i did it again...
i made scratch with the cutter again...this time it is shaped like an X
strange it didn't hurt that much maybe i m just gettin used to it...
i would like to tell u that i am also mentally retarded since i have a consious which is more like and irritating voice in my head and weneva my concious would like to say something i would rite it in "<--->" so that freak i wrote is actually wat my consious or concious or wateva it is saying rite now.... WILL u quite that! i am talktin to my own voice

lollzzz :P i m really going crazy i guess,
well then my comp test has been postponed to wed! yay!
the worst part is i have to study even though i have no idea wth it is! D:
gotta go and study............... :(

man i hate tests. and that to if there are two tests in a week. u got it rite i have got 2 TEsts in this week, in my school we usually have tests on sundays every week which is quite good rather than having tests one after the another. tomorrow i have got islamic studies man is it tough, the lesson is like 8 PAGES LONG!! this sux she gives us HUGE answers plus we have to learn the translations of the surahs (arabic chapters in the quran) which is also pretty darn long. and then i have computer studies which i have no idea wth it is cuz 2 chapters r comin and i have no idea wth they r about.
but i was pretty happy today u know cuz first it rained yesterday and the weather is kinda nice especially if u live in a desert area...but thats not the main reason why i am happy its cuz my mom has come back from her 1 week trip to pakistan :D
finally i will get to eat somethin from the house and i wont have to use the house keys cuz my mom usually unlocks the door for me (we live in a flat)
so wen i came home from skool today i opened the door and it was unlocked i went inside and locked it, i couldn't help smilin...:D then i saw her she was bus praying but she finished in a few mins and i gave her a huge hug, awwwe u might say ;P
gotta go took 5 mins break just to write some crap bout this...:D

day 1: self mutilation
day 2: almost died
day 3: unconsious
day 4: ...
day 5: nightmares

u must be wondering wth r these? <;o well i'll explain one by one day 1: self mutilation (monday 13 march 2006) man it was computer period, damn boring the teacher was blabberin on & on...with no end my partner Grace had a cutter, borrowed it from her and start chiseling (i dunno if its the correct spellin) then i remembered wat some of my crazy friends used to do....self mutilation >:D
well then i tried to carve my name on my arm in jap, the first strokes were press two hard i think i cut myself but the rest well i couldn't see them cuz i wasn't able to cut after the pain annoyin me sooo much. i showed it to grace shes like u crazy freak! most of the ppl had the same reaction wen i showed them wat i did.

day 2: almost died (tuesday 14 march 2006)
PICNIC! PICNIC!
well i rushed downstairs to the enterance of my building, Mais my bus partner was there said hi
she said i forgot to bring my acknowledgement slip but i wrote a note in the diary signed by my mom, i was like who cares bout the slip. and she was like no u have to bring or else they wont take u. i m like wat r they gonna do keep alone in the skool for the rest of the day ;P. shes was like yaaaaaah (duh) and i was like woah is that thing THAT necessary. i was like then i have to go upstairs and bring it or else its completely pointless going to skool. but then i was afraid if the bus came and i wasn't there it would leave and i would have to wait for the bus to come to main road with all the seat almost full.

shit@! no choice had to make the decisions fast, she was like i will take ur bag to the bus and u can come afterwards...(yah rite...i thought as if i gonna let that happen, seriously no way!)

"uh huh really, thnx!" i said gleefully and darted upstairs...i was soooooooo glad that i left door open or else i would have had to wait for a lonnnnnng time! (time which i didn't have) i ran into my ran searching my shelf, inside the books for the circular found it! then darted outside the house, then i remembered "in case of emergency use the stairs" which i always do gd exercise :D not that i am fat or anything, but wateva...

so wen i reached the entrance the bus was there i ran as fast as i could since the last kid got onto the bus, i was hoping that the driver would be lookin here and there for a moment waitin for the kids to get in and notice me outside runnin like an idiot towards the bus well students inside the bus did but unfortunately the driver didn't. he didn't even CARE TO LOOK AROUND, just as the bus was moving i went infront of the bus...

crazy i know, fatal too, but now i am surprised that i was soo fearless to do that but the bus hadn't picked up speed either probably o.5mph 1mph or maximum 2mph, i dunno which was it but i did got hit not badly just a jerk but it didn't stop me a parent whose child was in the bus looked at me bewildered and shocked but i didn't care, i went straight into the bus.

the bus driver was like WTH were u tryin to do? i din't even care wat he said i just went and sat next to mais, "i guess i made it in time..:)" i said gleefully wid my heart throbin like anythin. the driver was like u should have crossed from a little so i would be able to see u. i din't pay attention to his words either, i am alive rite with nothin broken or anythin so shut up.
"sorry, wont happen again.." wat else could i say.

day 3: unconsious (tuesday nite and wednesday mornin 15 march 2006)
Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppppppppppppyyyy........
i went to bed at 11pm went to sleep at 3 am. first wen i went to bed i couldn't sleep cuz i was thinkin bout sooo much, then wen i fell asleep i felt HOT and i was havin an itch on my wrist which i really wanted to scratch realllly badly
i am light sleeper, well sometimes and this is one of those times. so i started scratchin and that scratch woke me up for no reason suddenly i felt the itch everywhere on my leg on my arm and my stomach u name EVERYWHERe. i thought there was a fly or some insect buggin me but i couldn't find it. >:( great now i can't go to back to sleep since now i am awake. i changed my positions several times wid my eyes close tryin harrrrd to back to sleep but i couldn't finally i did.

"Allah u Akbar...!"man is it 6 already it seemed just like a minute had passed by. i heard the azan(call for salah) and woke up. geez i felt so sleepy. i dunno how mais sleeps in the bus wid all the noise and all but seriously couldn't! and there was this small girl(probably grade 1 or kg) infront of us screamin loudly "Saleh!!!!!!" to a boy behind us busy sleepin probably her bro but man she was screamin after every five mins and it wassssssss sooooooo damn annoyin it woke mais 2 times but then she went back to sleep.... how was she able to do that i have no idea but she really has a trick up her sleeve.

during the whole day i was sleepin...

day 4: ...
nothin special today

day 5: nightmares
seriously its not a subject cuz i used to them being so seldom now. but i saw my mom being shot infront of my eyes in my dream, i was dumbstruck cuz no one actually cared...
wen i told my highly intellectual and mature friends bout this they were like woman u have got some issues cuz thats really disturbing...dun really care heard them sayin that for an year now
i know i am depressed (god knows for wat reason!), pessimistic and etc. i know all of this bullshit my self, tell me a cure! uff
_____________________________________

today my sis told u r a confused person i am like yah i know, cuz i hate makin decisions for god sake i can't decide my career forget that but wat subjects to choose for next year sci or com (personally i hate both of them) cuz i have no aspirations i dunno wat to become, i dun wanna be a doc cuz its too gross and i dun wanna work in an office as its toooo boring! (btw i took sci since my whole family wanted me to take and i didn't had anythin on my mind to decide on)

then my sis is like u know wat u r like? i am like "a chipmunk?" cuz thats my nickname in the house and everybody keeps callin that i m a chipmunk. she said u r typical teenager...
8 that sentence dumbstruck me for a moment and then i realized that i am 14 and i always felt that i am a child... when did this transformation took place i hadn't even realized
well everybody is startin to be a bit more friendlier since now they dun take me as a pain in the ass but sometimes they do, believe me sometimes they do and it can be so so so vexing!