believe me sometimes they do and it can be so so so vexing!

happy new year & happy bd to me! :D

2006-01-01T23:41:00.000+04:00

yay today is my bd...and i am 14 years old now
hmmm, quite old :(
well actually my bd sucked cuz we had no party on 1 jan...
but yesterday i went with my sis to celebrate new year's coundown...
it was fun i threw cake on everyones face(that is my sis friends, i know i wasn't able to spend new years eve wid my frienzz but my sis forced me to come!)...
oh well..
but i didn't even had no bd gift no nothin i guess this is how u get treated as u grow older...:(
then i dun wanna grow OLD!!! >:(
:(
oh well happy new year to all :)

*****~~RaBiA's BlOg~~*****

hola peeps!

the rise of the mushroom head

bilingual...

BANG* n ur dead...

Conscious yet to lazy to act

Virtual World

yay freedom

reality shock

smile plz!

Madness in March

Fatigue

Procastinators Leaders of Tomorow!

Drip Drip*

cloudy days...

turnin to probably sweet or sour sixteen under the red moon

Get The Hell Outta My Head

gr10 vs gr 9?

art fart

Acoustic #3

another disastrous week

the last 2 weeks...

jerk things up...

randomness

leadership

The Walk of Shame

10th gr

home-made spa?

update

bored -_-

کیا آپ اردو میں لکھنا چا ہینگے؟

A Paki in an American Talent show

the awkwardness of seeing you outside/ Photgraphy 2

Ignorant about their country!

Engagement

holidays!!!

Dare for more?

Food Fight in the Dark!

GoOeY

a week ended with blast (part 1)

shocking isn't it? lets record the moment!

Visual DNA

a week of bliss?

a subconsious fear?

school carnival

hmm...where do i belong?

Desire

The 2nd Blow

Wierd me?

my template!!!

BUTT OUT!

manners?

uh valentine?

happy birthday!

gradutation sux

journalism?

photofreak

creep

where theres a will, theres a hope

uh oh

happiness...

too young to be called old

Rage

bak to 2nd grade

2nd term

Happy New Year

yay mp4 player

Black People

exams n future

headache...

i hate teachers...

Cloudy Love

limits

u cant be pleased with anything if u aren't pleased with yourself

Battle Royale

composed a song!!

nOOooOoOOoOOOoOOOoooOo

Plz use the toilet

Dreamz

...

RaBiA's BlOg