well finallly the exams r over but i cant really say that it got over on a happy note realizing that both my mocks were utterly horrible...i can just lay my fate on God's mercy n pray the Almighty for sparing my future.
so tomorows the class party, many of us had planned that we werent goin to come but its seems our class teacher's manipulative speech might have change that and we r wavering on our grounds. its quite surprising actually shockin for me that i just noticed that i could rite such annoyin sentences over here on which i would have been given abundance of marks and yet i just cant seem to keep the same kl durin exams just wen i need the use of such talent, how ironic. exam nerves. coming to the topic, dun u ever find it extremely a nuisance wen a person tries to butt in to ur business without askin ur consent or think that they are always (well mostly which is more aggravating)a person who always has this unconsious need for control, to have things always rite, to have things perfect and good and best, why not? everyone tries to achieve perfection, but no one holds on to it as an obsession. such ppl who can manipulate u into the guilt corner that ur desperately tryin leave ur body leaving a dummy behind so as to not offend anyone by speaking out ur mind nor do u even have to suffer. this is how i feel wen i m with my class teacher. so u try to reconcile with this hateful dislikin feelin in ur heart, u just cant let this feelin go. my point from all this senseless blabberings? well i was plannin to be absent on the class party BUT since i m one of my class teacher's fav regardless of my ill feelings towards her i have to come not just to keep her heart because of manipulative speech that just the G-chord in my heard- guilt. so well i m gonna bring cups tomorow, listened to music that has been checked and censored by my class teachers so our ears remain pure and innocent (hah dun make me laugh). Having rights seems like a privelige not an obligation...and that too based upon pretences to make us believe in false hope of justice.
strangely i have noticed that a few of my friends (and few teachers TOO) love my sayin my full name... :S or maybe an iconic symbol spread out in words, confusing lemme explain. I was just tellin my friend how bad my test and how i would go home and cry rivers of tears (figuratively) she actually believed me, and even though i tried to convince her that i wont she said she expected it cuz i was "Rabia Ihsan" WTF? i dun get it. there has been couple of incidents before it seems like i m The Rabia Ihsan so it must have been done in a particular way. i dun get it y ppl see me as such an iconic symbol of the 'perfect student'. so i like to stay outta trouble for most n yet keep friends who luv to create a riot so i join them maybe once in awhile? wats so shockin bout that if u take even that away from a person like me, trust me my life will be the most boring tale ever. so yah i m smart and like to get gd marks? is there a rule in this so called stereotypical-school-life of ours that such ppl are geeks and nerds and live a life of complete boredem and their goody-goody conceited way of thinkin? i think we r so biased amongst ourselves... pretendin not tryin to care bout it while it kills u on the inside? i think its stupidity and completely illogical for smart person to not use their talents to make themselves happy. the intrications created in our lives are clearly manifested on our personality and it is this which seems to be deteriorating our sight of logic.

Logic, Logic, Logic...yes i m obsessed with it, because i want to believe in something that has a useful meaning behind to show that its not just made to waste, lifes unanswered questions all of them must be having some sorta logic behind them...some sorta purpose, its just we don't know. "Everything happens for the best, its just we dunno yet" i have whole heartedly accepted this concept, n now wen i think bak at all the sad moments in my life, i can actually understand the logic behind it. so u see even though matters that are so trivial, happen for a reason, we just dunno it yet. n yes it does happens for the best no matter how painful it is, so with this in my mind i can finally smile even wen im bursting into sadness. yes i do luv philosophy but i hate ppl who talk alot, meaningless talk.

rite now i m drownin my sorrow with Boston Legal which is the reason y i was typin in sucha wierd way. i guess alan shore's clear expression of logic and cynasism does kinda influences me hehe...gr8 series a must watch.