this was a quote that i read on thurday, written on the class board. it got me into thinkin bout my family. i feel that i was never appreciated n never will be...everyone is just there to ignore me, everyone just thinks i am a nuisance or wateva...no one appreciates anyone in my house, its like we just have to bear each other. me being the smallest m not even allowed to show my anger as that would be taken as disrespect, then who should i speak to? this useless messgae wont be read by anyone i m sure, if read no one could anythin bout it. sometimes i do feel selfpity, i never understood the expectations of my family nor do i think i will ever be able to. if i get 2 marks less in my test i would criticized really badly "y did u get 2 marks less?" well i cant be perfect u know, but if get full i dun get anythin...no praise no nothin, its destroyin my confidence in myself i m startin to believe that i wont be able to please anyone no matter how hard i try, so i have given up "hope is wasted on the hopeless"
now no matter how much i get criticised i dun care, as it has become a routine it hurts but its ok i can live with it, atleast i have my friends who apprecite me, but if i told this to my family they would be like ur friends r usless just like u. i need motivation! thats wat they give me since i cant be provided that in my house i have to get from some where else...everyone can take out thier anger on someone else but wat bout me? who should i turn to?
i am lost, with no ambition to strive forward, in the end whose sake am i doin this for i know my family wont be pleased no matter how hard i try, for myself? no i m happy n content with who i am? then for whose sake should i have an ambition for???
i m completely misguided, i dunno wat to do with my life, all my friends know wat they want to become except for me, i dunno which path to choose, i let others make decisions for me since i dunno wat to do in this life but in the i regret it, i dun control my life others do, i need someone to control me to guide but rite now i m helpless, my desires? i sacrficed them long time ago as i know i can never get things that i wont no matter how much i wish for it. i f money is the prob then i'll go work so that atleast i can be happy by bounded by culture i cannot move a muscle. i wish i was like others who failed n yet their family atleast accepted them, they dun need to care whter they pass or not since no one expects anythin outta them, i wish i was the same no one expectin anythin outta me...

a fading past, an unknowin future, n i continue to struggle with the present