hmm, wierd subject but i wanted to rite on it since its soo wierd lol :P
well, i have seen bird fights well the actually peck on each others neck lol thats soo funny
well, today i saw bird love :S well thats wat it looked like!
i was sittin in my bros room, he was chattin n i was lookin outside the window its really big window wall size, so i could just on his bed n watch out hehe (too lazy to get up) well ouside in the balcony 2 birds came n sat on the railin n suddenly they came close n startin kissin each other O_o i was really surprised i mean O_O wat the hell?!! lolzz birdy love but it was soooooooooooooooo wierd!!!! maybe they were transferrin food into each others mouth O_o (now thats disgustin) but its wierd doncha think? plus they even layed eggs, its soo annoyin stupid birds, always chirpin...i wonder how does my bro sleeps? well i guess birds too sleep in the nite rite? but kissin? there must be a scientific explanation to that, birds dun just kiss around....

hmm, well u must be annoyed n thnkin 'wat this time?'
well, i crossed my limits, yes those which r supposed to be off limits
in social period, sir micheal was blabberin soooo much bout how he corrected the books n staybacks he had to do...sheesh my head started achin i told him on his face "sir, we dun actually care how u correct the notebooks, by the end of the day it should be corrected n given to us" BOOM, big mistake
"HOW RUDE?!" someone else said "rabia thats really rude!", "yah"
i m like wateva, well he was wastin period nways, but i was also have a cramp in the left side of my stomach since mornin n a headache.. so u could say that i was in a bad mood
plus for some reason i dunno i hate the guy! k not hate but i seriously dun like him n i dun understand it, he just makes me angry :S, in the EM i was asleep in his period, k that day was a bad day too, for some reason weneve i have his period i always have a bad day!
today i saw him in the breaktime outside goin from boys buildin to the girls (i think its cuz we were gonna have EM next) my friends said just wen he was bout to go i stepped in front of him n brought out my hands to signal him to stop then i apologized for my rude behaviour, he forgave (as expected) he said he was surprised n quite angered cuz he used to like my bro aloooooooot n how could i do such a thing (i hate this kinda brother/sista similar relationship, i mean u cant expect me to be nice jsut cuz my bro is nice! we dun have the same character, i m not my bro) he said if it was anyone else he wouldn't had minded but it was ME! sheesh sometimes i really wished i was a nobody, no family ties in school or have bro n sis who were super nerds infront of teachers n that they expect the same outta u

as floo says "great expectations" :P

"The days that are full of lies
People filled with expections
Even if I acheived them
it wouldn’t change a thing..."

took from lyrics

this was a quote that i read on thurday, written on the class board. it got me into thinkin bout my family. i feel that i was never appreciated n never will be...everyone is just there to ignore me, everyone just thinks i am a nuisance or wateva...no one appreciates anyone in my house, its like we just have to bear each other. me being the smallest m not even allowed to show my anger as that would be taken as disrespect, then who should i speak to? this useless messgae wont be read by anyone i m sure, if read no one could anythin bout it. sometimes i do feel selfpity, i never understood the expectations of my family nor do i think i will ever be able to. if i get 2 marks less in my test i would criticized really badly "y did u get 2 marks less?" well i cant be perfect u know, but if get full i dun get anythin...no praise no nothin, its destroyin my confidence in myself i m startin to believe that i wont be able to please anyone no matter how hard i try, so i have given up "hope is wasted on the hopeless"
now no matter how much i get criticised i dun care, as it has become a routine it hurts but its ok i can live with it, atleast i have my friends who apprecite me, but if i told this to my family they would be like ur friends r usless just like u. i need motivation! thats wat they give me since i cant be provided that in my house i have to get from some where else...everyone can take out thier anger on someone else but wat bout me? who should i turn to?
i am lost, with no ambition to strive forward, in the end whose sake am i doin this for i know my family wont be pleased no matter how hard i try, for myself? no i m happy n content with who i am? then for whose sake should i have an ambition for???
i m completely misguided, i dunno wat to do with my life, all my friends know wat they want to become except for me, i dunno which path to choose, i let others make decisions for me since i dunno wat to do in this life but in the i regret it, i dun control my life others do, i need someone to control me to guide but rite now i m helpless, my desires? i sacrficed them long time ago as i know i can never get things that i wont no matter how much i wish for it. i f money is the prob then i'll go work so that atleast i can be happy by bounded by culture i cannot move a muscle. i wish i was like others who failed n yet their family atleast accepted them, they dun need to care whter they pass or not since no one expects anythin outta them, i wish i was the same no one expectin anythin outta me...

a fading past, an unknowin future, n i continue to struggle with the present